Do you know many (any?) truly happy single people?

[cheezy]

As I sat in a zoom meeting with a bank of faces in front of me, I realised that I was the only person in that group with no partner. I didn't feel at all sad about this, but thought how interesting it is that as humans we do tend to couple up and it's the 'done thing'. I'm recently single and at an age where I need to crack on ASAP with finding a partner to have children with - if that's what I want, but I find myself really content being on my own. It's quite a surprise to me. I have had moments of real angst about this in the past and in those moments I try to remember people I know who are single and/ or childless and who lead fulfilling, full lives. I have an actual list somewhere. I really think it's possible to live like this, but I feel a bit of a freak for thinking this (or maybe I'm projecting)

I have one friend (male) who has always been single, never ever had a partner and swears he prefers it this way, but I don't know anyone else like this. Other than religious people who've chosen a single life as a calling.
They're not very common are they, truly happy single people.

Me.

I'm happy single. I'll never have a relationship again - am in my late forties. However I have two children who are the light of my life. I'm not sure if I would feel so content to be single if I had always been and had not had any children.

I know lots of couple up people that are thoroughly miserable

I really wish I could be. I'm on my own and utterly hate it. I don't know if anyone else realises; I put on a good show, but it causes me to be so unhappy.

Here for your secrets to making it ok!

Me! I have been in love and been with really nice men (and some weird ones). But I’m truly happier on my own. As PP have said, financially it is a bit harder. I have never ever wanted children which I think is a big factor.

I want to be a truly happy single person.

I've been single for most of my life. I've never had a genuine loving relationship. Never had anyone tell me they loved me and never felt loved by anyone.

My life looks fab from the outside. Not charmed but people believe I'm content and happy.

I just have this aching inside me knowing that I will die without ever having been loved.

And that's hard.

Actually, I'm quite happy with the tjiught of being single. It's the thought of never experiencing love that weighs heavy on me.

I think it’s so sad that so many people feel doubtful it’s even possible to be happy single. Despite the fact I don’t think I know a single couple I’d describe as happy and the majority of people I know have been divorced at least once.

Yes, I'm happy!

I'd quite like to couple up with a bloke who'd have to meet a very specific set of criteria (he'd need to be clever, funny, solvent, willing to accept my dc are the priority, be fanciable & be willing to fit round my work), but I haven't met such a paragon who didn't already have a partner. & that's fine.

I'm happy having my freedom & being the captain of my own life. Occasional boyfriends are nice, but my boundaries are clearly drawn.

I am really very happy single. Wouldn’t rule out a future relationship but cannot imagine living with someone other than my children. I have been most lonely in relationships.

I know two, and to be honest I think my widowed mum and two of her widowed neighbours seem as happy as I have ever known them.

I'm in my mid 40s and have been single for a decade. I love it and never wish for a relationship. I do have a child though; I imagine if I was child free I would feel somewhat differently.
Single suits me on many levels, but having a child means I have to look out for her best interests too and a procession of possibilities or a blended family set up is not the life I want for her.
If an independent, funny, kind man who likes dancing and books and music walked into my life, I would be very happy with a fortnightly shag in a lovely hotel. Unfortunately, people want more than I am prepared to offer and I will not give up my lovely lifestyle to accommodate someone else.

Yes, me. I have freedom all day every day and a huge fluffy ginger cat snuggly and purring at night.

I'm curious...

Of the people who are happy single, how many of you have loved and been loved? Was it a case of having loved and lost and no longer feeling that need? Or is your experience of relationships so poor that you have made a conscious decision to remain single?

And, of these, how many are truly happy with that and how many people have just decided that their experience of men/relationships is so poor that they just no longer wish to try?

I have a quiet acceptance of being single and other people have said they envy my life of singledom but, if I'm honest, my heart is broken and I am resigned to acceptance.

For me, it's not the 'being single' bit that bothers me. More the never having experienced a loving relationship; never being loved; never having had someone look at me like I'm the only person who matters; never having someone do something just to make me smile; or drive just to see me.

I once had the experience of someone lighting up when I entered the room but he was married so I didn't entertain it. That's the closest I've ever come to experiencing it.

I have some couple friends who have the most amazing stories of how they met and truly love each other.

I wish I had a great love story. Or even just a mediocre one!

If this relationship ends I've made the decision I don't another.
I think nowadays there is a lot more equality and there's a lot to be said for being single and your own space.

I know a few

I have FELT loved and I have loved, but for whatever reason it hasn't lasted. They turn out to be fickle. I go off them (for a good reason, not a stupid one).

I just don't think it's worth the hassle of looking for love. I'm not closed off to it but it's not a very 'mindful' way to live.. to have one on out scouting for potential love interests. It's like you're not enjoying THIS life you have because you have notion you should be with somebody.

I'm going to live as well and as bravely as I can. I have two teens at home still but I look forward to a bit more freedom in the years to come. I will be off doing stained glass window courses, silver smith jewellery design courses, dress design, creative writing, singles holidays to destinations I want to visit. I do want to be braver and I will fear the fear and do it anyway.

@evensong11

I know two, and to be honest I think my widowed mum and two of her widowed neighbours seem as happy as I have ever known them.

A lot of older women are rejuvenated by widowhood.

I've loved, very deeply, and, I think, been loved.

Didn't work out, for whatever reasons. But I have my children and I think it's easier to be single when you've had children (if you wanted them).

My secret to being a happy singleton is to get a good work/life balance. I work to live, enjoy my downtime and have a lovely little dog to keep me company. I earn enough to cover the bills, have enough time to pursue my hobbies and have a reasonable amount of success in my creative job. I think that combination leaves me at peace with myself.

Some days I love being single and some days I hate. Much rather be single though instead of a relationship which is needy or causes stress/upset/ drama. I just don't want that. I used to mistake excitement for worry. I don't do that again. Younger me was prepared to put everything into a marriage -all of me. Older me -doesn't see the point in marriage -marriage for me is raising children and family. My marriage led quickly to divorce and sole parenting. So I really don't get why I would do it now. I do live with my children -and would never want to live alone. But if my children didn't want to live with me -I would get a lodger.

@RainyDaysAndCocoa I have been in some happy relationships that ultimately haven't lasted. I have loved and been loved. It's not a case of being cynical about romantic love (although I do occasionally question whether the peace I feel is really more of a resignation...)

It's just that at the moment I would rather invest my time, energy and head space into other relationships and other sources of love (eg family, friends) These get neglected when I'm in a relationship.
You may yet meet the love of your life - as might I. A good friend met theirs (first proper true love) in their early 50s.

I’ve been single all my life and I’ve honestly never met a guy whom I felt could make me happier than I am single.

I don't know that many truly happy people, happy yes but not truly happy. No ones life is perfect no matter what they project.

My mum is single, widowed relatively young at 50 and hasn't been bothered about meeting anyone in the last 8 years. She has her dog, a job, friends and now the grandchildren and when I've asked says she is happy and has no desire for another romantic relationship. My DGM similarly, widowed young and had a few relationships but after the last one ended didn't bother again and has been happy for 30+ years.

A friend has been single for around 10 years after a marriage ended badly and is now single and happy with no desire to start another relationship.

I don't know anyone to my mind that has always been single and happy about it, although before DH i never had a burning desire.

Of the people who are happy single, how many of you have loved and been loved? Was it a case of having loved and lost and no longer feeling that need? Or is your experience of relationships so poor that you have made a conscious decision to remain single?

I think it's a mix of the two. I've been married twice both ended at my instigation. Also lived with two others, one I ended, the other ended it with me. My second marriage was the last long term relationship I had and it was hell on earth by the time I finished it. He was the last roll of the dice and the one I had my children with. After I had children and my marriage to their dad ended I never felt like I needed to look for another relationship and I know i could never fully trust a relationship partner again so what's the point? It's not like I didn't give the relationship thing a good try, I really did. Multiple times but ultimately it doesn't work for me.

But yes I have been loved, a few times and that probably does help a person to be happy single.