Do you know many (any?) truly happy single people?

[cheezy]

As I sat in a zoom meeting with a bank of faces in front of me, I realised that I was the only person in that group with no partner. I didn't feel at all sad about this, but thought how interesting it is that as humans we do tend to couple up and it's the 'done thing'. I'm recently single and at an age where I need to crack on ASAP with finding a partner to have children with - if that's what I want, but I find myself really content being on my own. It's quite a surprise to me. I have had moments of real angst about this in the past and in those moments I try to remember people I know who are single and/ or childless and who lead fulfilling, full lives. I have an actual list somewhere. I really think it's possible to live like this, but I feel a bit of a freak for thinking this (or maybe I'm projecting)

I have one friend (male) who has always been single, never ever had a partner and swears he prefers it this way, but I don't know anyone else like this. Other than religious people who've chosen a single life as a calling.
They're not very common are they, truly happy single people.

They're not very common are they, truly happy people in relationships?
It's the same issue.. from the other side of the fence, no?

@EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus

I’ve been single for six years now, childfree by choice, & I’ve never been happier. I love time with friends & family but I can’t bear the thought of living with someone.

Me too - same length of time, also childfree, can't imagine ever wanting a relationship again :)

You can only be truly happy with another once you are truly happy with yourself and this state of being is based upon the unconditional acceptance of yourself. Once you have that happiness naturally flows as that is how we were all born as children but, along the way, things happen that all witness and few question that lead to the need to look outside for completion.

Crazy isn't it?

Seeking something outside to fix what you feel (or don't) inside.

And yet, that is the way of the world it seems. Most people are miserable, many hide it very well. Some even from themselves. But in and among there are quite a few truly, genuinely happy people and they all have a similar mind set in common which anyone can learn really as its simply a perspective.

A simple perspective that changes everything in a world otherwise full of suffering in varying degrees from one end to the other.

Find the calm in the eye of the storm...

I'm single and I have no desire to be in a romantic relationship again. I have had all the love you to the moon and back stuff but it doesn't last and romantic relationships are generally a bit of a slog and a lot of compromise.

I love company but it's a blessed relief to shut the door

Yes. Me. I absolutely adore being single. I love my own space. Just me, DD and our new cat. I've had loads of fun in my life. Travelled loads. Been married, had partners. But at this stage in my life, i genuinely don't enjoy being in a relationship. I prefer to spend my time on myself, my DD, my home and garden and my Mum and Dad.

I do think there is a huge difference to being single with or without children. The single people I know who are happy aredivorced or widowed with children who love them. The single 40+ women I know with no children are deeply unhappy.
I genuinely don’t know a single happy couple IRL.

Single for 9 years.

There could still be a great love story! Why do you think there wouldn't?

Happiest when I realised I have a well of inner resources. Also learning.

I hear you about the little meaningful gestures. I think a heart can be full being single too.

I do know happy single people, but I also know sad singles and happy and sad couples. Ultimately whether in a couple or single, it is the individual's perception of their life. Is it fun, has opportunities, feels safe? These things matter more than the couple or single status I think.

I felt more lonely, sad, unsafe and restricted at the end of my marriage than I did single or dating afterwards. I have a partner and we have future plans to live together, but after 5 years living as the only adult in the house I know my happiness is not dependent on him but on the decisions I make.

I know some very, very happy single people. I'd say that the majority have had crap marriages that they're much better off out of and now value their freedom too much to bother with relationships again- they are really content and happy being single (but they all have kids). My mum died over 20 years ago and my dad has been single since, he isn't 'happily single' because he wanted to be married to my mum, but he's content to remain single IYSWIM.
I have two single friends who would very much like a relationship and aren't at all happy to be single. One had an awful divorce and was happy to be single for many years, lots of travel, freedom and so on, but feels like she wants a relationship now. The other is still young enough to have dc and wants a family, it's just never worked out, she doesn't live a life of cocktails and travel because she can't afford it, she gets a bit pissed off with the stereotype.
I've never been single in my adult life, I think if I ever became single I don't think I'd seek out anyone else (but I suppose you never know). I reckon dp would definitely find someone else, he would hate to be single I think.

Absolutely I do. Two women friends, one in her early 50s and one in her late 60s. I've known them since the mid-1990s and 2002 respectively, and neither has had any relationship since I've known them, by choice. I think they are both unusually fulfilled people, who have found the right kind of life for themselves in relationship/job/geographical terms.

One admits she's crap at romantic relationships, and in her own words 'turns into a psycho in them', and has focused her energies on her (enviable) job, living somewhere remote and beautiful, and her friendships. The other has had a wonderfully vagabondish life, moved around the world a lot, settled down somewhere beautiful and hippyish that really suits her, and adopted from abroad as a single parent (her daughter is now in her mid-20s), and has a real gift for friendship.

I've always felt very lucky to be in the lives of both of them.

He was the last roll of the dice

This resonates with me. I met my exH when I was late 30's (I'd had relationships before but this was my first marriage). I did enjoy being married, but in hindsight he was quite emotionally abusive. I look back and think I ended up in tears more times than you should. Despite all his faults, he was the one to leave me and it broke me for a good while. The marriage only lasted 5 years and I'd say it took me a good 3 years to be truly over it and happy again. I'd already had 2 DC (before I was 21) so I wasn't looking for someone to have DC with.

So I guess yes, I wouldn't get into a relationship again because I know I could never go through heartbreak again. As a pp said, he was my last roll of the dice. That being said, I am now happy single. Just because the decision is driven by past hurts, doesn't mean I can't still be happy to be alone now. It's been a positive choice for me so it doesn't really matter why I made that choice.

If I met a man who ticked all my boxes, maybe I would give it a go. But realistically I'm 50, a bit overweight, I don't make much of an effort with my appearance (this has also been a conscious choice, I am clean, clean clothes etc but not bothered about dying my hair or wearing make up). So I'm not going to attract someone with my looks and I have limited contact with guys in work or hobbies. So I might as well say that's it! I'm fine alone, I have 2 cats, a decent job that allows me to live well, a nice home etc. I have a great relationship with my now adult DC. I don't really see what a man could bring to the table at this stage in my life.

It is also easier to be single when you've been in a bad relationship that you are glad to be out of.

Being single when you've been appallingly dumped without warning by someone you thought was your future is a whole different ball game.

Single by choice v single by circumstance.

I was single by circumstance but am now single by choice. Children are all independant adults and all happily in relationships (not traditional relationships in all cases, but relationships nonetheless). But I know many unhappy couples too.

Being single definitely has its pros, do what you want when you want not have to justify anything, if living together no washing up anyone else's mess, or leaving stuff around the house, but if dating someone with dependants it is alot more demanding as a child free person having to fit your life around their childcare arrangements and so it very rarely works out, just not worth the hassle. I'd be alot happier single.

Much prefer being single.

There’s nothing lonelier than being in an unhappy marriage, OP.

I'm perfectly happy being single, to the extent that I did the cracking-on-and-having-a-baby part by myself!

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

And there's literally no way to be with people other than to be in a couple, obviously.

Ultimately I think it’s down to recognising the difference between what you want and what you need.

Some people are single and they feel the need for a relationship, and because that might not happen for them they feel unfulfilled. Others might be single and might want a relationship, but it has to be the right one, and as such they can happily remain single.

I do have a partner although we don’t live together for logistical reasons. But if we ever split I would never go out and look for another relationship. I’m happy to be in a relationship right now, but I certainly don’t need a man to make me happy.

I spend all my working hours talking to people.

That is one of the reasons I'm glad to be single. It's wonderful to go home, shut the door and not have to engage in conversation until I go back to work again!

I’ve been single for 2 years now after a 20year marriage. I can’t see myself ever living with anyone again or even a relationship if I’m honest.
I’m really quite content as I am. I’m lucky in that I have a few single friends to socialize with and I’m very happy in my own company pottering around my house and garden. One day I hope I’m brave enough to travel alone but I’m not ready yet!

@SaintofBats

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

And there's literally no way to be with people other than to be in a couple, obviously.

Not sure my married friends would be that keen if I moved in with them 😅

I have an friend now in her 50s who has never had a sexual/romantic relationship. She is one of the happiest people I know. She lives on her own, has a lovely holiday cottage too, recently took a sabbatical year in Europe and is thinking of buying an apartment in Paris eventually. She is very engaged with multiple interests and has different circles of friends. She is very close to her family/nieces and nephews too.

@coronaway

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

Some of the time, absolutely. But we’re all different and I know what works for me. I’m sorry you’re unhappy.