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Original poster

Confusing behaviour - a compliment with a dig

77 replies

Stuck1 · 23/08/2020 20:09

Am I being over sensitive here? My husband does this all the time and I don’t get it!

For example tonight, I went to the shop and bought a sharer tub of ice cream for us to eat watching the tv, but I also bought a bottle of coke for me. I didn’t buy him a drink as I had bought him one earlier in the day and noticed it was still in the fridge. So we sat down to eat the ice cream and he said “you’re perfect buying us ice cream to share” followed by “you even got me a bottle of coke” obviously this was a dig because I had not brought him a drink and he was trying to make me feel guilty about it!

The other day I went to a bakery and bought my boss a birthday cake and so as to not leave my husband and kids out I let them each choose a cake each to have whilst I was celebrating my bosses birthday at work (I work in a bar)
The next day he commented on how it was nice of me to buy her a cake followed by “but you didn’t bring me a piece back did you” I was like that’s why I bought you all a cake each so you weren’t missing out!

I mean recently I noticed he actually does this a lot!

Has anyone else experienced it?

OP posts:
Cassandra1 · 25/08/2020 07:40

Yeah I try and respond every time by telling him it feels like he’s guilt tripping me, or I’ll say another little dig...but he just say oh I’m kidding and acts like I’m being unreasonable

FizzyGreenWater · 25/08/2020 10:24

To the tune of 'Copacabana'

Dig Time!
They call it Dig Time!
When the man feels insecure
This is what he does for sure
He has a li-ttle dig
It makes him feel so big...

la la la...

Every. Single. Time.

You just burst into song Grin

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 15:44

So today is our 3 year anniversary, our friends also share the same anniversary. Because they have wrote gushing messages to each other on Facebook my husband is hurt and making me feel bad that I haven’t. He was like look; they’ve wrote this because they love each other! My reply was just because they write things on Facebook doesn’t mean anything. He then went on to say well I was going to write something on there for you but basically he isn’t now because I haven’t wrote anything in there! So exhausting lol

Aerial2020 · 26/08/2020 15:47

What a child

Aerial2020 · 26/08/2020 15:47

Just say ok then and ignore him

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2020 15:47

'Fine! Don't write anything! I DON'T CARE. Has it ever occurred to you that if you didn't spend your ENTIRE life pick pick picking at me for stuff I've either done or not done, turning this entire relationship into some strange competition, I might feel more inclined to celebrate it?!'

Bunnymumy · 26/08/2020 15:55

Sack that.

Creating reasons out of thin air to make you feel like shit. So manipulative.

I wonder if he thought you'd be expecting a gift and didnt buy you anything so now he is trying to create a reason to make you the bad guy.

Also, he didn't post anything on fb about your anniversary either right? So how can ge have a dig at you?

Honestly op, he isn't right in the head. Get out asap cause this is only going to get worse.

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 16:06

Honesty I’m so drained. I’m sorry I feel like I’m constantly moaning to you guys but I need to just get it out lol. He was supposed to be working a 24 hour shift today so I had booked some work in for this evening, turns out he isn’t working this evening now because he injured himself. But he “couldn’t believe I would book some work in on our anniversary” tried to make me feel terrible about it, but I was like, you weren’t even going to be here !!

Comtesse · 26/08/2020 16:25

Say “Darling, you’re projecting again”? What a PA loser.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2020 16:25

But he was going to be working a 24 hour shift and that was ok?

Fuck him. Just fuck this guy.

OP, go stay somewhere else tonight and tell him to stick his endless niggling up his arse.

Aerial2020 · 26/08/2020 16:27

What is his problem????
Grey rock.

TwilightPeace · 26/08/2020 16:29

OP you are far too tolerant, like a doormat.
Do you think he likes you? Or loves you? I bet he doesn’t treat his friends or family in such a disdainful manner.
He gets some kind of pleasure out of making you feel like shit.

I couldn’t be with such an asshole.

Bunnymumy · 26/08/2020 16:32

He wants you drained op.
He will keep taking and taking until there's nothing left of you.

He wants you to feel this way, I hope you realise this.

I think you need to think long and hard about what you want from a relationship. Because surely, they should lift you up, not bring you down.

I wouldn't waste another second with this poor excuse for a human being. Let this be the anniversary date of the day you decided to get free.

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 16:45

To be fair he is an asshole to his older sister and his mother at times too. His mother has said to him previously that he needs to watch how he is with me or he will lose me

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2020 16:56

Oh god just leave.

Don't waste your ONLY life on a twat like this. It's so depressing.

Aerial2020 · 26/08/2020 17:00

He sounds very insecure. I don't think this will ever get better. He seems to want to bring you down a peg or two for some reason and destroy your self esteem.
It's very misogynistic. Esp if he's like that with his sister & mother. What's his father like?

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 26/08/2020 17:05

I couldn't cope with this.

It's emotionally draining and from experience, he's probably doing other things that are metnally manipulative that you haven't picked up on yet.

If he doesn't stop this behaviour, I would leave. May sound extreme but this sort of entitled and narcissistic behaviour doesn't usually change.

Alwaysinpain · 26/08/2020 17:08

@Cassandra1

There are a few reasons I now believe my husband is a narcissist, as I have read into it and a lot of things ring true. What do you think about this though, would you consider this narcissistic? So I had been at the beach with my friend and my kids my husband had been out day drinking with his friends; My husband messaged me and said he was coming to the beach bar where we were so I said fine. When he got here I said it was time for me to leave with the kids and get them sorted for the evening but he could stay and have longer with his friends. My friend also stayed as she had another friend there. She later told me that my husband was overly telling her how much he loved and adores me, constantly saying it, she said she felt like he was trying to convince her. I also felt he was doing this to convince her that he was an amazing guy. He also does something similar when I’m video calling my mum, he will come over and randomly kiss me,, as if to prove a point?
Sorry? You think your husband is a narcissist because he told your friend he loves you and kisses you whilst you're on a video call?! Hmm
Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 17:09

Yes he does remind me of his father in a lot of ways. He can also speak to his wife like a piece of shit, he’s always right etc...
From what I can gather there has been a couple of occasions that he has been aggressive towards his wife, kids and his grandson (sister in laws teenage son)

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 17:12

I will add that I want to leave, I have nothing left to give in this relationship, I tried before Christmas but he convinced me to try marriage counselling at least which I agreed to, this never happened,, due to the marriage counselling never getting in touch. But I knew it wouldn’t work anyway. On the night I ended it, I asked him not to tell the kids as yet as it literally just happened but he went straight into the bedroom and told the kids mummy doesn’t love daddy anymore you will probably be living in a different house to mummy. This obviously confused and upset them. I was so angry he also called his mum instantly!

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 17:13

I feel like I need to save up and get some cash behind me before I do anything

Cassandra1 · 26/08/2020 17:18

Oh and he’s still finding things to dig at me about ...relentless

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2020 17:45

I asked him not to tell the kids as yet as it literally just happened but he went straight into the bedroom and told the kids mummy doesn’t love daddy anymore you will probably be living in a different house to mummy. This obviously confused and upset them. I was so angry he also called his mum instantly!

Absolute fucking bellend of a man.

Even his MOTHER doesn't really like him, does she? She must be gutted he turned out like her own piece of shit husband.

Ok, stop listening to the crap and start making plans. I suggest you talk to the children before you've even talked to him, once you've made arrangements for somewhere to go. Cut this stupid little bellend out of everything and only tell him when you have to. Then go!

Bunnymumy · 26/08/2020 17:50

Eugh
Get rid of him
Manipulative arsehole

Manipulating your kids to make you seem the bad guy like that too, despicable excuse for a human.

Time to go.
Narcissists dont change. Lions are lions.

Aerial2020 · 26/08/2020 18:03

The more you write, the more I think the best way to handle this is to go grey rock whilst you get a plan in place.
So ignore his pettiness, minimum interaction, keep calm and show no emotion to his digs. This will keep your energy for working out what to do and how to start again without him.

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