Divorcing due to my parenting style

[Flower999]

Hi all,
I am in the worst possible situation where about a year of abuse from my husband about the way I am raising my child that i have chosen my child over him. I have known for a long time that i have been emotionally abused by my husband but I tried to defend myself to the best of my ability and our arguments can go on for up to 5 days. The issue is that he constantly picks on my son and my son sometimes hears these conversations when he is at home. however my husband maintains that he is not directing what is says towards my sonbut rather to me but both my son and myself can only see it one way that he is attacking my son. He says that I am a slave to my son - here are some of things he says - I drive him to school and pick him up - i do this because I work from home. I drive him to his sporting activites - i think all parents do this. He cant stand the way he eats and what he eats - my son is a fussy eater. He says my son is selfish because he doesnt offer his scooter for his kids to ride. He says my son does not appreciate anything I do for him but in reality he does. When his children come to stay with us they will hug and kiss me which is great as his children are beautiful with great hearts.My son feels ackward to kiss of hug me - he is 15yo but I know he loves me. If my son comes back from his dads ( i am divorced and he stays with his dad every fort night) on sunday night and hes angry and wants me to cook him something then I get a huge lecture on why my ex cant feed his son. The list goes on and on but I think you get the idea on what is going on. I know that I am a good mum as my son is respectful and not rebellious. He is doing very well at school and always involved in activites. I realise there is a difference between my husbands children and my son but all of the kids get along really well. I am so distraught that the situation has got to this point but I have always stuck up for myself and my son but whatever I say goes no where.

Do these 15 year olds also have to be spoon fed so they don't choke?

@SonEtLumiere

Why is everyone desperate for a 15yr old to be self sufficient and independent?

What’s the rush?

There’s zero evidence that they can’t learn boring life skills when they’re 18 or older.

My DH didn’t have a practical bone in his body as he was academic and focussed on his books and music as a teen. Didn’t stop him learning how to look after himself as an adult. He travelled around the world alone inc. living in remote areas and recently taught himself how to build a drystone wall in his sixties, because it’s what interested him at the time.

This idea that if you don’t learn skills for independence in your teenage years means you’ll miss the boat, is clearly ridiculous and illogical.

What happens if an adult can’t due to work or because the young person is a carer? Do they have to miss out on the activity rather than being able to get a bus home?'

Right at the moment, yes, for most kids; in fact, many activities aren't being offered at all.

And at most times for young carers, who almost always miss out on social life, and all too often on education.

His 15 not 5. Your DH is probably a one hit wonder. The issue is that she is teaching him to be codependent on her and he sounds quite demanding and while now it’s all fun and games he probably would be able to cook or pull out bread make a sandwich but her son comes home and complains about her DH and his not getting fed. At 15 you would be able to make scramble egg take out a bowl of cereal boil a egg or open the fridge and put something together. The problem is also when he goes out in the real world and he is in a relationship he probably be self entitled and have an expectation that life owes him something.

When your married to your other half and your having problems you don’t argue in front of the person it’s really up to the mother to say look I rather not speak about this now but it seems now that the mother has defended her son on so many occasions that the son is quite demanding from the message she has wrote. At 15 years old he should have the life skills to know right from wrong. Because when your on the other end of the situation and you end up with a guy like this who is not responsible and has his mammy doing everything at his beck and call and who rings mammy at any chance he gets to tell her about the treatment. You no most narcissistic personality are made at home by codependent parents who do everything at there beckon call and see no wrong in there kids and it’s never them. While she says his lovely at home most kids are but she doesn’t actually know what his like on his own with her DH.

His probably concerned about her being taking advantage of. Putting your point across is not a ground for an abusive realationship he probably sees a 15 year old teenage boy having mammy do everything for him and his coming home carrying stories his not getting fed. When in fact he can go to the fridge and the freezer and make something for himself.

They can choose to walk home, but collection is preferred. The school got outstanding for safeguarding.

We collected my twins until they passed their driving test aged 17. My parents collected me from school until I left for university. It is not a big deal. It tends to give the child more time to do their homework and they achieve more in life if they do.

Seriously?!

Your husband is right on this one. A 15 year old doesn't need this level of coddling and it seems that you've brought up a pampered princelet who expects mummy to run around him. Do you wipe his arse as well? If I were your husband I'd be pissed off as well and would probably leave you first.

Get a grip of yourself, in a few years your son will fly the nest and impose his entitled attitude and helplessness on some poor woman.

VintageStitchers Really? How about a sense of responsibility and independence? How about giving parents a break? How about confidence from being able to navigate life?

@Iaintnosnackiamafeast

Seriously?!

Your husband is right on this one. A 15 year old doesn't need this level of coddling and it seems that you've brought up a pampered princelet who expects mummy to run around him. Do you wipe his arse as well? If I were your husband I'd be pissed off as well and would probably leave you first.

Get a grip of yourself, in a few years your son will fly the nest and impose his entitled attitude and helplessness on some poor woman.

Exactly

On top of that, all these types of entitled men often end up being the sort who neglect said mother in her old age as they're so used to just thinking about themselves and getting their own needs and desires met first and foremost.

Why is everyone desperate for a 15yr old to be self sufficient and independent?

I don't think people are expecting a 15 year old to be 100% self sufficient, just that they will be on that road insofar as pulling their weight around the house and not expecting their folks to be fussing around them.

My father was a builder and he got me a job down a building suppliers working in the stock room. I didn't want to do it at first as I was working Saturdays and I was very nervous having to deal with a load of gnarly hairy arse builders all taking the piss out of me. A few months into it and I was loving it, I had money in my back pocket, I was being treated like and adult and I had gained confidence in the process. Most of my peer group had some kind of part time job.