DP buying house 4 hours away

[LapisL]

I got together with someone about 6 months ago, obviously early days but we are in love and have discussed the future. We’ve discussed moving in together in the next 6 or so months but we’ve now hit our first big issue. I already own a home and he’s a first time buyer. He has recently been viewing houses near his parents who live 4 hours away from me. He says he wants it as an investment or rental property (because the plan is for him to move in with me) but it’s not a very good area for either of those and I don’t think he realises how much work and money a rental property takes up. I feel it’s a red flag as we’re supposed to be building a life together and he’s buying elsewhere, in an area I don’t particularly like that’s a long way from my work, friends and family. He thinks I’m being unreasonable as it’s his money (which is a fair point). I’d be interested to hear what others think.

@DopamineHits

Due to my age, I’ve made it clear right from the start that I want to be engaged within 18 months of moving in with someone or break up.

Whatever your age is, putting a timetable on a relationship is a bad idea. That's how you get people doggedly going into marriage knowing their relationship is on its last legs, divorcing a year later, ad pissing off all the people who bought wedding gifts. Love happens organically, and so should commitment.

But lots of people do this if they wish to have children, so why is a marriage any different? I wouldn't stay years with someone without discussing when or if to have kids, that would be a waste of fertile years. It looks like marriage is the deal breaker for OP, so not much different.

@AspiringAmazon

Genuine question for the women on here who say ditch a relationship if a proposal isn’t forthcoming. Why is it so important to get married? I’ve been with my partner for four years, I’m 39, he’s 43, we’re not married nor do we have a particular desire to be. I have several friends in long term relationships - some +10 years, with children and not married. Perfectly happy with this.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Too many women are ignorant of the differences and don't bother to look into it. Not getting married primarily benefits men to the detriment of women (and often the children). The OP is wise to be looking for the legal commitment of marriage.

You've been dating for 6 months .
This isn't even a relationship at this stage .
Just enjoy / stop overthinking and see what happens ?
House buying at this stage is none of your business tbh .
I've been with DP 3/12 years and would love it if he proposes to me when we are living together later this year .
If not I will love him regardless because I'm confident in our relationship and I'm older than you .

I don’t think he realises how much work and money a rental property takes up.

Not much of either if you pay an agency a percentage to look after the property for you.

Property is a sound investment. I think your BF is being wise. It's early days for you two and if you fall out, he needs a fall back plan.

I think it makes sense to buy a property in an area that he knows and is close to his parents. If he ever needs to do up the property, he can stay at his parents and see it. Also, if he knows the area well, he should be able to chose a property that will increase in value and be easy to rent out. Really don’t see why it should be close to your work/friends/family! And yes, it’s his money so none of your business especially after 6 months!
If you were living together and buying a property together, then that would be different. But seeing as you already own your place, it’s sounds good for him to get his foot on the property ladder.

It sure if you're still reading or not, but in case you are...

6 months isn't very long, especially in these odd times, HOWEVER, you are supposedly thinking 'long term' & are supposedly 'a team'. & he's not acting in line with either of those things.

I'd totally support him buying something in his name (you have a house in yours) but, to me, if he GENUINELY thinks of you as a Team & is thinking of this being long term he'd be discussing it with you & you'd be deciding together what would be the best option. Buying near his parents, rather than where you're planning on setting up home together sounds like one foot in/one foot out to me. (At 6 months, that's fine, but he's not being honest about it)

You earn 3x what he does, be careful you don't end up subbing him - housing costs, meals out, entertainment, clothes etc. It's very easy to do when you love someone & you earn more- but it's easy to feel you're subbing them buying a separate property later on.

Would you both not consider buying a house together? Rent yours out, then buy one equally for you both to live in?