I got married ten years ago and even though my sister and I weren't close she said "I'm going to be your bridesmaid you know" so I accomodated her, got her the dress she wanted even though it was different to the other bridesmaids because she was too big for the monsoon dress they had.
She's getting married next year and it's a totally grand affair, huge country house, costs about 6 times what our wedding did, plus she's 14 years older than I was when I got married, so it's just different to my wedding and that's fine.
I made a point of not asking to be bridesmaid. As I wouldn't want her to be obliged. She has asked my DD to be her flower girl but no comment was made about me.
She has asked me to do a lot of the planning, organising etc and said she'd talk to me about bridesmaids later. She phoned today and said "oh x, x, and x are my bridesmaids, we'll have to think of a role for you, do you want a name or title or are you have happy looking after your dc's"
"the bridesmaids are going to wear nice dresses from Karen Millen or Coast or somewhere but they don't do your size so you can't be one" (I should add here that she is big too, so that shouldn't matter)
"I love my bridesmaids to bits but there just there to look pretty and party but I want you to do all the organising and sorting things out"
I feel really hurt by this. I haven't told her that because I don't want to ruin her day. I certainly dont want to be a bridesmaid if she will regret me being one.
But I feel really unwanted. I am sitting here crying my eyes out, something I haven't done in a long while, but I just feel unattractive ugly and hurt.
How should I deal with this?
Give me a kick up the backside and tell me to grow up if you think that's what I need!