Please give me hope

[Findmeonetsy]

Has anyone felt so desperately unhappy in a relationship, but years down the line are so happy they stayed?
I suffer with depression, and because I don’t know which way round it is (depression making me unhappy in relationship, or relationship making me depressed) I am reluctant to make any rash decisions. I just know I’m really unhappy. Don’t even know who I am or what I want anymore. For context, we have a toddler dd and have been together for 5 years.

Is a trial separation possible? I appreciate you have a toddler to consider but perhaps some time apart will help to clarify your feelings. Is your depression being treated?

I think your right not to make any rash descions. Can you talk to your partner about this? Explain how your feeling? Perhaps a visit to the doctor's wouldn't hurt?

Thank you both. Yes I started taking ADs 10 weeks ago and am seeing a counsellor. I haven’t felt truly happy for about 10 years. I did when my dd was born and it was such an alien feeling, but it didn’t last

Could you tell us a bit about your relationship? What is it like on a day to day basis?

It’s fine, he’s a great dad. He isn’t a very good listener and I sometimes feel like we don’t have much in common. He’s 8 years older than me. I just feel like we are different. He is very practical whereas I like to be spontaneous. I want things to look forward to. Honestly, I feel like I just settled. I don’t feel like I ever got over my ex.
This all doesn’t sound great written down does it. Honestly a lot of the time I feel like I am living a lie. He knows I am unhappy though.
All I want is to feel happy but I don’t think leaving is the answer even though I know it is probably the right thing.
But right now that just isn’t an option with my mental health the way it is, so what do I do? I know this all sounds very selfish. But I cry so much and so often

Sorry, that was so garbled

@Findmeonetsy

Sorry, that was so garbled

No, it was totally coherent and you should be proud of yourself for articulating what you're thinking, when you're obviously feeling so confused and so worried about what to do. You strike me as a brave woman, someone who's been through the mill, and is trying her very best to do the right thing for herself and her DD. I don't have advice, and for that I am so sorry; but I just had to jump in and say I think you sound like a good person, and that you're doing the right thing for taking a forensic look at what might make you happier. I wish you the very very best my dear.

Thank you @Millano, that was such a lovely thing to say