Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to be cool about an ex FWB?

80 replies

MakeMeCool · 30/08/2020 20:04

DP has an ex/ex FWB. She is younger and prettier etc and whilst I have met her and spent some time with her I just can't warm to her. She has been pretty unfriendly towards me and I can't be dealing with it. However, DP has a "soft spot" for her and thinks I'm being an arsehole for disliking her. So how can I get over it. Is this a fake it until you make it situation?

OP posts:
Receptionwoes · 31/08/2020 23:40
Flowers
Wondergirl100 · 01/09/2020 09:55

OP you sound like a wise and thoughtful person - don't describe yourself as the 'marry' not snog type - I think that's poor thinking tbh. Sexiness and attractiveness are not one type fits all - she is probably totally unappealing to many men - and remember, he chose you - not her.

he sounds shallow and thoughtless both for how he has made you feel about this and for the dumping during a conversation that wasn't so serious - lucky escape and start valuing yourself more!

Isthisnothing · 01/09/2020 16:16

Hi OP,

Really shocked and sorry to read your update.

Just to give you an update - I was multiple times the friend they slept with then went back to being friends and they found a proper girlfriend. It didn't make me feel good I can tell you and I never considered that they would feel threatened by me - sure I was the girl that wasn't good enough for a relationship!

Change your perspective on this situation quickly. If she was a cow to you it was probably because she felt threatened by you.

I never behaved like her btw, I'm just telling you how I felt the two or three times it happened.

It was not so awful when I was young and foolish (very early twenties) but I got together with a friend of mine who I had really fallen for in my mid thirties and was gutted when he told me he only wanted to be friends. We did give it a go and it was ok, I was hurt but knew it would pass. Then he mentioned he had a girlfriend and it would be great if we all met up in a group. Knowing him he probably meant it genuinely.

I put on a very brave face, was friendly to him but not too much, very friendly and welcoming to her, spent most of the evening with the others in the group. Inside I was dying. I just wished it was me showing up with my shiny new relationship.

So you don't know how this woman felt. I certainly wouldn't assume she felt sorry for you.

WiserOlder · 01/09/2020 17:15

Well you know now you can trust your gut x

HarrisonFived · 01/09/2020 18:42

@Isthisnothing I know you shared all of that to help OP but I am really grateful that you did share. I never would have thought about it that way and I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't either. I am sorry though that you had to feel that way at all. I hope things are a lot better for you now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page