friends warning me against dating a solicitor

[jinniefromtheblock]

I've been dating a solicitor since the beginning of the year and one of my girlfriends told me to 'get out while I still can'. What does she mean by that? Do solicitors have a bad rep as long-term partners or something?

He seems like a nice, charming guy, very different to anyone I dated before. I'm very down-to-earth so I've dated mechanics, lorry drivers and musicians, but he's so proper and mature. Sometimes I do struggle to understand his vocabulary (hes super smart) and when we're with a bunch of friends he'll go into this political debates which all goes over my head. But other than that I don't see what the big issue is; he's always asking about the kind of music I'm into and we enjoy watching movies together (though he doesn't like my chick flicks).

Is there something I'm missing about solicitors?

Do you think she thinks he’s a solicitor of prostitutes?

Lol your friend is being silly. Ask her what she means.

Also, don't idealise a man because he uses big words about politics.

As a rule on say online dating, I try to avoid dating police, solicitors ect as if they turn out to be emotionally abusive wankers then you have added worry because of their professions.

I also usually skip guys who are really computer wizy. Having had an experience with a creeper trying to use it to spy.

But that's me just being extra careful. If you meet someone who works in these fields and you like them then I say go for it. Just be careful as you always would surely. Know how to spot narcissists. And if something doesn't feel right, get out.

It was one comment from one person, op. Why don't you ask her what she meant by it instead of futilely trying to attach some logic to it?!

Just as well you're not dating a doctor...

... look what Harold Shipman was like.

I'm not sure what your friend means, did she specifically attach her comment to the fact he was a solicitor. The only thing I can think of is in a disagreement he might be more likely to talk you into knots but I think that would be his nature rather than whether he could or not. Meaning, if it's in his nature to do that he will irrespective of his career choices, hope that makes sense. I knew an abusive arse who gaslighted me in every disagreement we had, he wasnt a solicitor, far from it, he was just a manipulative twat lol.
That being said I avoid dating lorry drivers, soilders and chefs, based on personal experiences.

Maybe just have a chat with your friend, do you trust her opinion (that doesnt mean you have to act on it) but do you trust her to be unbiased, if so ask her what she meant by that remark. It may just be she has picked up on something that you overlooked or that isnt an issue for you but would be for her. It's not unusual to project our own expectations onto others without realising it. Just because it may be wrong for her if she was dating him doesnt mean it would be for you while you're dating him.

Sometimes I do struggle to understand his vocabulary (hes super smart) and when we're with a bunch of friends he'll go into this political debates which all goes over my head. But other than that I don't see what the big issue is; he's always asking about the kind of music I'm into and we enjoy watching movies together (though he doesn't like my chick flicks).

He sounds like an argumentative, superior, pseudo-intellectual twat who is busily working on alienating you from friends.

That's nothing to do with being a solicitor and everything to do with himself.

The one reason HIM being a solicitor would concern me is that an argumentative and superior arse would be a nightmare to divorce and, if he can do his own paperwork for free, he'll drive your financially and mentally into the ground. Solicitor paperwork is where the bulk of divorce costs - particularly the acrimonious ones - lie.

Your friends are right. This is the time to get out intact. Google "lovebombing" and "emotional abuse", as there are few hints here that it might be heading that way. Don't get pregnant as he could bind you up in child arrangements paperwork and proceedings for 18 years.

My experience with solicitor / barrister friends and family is that as a general
Rule, they are utterly ruthless and will cut anybody off that does not serve a purpose , their purpose. Can be kind but as quick as lightning, can turn. In all
Cases, there seems To be an emotional/ sensitivity chip missing.
Maybe a coincidence .

He sounds like an argumentative, superior, pseudo-intellectual twat who is busily working on alienating you from friends.

Projecting much?

Theyre big assumptions to make, I didnt get that from the ops post. He likes a poltical debate, he doesnt like chic flicks, he is academic....I'm not sure how that makes him an abusive twat who will ruin her life. Maybe I've missed something (as my UN suggests, I'm now confused....goes back to read original post).

Most solicitors have a bit of a ego. A lot have affairs - not just solicitors, anyone with an office job!!!! Maybe that’s the stereotype she’s come across. Just ask her?

I wouldn’t be taken in by big words and talk of politics. You sound like you’re putting yourself down. I know plenty of intelligent lawyers who know absolutely nothing about anything outside of law. Knowledge of the law doesn’t make you superior (I was a lawyer for many years, at large practices). If he’s nice, stay with him, if he isn’t, don’t. Job shouldn’t be a factor really...

Could be worse. He could be a teacher

(Tongue v firmly in cheek here)

littlebitotarten I suggest you meet a few more and your view might change. They’re cut throat in their work as that’s their job!

Long hours, travel. My DS is married to one. Depends what sort really.

@user1464836 I meant on their personal lives.

@ALittleBitConfused1

Theyre big assumptions to make, I didnt get that from the ops post. He likes a poltical debate, he doesnt like chic flicks, he is academic....I'm not sure how that makes him an abusive twat who will ruin her life. Maybe I've missed something (as my UN suggests, I'm now confused....goes back to read original post).

It's the "big" words (that's usually overuse of high academic language, the result being that whatever is said just sounds daft - we've all met one of these), the arguing with her mates about politics and watching films with her but being down on her own taste? It's all rather ... she's very impressed by him but clearly she senses herself that something is amiss.

Of course it's possible that his political debates are fascinating and full of witty repartee - and entirely welcome by her friends. Only the OP will know this.

When she made that comment surely you would then say "Oh why's that?" or "what d'you mean?" How could anyone else know what your friend meant!

Why on earth wouldn’t you have just asked her?

I’d bet a tenner that she knows fuck all about the (many, varied) roles of a solicitor anyway.

It doesn’t sound like you’re a good match though. You shouldn’t date someone you don’t feel equal to.

Depends on the type of solicitor and type of person, but the ones I know are workaholics and/or anally retentive types.

Could she be jealous?

Why are people implying he is a pseudo intellectual just because the arguments go over her head? Surely just as likely that he is intelligent and educated and she is isn't particularly bright or well educated?

Op was your friend saying it jokingly?

Lawyers can be pretty hard to argue with

I wouldn't have minded dating Saul Goodman

Don't date any lorry drivers, op. You know what the Yorkshire Ripper is like. Etc.

@DillonPanthersTexas

She probably had a bad experience with 1 man and is trying to paint all solicitors with the same brush

Maybe she dated Saul Goodman

Or Harvey Spector from Suits

Ask her.

Ask her what she means (then come back and tell us).

It's either because she thinks solicitors are boring or because they could potentially screw you over in a divorce situation.