friends warning me against dating a solicitor

[jinniefromtheblock]

I've been dating a solicitor since the beginning of the year and one of my girlfriends told me to 'get out while I still can'. What does she mean by that? Do solicitors have a bad rep as long-term partners or something?

He seems like a nice, charming guy, very different to anyone I dated before. I'm very down-to-earth so I've dated mechanics, lorry drivers and musicians, but he's so proper and mature. Sometimes I do struggle to understand his vocabulary (hes super smart) and when we're with a bunch of friends he'll go into this political debates which all goes over my head. But other than that I don't see what the big issue is; he's always asking about the kind of music I'm into and we enjoy watching movies together (though he doesn't like my chick flicks).

Is there something I'm missing about solicitors?

You need to ask your friend what she means tbh

Long working hours?

She probably had a bad experience with 1 man and is trying to paint all solicitors with the same brush

How many has your friend actually dated?

My guess would be that if you get into a serious relationship, marriage and whatever, and then split, they would know exactly how to screw you over. Knowing the law and having associates 🤷‍♀️ That’s the only reason I could think of.

Solicitors are not all the same.

@BitchTitties

My guess would be that if you get into a serious relationship, marriage and whatever, and then split, they would know exactly how to screw you over. Knowing the law and having associates 🤷‍♀️ That’s the only reason I could think of.

Only if he is specialises in divorce/family matters. Property, corporate, etc etc which I'm sure you will ahve discussed with him. Friend sounds jealous or once-bitten.

I've been married to a solicitor for 22 years; together for 30, though he was still at sixth form and not a solicitor at that point.

As far as I know being a solicitor hasn't been a negative thing for us and our marriage. Yes, he can work longish hours (not in London though so we are talking 7pm not sill hours) but he's home with us at weekends and we have most evenings together. He has decent holidays and a great salary too.
He's a nice bloke - his career choice didn't alter his personality.

Based in the other lawyers we know I wouldn't say they were any more of a relationship risk than people in other careers and professions.

Erm. They are just people doing a job. Three solicitors in my family- one is an arsehole, the other two are nice. (And two of them are married to each other). I am more concerned that you seem a little bit in awe of him and it seems like a slightly unequal relationship. This has nothing to do with him being a solicitor though. (Not all solicitors are smart- the arsehole one in my family is v definitely not ‘smart’ and says ridiculous things but she’s professionally reasonably successful).

Well-paid, probably high stress is what I think of.

I'd have thought a solicitor would be a bit of a catch, tbh. Money-wise. Possibly not in terms of downtime and stress.

Your friend is jealous. Exactly how many long term relationships with solicitors has she had?

Not all solicitors are well paid and it's not that hard to get into the profession, you just need to be able to pass exams and play the game.

As a solicitor myself, I have met many and some are lovely, some are awful. Just like the general public.

It's a strange comment.

She probably had a bad experience with 1 man and is trying to paint all solicitors with the same brush

Maybe she dated Saul Goodman

The only thing I can imagine is that his work is demanding. If you love attention and being foremost on your partner's mind, then yes, get out. I'm married to a GP. It's a demanding job. What DH isn't is the partner/dad with boatloads of time and energy for the family, but he is so loving, so committed, reliable, solid, hilarious, brilliant, and just easy to be with. So we really don't mind that he's not driving kids to football and cricket matches on Saturdays. None of my kids are sporty anyway. He makes up for not being hands-on, amazing, superdad in other loving and supportive ways.

My solicitor friends are very objective. Sometimes, I can be talking about an emotional or painful matter of the heart and I can be struck by the angles my solicitor friends are coming from when discussing things with me. They aren't judging, they are just extremely considered and fair in their replies. They won't tell you what you want to hear and I really like that. None of the ones I know are argumentative debaters. They're just normal people but they have a 'legal' mind. They don't simply pull opinions out of thin air. They craft them, form them by reasoning, interpretting and analysing information. They're smart and you've got to keep up a bit.

But at the end of the day, he's human and his own person. Don't let the label 'solicitor' define him entirely. Get to know him. He is an individual who happens to be a solicitor. Don't be intimidated by his intelligence. Choose not to see it as a threat. He's not judging you or challenging you.

I am a solicitor married to a solicitor. Our arguments are quite tedious to be honest. But that might just be us.

Solicitors are just like normal people when it comes to dating, but I wonder if there is a mismatch in this relationship. He seems quite serious and I know solicitors are very intelligent, whereas you seem to be much more of a fun girl with little grasp of politics and deeper subjects. There's nothing 'wrong' with that, but the 'opposites attract' often ends up with those opposites repelling one another, as long term it's not usually compatible.

It's still early days, so give yourselves time to really see how compatible you are, but meanwhile just enjoy the relationship and see how it goes.

She knows you well so there may be something there, but you need to ask her. I’m a solicitor & have always said I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with another solicitor, or at least one in my specialism- almost invariably they have far too healthy egos, think their work is the most important thing in the world and so the women should accommodate them and can be quite ruthless. I’m sure some of these things could be said of me too though!

I am a solicitor. Hours can be long, depending on the nature of your practice, which can cause problems for a relationship. And I have unfortunate habits of sometimes asking question after question, sounding “too rational” in an argument (says my non-solicitor husband) and always looking critically at something. I am not pleased with it but I think it is a productive of training ie part of the job is that you are meant to spot problems with something. But overall, I don’t understand the comment OP. There’s nothing particularly special about being a solicitor. Hope things go well for you both.

Wtf hahaha

The law is a huge profession and the work varies massively.

If he's a corporate lawyer at a magic circle firm then dating him will be very different to dating a probate lawyer at a small provincial high street practice. A criminal defence lawyer will be very different to an in house lawyer working for a company or local authority.

My firm is flexible and family friendly. We have lots of people working part time, doing compressed hours, working from home etc. Lots of nice people who would be fine to be in a relationship with.

Would she steer you away from all doctors/managers/accountants too?

Only thing I can think of is long working hours? But that depends hugely on the kind of firm he is at and where in the country you are (City Magic Circle going to be a lot worse than an in house role at a small rural company). But if you’ve been seeing him since January you should have a good sense of that already!

My solicitor friend married a guy who was a quite a lot less intellectual than her and they have a very happy marriage so I wouldn’t worry about that either in terms of political discussions etc. As long as you’re both happy and he doesn’t make you feel stupid or uninteresting for not having the same kinds of discussions that’s all that matters.

I'm married to a solicitor - he is, imho, the most wonderful man on the planet. He works hard, long hours, and is probably more 'in the detail' than any of my ex's, but he comes in very handy when I need to sign a contract, want to negotiate or need to raise a dispute anywhere.

A lot of our friends are also solicitors, in varying specialities, and they are also all lovely people.

What a bizarre thing to say.

I know a pair of solicitors who are married. They are great people

What pumpkin said. I’d have taken the comment to be about long hours.

You'd have to ask her for her precise meaning OP, it sounds like generalising nonsense.

He sounds a bit annoying though, nothing worse than a dinner with someone grandstanding their own political monologues because they love the sound of his/her own voice.

Do you think you have much in common? It sounds an odd dynamic placing your intellect so below his, that can't be good for your self esteem or a very viable long term set up.

I doubt he is as smart as all that, I dated a guy like this once. He seemed to enjoy (other than a captive audience-ideally of women- for his amazing intellect) the fact that he had someone to fawn over how smart he was and how it all 'goes over their head'. It was the crux of his identity in a way, and was quite sad.

He was just boring really and an echo chamber of whatever he had read in the economist or guardian that week, or his MC professional parents views he had inherited. I found quite quickly that if it wasn't something he had studied or had formed part of his academic work, he actually had very little to offer intellectually outside of that, was a poor critical thinker and had no ability to countenance anything other than his absolutely amazing opinion . I also found him quite embarrassing to socialise with when he was spouting off, and definitely thought his satisfaction levels whenever he thought he was smarter than someone reflected very poorly on his maturity and what a snob he was. The longer it went on the more I realised it was smoke and mirrors and he was deeply insecure.

Don't subjugate yourself to his 'intellect' or some vocabulary OP. Work out whether he respects your opinions on politics and your own thoughts first or whether you're offering him an audience for his own ego at your expense.