Is it OK to ask partner to lose weight?

[HappyMum1234]

My partner and I have been together for more than 10 years. His weight has been 100kg 1.7+m since day 1. But he mentioned he will cut down. Currently his weight is about 110kg

I know that some said that it is not right to request partner to lose weight.. But I am always hoping that it will one day happen, for his health.. And i always feel that no matter male or female.. I always think it's our responsibility, sweet and romantic to maintain our health and looks for ourselves, our partner and kids

I have been saying for years that my best birthday present would be his weight at 90+kg.
But this does not really give any motivation..

Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I not be concerned with his weight?

I have been saying for years that my best birthday present would be his weight at 90+kg.
But this does not really give any motivation..

Gosh, I wonder why?

It depends whether your concerns are related to health; your ability to find him attractive/sexually desirable; or embarrassment when seen out with him in public.

Because you mention health but then have also said about it being 'sweet and romantic' to maintain your looks.

Do you feel his weight gain is a reflection on how he feels about you?

What caused the weight gain?

Is it the weight itself that is an issue?

Or is it a sense of him not taking care of himself?

My ex husband put on about 5 stone. I didn't find it particularly attractive but the aspect of it that bothered me the most was the health impact that meant he was constantly blighted by illness and other factors related to his weight that impacted on all of us as a family.

Yes you are doing the wrong thing.

Yes you can be concerned about his weight but I'm sure he's fully aware he's overweight.

You can't force someone to lose weight.

I have been saying for years that my best birthday present would be his weight at 90+kg. But this does not really give any motivation..

Tbf, that would make me feel shit about myself and not motivate me either.

A birthday present? That's an awful thing to say. Imagine if a man said that to a woman.........

It's really not on to say my gift is you weighing 90kgs. Go find someone else.

My underweight DH moans about my weight gain (5 stone) but it’s never motivated me to do anything about it, so I wouldn’t hold your breath OP.

You are allowed to not fancy people for any reason you want..... Unless your partner is overweight. Then you're worse than Satan himself, because it's utterly evil to be attracted to a healthy, good looking person.

So when you met he was 100kgs and you've kept saying you wish he was 90kgs?

If my friend was involved with someone like that then I'd tell them to get rid.

Who does the food shopping and meal prep? Do you do any exercise together?

No one is saying OP is not allowed to feel how she does about her partners weight and yes you can find them unattractive BUT asking as a birthday present for them to be a certain weight is controlling and awful.

Talk about knocking their self esteem
How shit would you feel if that was you?
Ok darling, for your birthday I will make sure I'm changed enough for you.
It's crap.

Dump the fat f*er.

Thank you all for your replies. I will reflect.. As most of our friends know both of us, I do not share details about my relationship with anyone in real life.. Glad I found this.. Thank you all.

Mumsnet hates fatties generally and thinks they are walking time bombs.

I can't believe you even know, and remember, your partner's weight.

Turn the tables for a minute, would you be happy for them to memorise your weight?

Yes I remember his weight and measurements as it's easier to buy clothes online for him if I remember them.

I do not mind him remembering my weight and measurements.

If he is 1.75 m tall his ideal weight will be in the range 56.7kg - 76.6kg
(assuming he is age 35, male, white and moderately active).
At 110kg he has a BMI of 35.9.

@MikeUniformMike

Dump the fat f*er.

Charming as always.

You & the OP should get on just fine

For your next birthday, perhaps you could ask for a voucher or a scented candle?

Maybe talk about starting a sport or exercise together? Instead of just being about his weight.

What's he getting for his birthday?

I'm wondering if you are my brothers partner 🤔

If you are then the only way he will lose weight is if he quits drinking.

It would be a leave him from me.

Saying you don't find your fat partner attractive on Mumsnet makes your worse than someone who kicks puppies for a living but I have absolutely no respect for anyone who doesn't respect their own body, it doesn't matter if it's alcohol, drugs or food.

@MJMG2015, he is about 5.5 st overweight. He will be carrying the weight of an average 10 year old around with him the whole time.

So you think by simply asking your partner to lose weight, it'll magically happen? My god, if only it were that easy. You are being cruel and naive. Everyone who is overweight is well aware of it and most overweight people would love to manage to lose some. There are many, many reasons why it is so very difficult. People who think you can just tell them they're overweight and they'll go off and instantly change, are at best thick and at worst utterly cruel.