Pregnant and unmarried - what if we separate?

[Rooster22]

Expecting a baby with my boyfriend of 2+ years. We recently got a house together and he is really caring, loving and excited for baby coming (planned pregnancy). I am worried however about the legal ramifications of being unmarried if we were to split up. I will be giving up my job once mat leave finishes as he earns much more than me and it wouldn't make sense child care wise to go back to work and it's suddenly dawned on me how financially vulnerable and dependent I am on him. Is it safer legally to be married - would it protect me more? Anyone been negatively impacted with a split from not being married?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

are you both on the house deeds/mortgage?

it wouldn't make sense child care wise to go back to work

Go back to work. Childcare is a joint expense so will be paid from whatever you and the baby's dad earn together.

Keep the independence. Keep the security.

Get married and go back to work, even part-time. You will be so vulnerable without the legal protections afforded by marriage and making your own money.

Get married. A trip to the register office with two witnesses is dead cheap and gives you all the legal protection. You don't need a huge wedding. Far better to do this. You can always have a celebration at a later date. You are just as married.

We are both on house deeds. Just trying to understand if getting married is something we should prioritise now, like registry marriage.

Go back to work. Childcare is a joint expense so will be paid from whatever you and the baby's dad earn together

Keep the independence. Keep the security

This. 100%. Aside from your own security, what if your DP loses his job, what about your career if you want to go back to work once DC are at school.

Even if you do get married, not working leaves you vulnerable. If you split up you will need an income to support yourself, and there are other benefits such as national insurance contributions.

Marriage protects your share of the marital assets, so it's a good idea to get married from the financial point of view (unless you're the higher earner). However no one gets their 'share' the day after they split up, it can take months, or even years to agree on a financial split in the event of divorce.

So ideally you should get married and return to work, even if only part time.

If you don't get married then although the house will be split between you, you will get no maintenance, and if you give up work that leaves you very vulnerable. As others have said, wise not to give up work completely anyway.

Get married. Go back to work.These are the best ways you can protect yourself and your child long term, no matter how lovely your partner is. If he is living and supportive, he should want your security too.

loving

As a married women, who then subsequently ends her own career path to care for the children, you would have rights in terms of settlements in a divorce. This would include his pension, any increase in salary etc.

Being married isn't bomb proof as the length of marriage is taken into account when dividing up assets. You absolutely shouldn't leave the job market

"Is it safer legally to be married - would it protect me more? Anyone been negatively impacted with a split from not being married?"

Yes
Yes
Yes

Marry him. And if he won't marry you, you'll have to go back to work after maternity leave - it's the only way to protect your financial independence, future earning potential and pension.

If you split, you wouldn't be entitled to anything other than what you already own (assuming you own a share in the house, but consider the implications if he's the only one paying the mortgage) and child maintenance from him, if you're the resident parent.

Meanwhile he's building up his pension pot while you give up work to look after his (and your) child.

@MsMiggles

We are both on house deeds. Just trying to understand if getting married is something we should prioritise now, like registry marriage.

Is this OP having name changed?

If you're intending to give up work or reduce hours to look after your child together, then yes, you need to get married or have a civil partnership for the legal protections.

Also, consider other options for work/childcare arrangements - don't automatically assume that you should take the hit to your career trajectory/lifetime earnings/pension. Is it possible for you both to work flexibly/part-time/compressed hours? To maintain your prospects it may be worth taking the short-term pain of childcare costs for the longterm benefits of a continuous work record.

Do not give up your job if you are not married!

Get married and protect yourself.

Also, you want life insurance for you both.

Leaving marriage completely aside, the thing with going back to work 'not making sense because of the childcare costs' that people often don't factor in is the opportunity cost - that time spent away from the workplace which makes it so difficult to pick up again later. Which typically falls on women and yes, if you were to split up that puts you in a difficult position.

If you actually genuinely don't want to go back to work, fair enough; but if you do - or if you'd like to keep work at least going on a gentle simmer - then continuing to work, even if part-time, puts you in a better position. And, as others have pointed out, childcare is not a cost that ought to fall on you; it's a joint expense which your partner should also be contributing to. The added benefit to approaching it in that way it's that if - which of course hopefully you never do! - you were to split up one day, the principle that childcare costs aren't magically yours to cover is already well established.

I would insist on marriage before you have the baby. If he doesn’t want to then ask yourself why not?

Don't give up your job. Getting married is up to you, I am not married to the father of our children and we are together with no plans to marry. But I kept up enough hours to keep my career stable, although no chance of promotion as part time. If you drop hours then increase pension payments, so you don't lose out in future.

Otherwise if you split up you have half a house and years of missed pension with no hope of going back to your career at the same level due to time out of work gap. He will have half a house, pension contributions and career. Probably career progression too as men with children do better in general than those without.

Honestly don’t give up your job, although the thought seems nice you know it’s going to leave you in a vulnerable position.

When your ready to go back to work your going to have to start the dreaded job hunt.

Also if things get rocky being financially vulnerable sways a lot of women to stay in bad relationships. Even good lovely relationships can turn sour.

Been there got the t - shirt

Do not give up your job. Childcare is a joint expense.

Get married if you are not the higher earner.

Being married offers you some protection. Not working does increase your vulnerability but it does depend on circumstances, earnings etc as to whether working make financial sense. If you choose to stay at home ensure you do something to enhance your cv eg volunteer work, education etc