Pushy new partner

[Sosounhappy]

So met someone on OLD.

Coffee last Monday went well. He was really keen to meet Tuesday. I said yes then panicked and cancelled.

Been working nights since then. Meant to be meeting tomorrow he wants to come to my house. I feel uneasy

Help

@Sosounhappy

I've said can we meet in a pub. He said yes then back to yours

Oh, he did, did he? NFW. WTAF? Just block and move on.

He's not a 'partner', he's someone you met once. FFS, I've shagged people I met once, they were not 'partner' or 'boyfriend' just someone I picked up and shagged.

@Sosounhappy

My boundaries are skewed after an abusive marriage where saying no was difficult

Ah, then you need to work on that. I suggest the Freedom Programme, available online for a small fee.

Any more dodgy dates - come back here!

@Sosounhappy

My boundaries are skewed after an abusive marriage where saying no was difficult

Please please please have counselling and be content simple before dating again. You're absolutely going to attract abusers otherwise. You deserve to have happy relationships from now on. You won't have them until you're ready to have firm boundaries and stick to them.

@Sosounhappy

My boundaries are skewed after an abusive marriage where saying no was difficult

Then you need to STOP bloody dating, altogether. Delete all apps and everything and get into some serious work on your self esteem.

OP it sounds like you really need to work on your boundaries and seriously should not be considering dating AT ALL until then.

He’s not your partner, to call him that after a coffee is bizarre. You seem to have no sense of awareness that you have a say in interactions—dodgy guys will see you coming from a mile off.

Do. Not. Date. Until you get some help with this!!! You are walking around with “easy target” written on your forehead. You will not find what you want or anything healthy until you are in a position to have good boundaries.

I know I do. Just been lonely for so long

Is this just in your dating life or in every other aspect too?

Oh OP my heart goes out to you. Shithole mean are not going to fill the void. They only make it worse

@Sosounhappy

Just ignoring him

What are you ignoring? Is he still messaging you, trying to change your mind about letting him come to yours? Please just block him.

I have good friends but something is missing

A quick shag won’t cure loneliness.

No giving out your address until you really know someone.

Be safe .

OP do you have a good friend circle, or family relationships you can rely on? How about working on this area for the foreseeable, and getting some professional help on establishing boundaries and for self esteem.

And STAY AWAY from dating!

@Sosounhappy

I have good friends but something is missing

You won't fill the void with men like this. Please do some work on yourself, then you'll find someone worthy of you.

Learn that NO is a healthy word.

Please just block him - this man sounds a danger to anyone who happens to be unfortunate enough to cross his path. How did you initially come across one another? OLD?

What is missing OP is your sense of self value.

You are valuable and you deserve to be treated like a prize, not a kleenex.

It might also help you to read chapter 4 of a book called the gift of fear.

It helps you identify when you are being manipulated. Like him calling himself your partner, this is teaming, its a form on manipulation used to make you feel safe when you really shouldn't.

Please:

Tell him to stop bothering you. 'Don't contact me again, ever.'

Block him.

Delete him.

Either get counselling or do a self-help programme online or via one of the many great books out there.

Be thankful for your instincts, and for being able to post on Mumsnet

I need to trust my instincts reading his messages again they are odd.

I don't think you should be dating randoms, op

Your boundaries are fucked

Trust your instincts, well done at least you recognize something amiss.
Before you get dragged in to s total mess of a head fuck.

Lonely is one thing, lowering standards won't fix that and you'll end up worse off.

The fact you posted means you know he is off. That’s great - now block him and forget him.

@Sosounhappy, don't beat yourself up over this - mistakes happen, but thank your lucky stars that you have had a fortuitous escape on this occasion, although it sounds as though he has massively overstepped the boundaries rather than you giving him any encouragement or invitations. Not your fault that you happened to have the misfortune to stumble across this foul person.💐 for you

Stop dating.
Go to therapy.

Omg, you're coming across as naive, and he's being too pushy. Honestly he doesn't sound worth keeping, just cancel and move on.

He sounds deranged

Can I just say good on you, you suspected something was amiss, took advice, acted on advice and are out of a potentially damaging situation. Hurrah for you. But yes perhaps a little bit of counselling would push a little bit further on to happiness