I think my boyfriend sexually assaulted / raped me

[Anon4010]

Hi ladies.

Warning, the following contains sexual and graphic description which may be triggering.

So in 2019, me and my partner had been out drinking, we got in at around 4am. He'd been in an aggressive mood all night because he cannot tolerate alcohol.. not even a bit. He's not an alcoholic or anything just whenever he has a drink which is not often, he gets very aggressive and standoffish. He ended up assaulting this bloke in the middle of the nightclub so I took him out. Anyway.. we get home and have sex, I consented..if anything I instigated it but I fell asleep after he cummed. I woke up in a bit of a daze and all hazey because I was still drunk and I remember feeling baby oil being poured all over me and he had his phone light on and was watching his penis going in and out and watching his fingers go in me etc. I kept stirring and I asked him what are you doing and he said "you asked me to do it" -I didn't I know and I know I didn't. He's never done anything like it before and we both was realllllly horny when we come home. We have been together for 4 years at this point and have a child together but I couldn't help but find it a bit weird that he deliberately had his flashlight on so he could see him doing it whilst I was sleeping.

Fast forward to Friday night (28/08/2020) again he’d been out drinking, not me this time I was sober. We had sex, very horny sex and it went on for a while and I was getting sore and tired and a bit bored so I asked him to stop. He did, then I started to fall asleep, he then went back inside and almost got off on the idea I was half asleep and cummed inside me. He then let the dog out for a wee, and that was the last thing I could remember because I fell asleep. I woke up to him again with his flashlight on his phone fingering me, licking me and also fingering me anally. I went into shock and I froze, my body started violently shaking but I thought I was cold.. I woke up and asked him what the time was because he quickly moved aswell he didn’t think I knew what he had done, and he said it was 4am , I said wow that’s late , what time did I fall asleep? He said I have been asleep for an hour, I asked what he’d been doing and he lied and said he was watching tv... the TV was off.

I have been with this man 5 years and his behaviour has really spooked me out, I’m scared to even think about it being the R word. What do you I think? Please help me

[SoulofanAggron]

Do you think he’s a danger to me?

Of course he is, he's raped and sexually assaulted you.

I can’t understand what he’s thinking or why he would do it , like what excites him? The fact I’m asleep?

Sadly, some men get off on rape.

I'm glad you're thinking of finishing with him. Please do it and then stay strong, don't let him win you back. xxx

[Anon4010]

@TruffleMama thank you for your reply, it certainly gave me a lot to think about and put a lot of things into perspective. I can’t bare to think of us not together, ruining my child’s family life as he knows it and the life we’ve built together - it’s going to be hard and I know that. What is process going forward? How likely am I to being believed ? He’s a very good liar and standing infront of a judge : let’s be real the odds are low of him being convicted- I have no evidence and I don’t think I have the mental capacity to stand in a court and have everything dragged up

[Wondersense]

I went into shock and I froze, my body started violently shaking but I thought I was cold.

I'm so sorry. Yes. It was rape and it seems like he likes the idea of having sex with a woman who is not fully conscious (the not able to consent bit is key to this). The reaction you had sounds like your body produced a huge adrenaline rush which is why you got those violent shakes. He is absolutely a danger to you and you cannot sleep around him anymore. Contact Women's Aid and please consider calling women's shelters if you have no where else. You cannot risk drinking anything around him when it's unsupervised, or eating actually. If he's already gone this far he might slip you a drug rape drug in future, or sleeping pills.

I know why you don't want this to cause more upheaval in your life, but I think you need to be prepared that he was filming you too. If you go to the police, forensic experts can search through your phone in ways you can't - they can even access deleted material.

[Wondersense]

Also, if he did this, I think there's a high possibility he's been searching for violent porn and I'd be very surprised if the police team found nothing. It's up to you, but I would ask for a discussion with a female officer. Some police units are rubbish with dealing with cases like this, but at least they'll be able discuss next possible steps with you.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Are you usually a very heavy sleeper? Is there a chance he could have drugged you since you didn't wake up as soon as he started?

[Anon4010]

Im in disbelief and shock I’m in the bathroom I can’t stop crying, I didn’t have sex with him this evening as I have been really distant from him since Friday night and he just forced himself in my while telling me he loved me. I feel so sick and disgusted the man I love has turned into my rapist. I’m leaving in the middle of the night when he’s asleep, I’m taking my child and running for the hills, I just have to pretend everything’s okay until 11pm

[CodenameVillanelle]

You poor thing :(
Good luck xx

[MulticolourMophead]

I'm so, so sorry. I hope you have somewhere safe to go.

[category12]

I'm so sorry. Leaving sounds the best possible course.

You can call the police if you feel able. If he tries to stop you leaving, please call them.

[Estrellente]

Oh love. I’m so sorry. Do you have somewhere safe to go?

[dublingirl66]

I'm so sorry

Keep posting here

Do you have a plan?

Be careful I went through the same and when he sensed I was leaving he got even more abusive

Can you go and then get help to get your stuff at a later date? Wait till he is deep in sleep

Awful abuser
Do report him this is so bad
If not the b---- will have full access to your child 😢😢😢😢

[Wondersense]

Good luck. Remember you can call the police if you want help and Women's Aid too for future planning. The police might be able to send someone round to make sure you can get your stuff and will make sure he stays away from you whilst you pack at the very least. For now, if you don't feel ready to tell them everything, tell them you are in an abusive relationship and he's an immediate danger to you.

It's a lot to process. We're all thinking of you xxxxxxx

[Frownette]

Are you out safely?

[Starksforthewin]

I’ve also reported you.

[Torvean32]

I'm so sorry this is hapoening to you. Like others i agree it is rape and he is a danger to you.

You have caught him twice but I'd hazrd a guess that those were not the only time.

I hope you have a good support network and can leave him as soon as possible.

[AbbieFB]

Hope you’re safe OP

[Anon4010]

hello, I’m safe and sound, we’ve gone to a distant relatives.., he shouldn’t know where we are. Thank you to each and everyone one of you ❤️❤️

[BusterGonad]

Good luck Anon. You are very strong and brave.

[Babymummy777]

Good luck and all the best. Lookafter yourself, you did the right thing.

[Howallergic]

Thank goodness. Stay safe!

[cloudbread]

This is so horrible to read. I'm glad you got out op.

[RobinlovesCormoran]

Glad you are safe and stay strong. So sorry this happened to you.