My inlaws have a lot of money, my parents are poor. We've had a few cheques for nice (not huge) sums of money from them over the last few years.
My inlaws don't like to give me money however and always give the money or cheques to my husband, solely in his name.
Then when they learn that we have bought something specific with the money, a new car, kitchen etc, they start referring to it as "DH's car" "DH's kitchen." It always makes me feel like a second rate citizen.
Then, recently they wanted to give DS some money for something inparticular and FIL got the money from his wallet to hand over. I was standing right next to him and I naively held out my hand, but he turned his body completely away from me and made his way over to the opposite side of the room to give the money to DH. He seemed very assertive in the way he did it and I felt quite offended.
They clearly have an issue with me sharing their gifts of money with DH or even holding the money that they give for our children. They don't seem to understand why I have worked part-time since having our children (both pre-school age up until now) and I think they begrudge me not earning a bigger proportion of our income. It's as if they have come to believe that I am living off DH (and them) and that I am somehow undeserving, it makes me feel uncomfortable.
They can be very generous, so I feel a little ungrateful for sharing this, but I really don't like the way their comments and behaviour is making me feel.
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Relationships
Inlaws and money
Bowlmeover · 19/08/2020 22:30
there have only been 4 gifts of larger sums of money in 10 years (once when a relative died, twice as an "extra" christmas present, once because they were feeling generous) so not like we completely rely on their handouts. I know DH has smaller sums from them sometimes for things he needs.
But it is about power.
They have previously specified what the money is for.
How can you say "only" ?? 
You are talking about thousands and thousands of pounds - before you start getting into the 'smaller sums' your dh takes regularly.
I 'get' that not everyone manages to work FT whilst having small dc - I went to 0.6 after having dc2 - but part of that decision was taking a decision to share one car between us, to not have a new kitchen etc. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are generous enough to then gift you those things, it is in very poor taste to criticise the fact they are giving it to their child. That is a normal and natural way to give money, if one is giving to an adult child.
Fancy complaining about someone giving you thousands of pounds. I wish i had this problem 
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