Do you know many (any?) truly happy single people?

[cheezy]

As I sat in a zoom meeting with a bank of faces in front of me, I realised that I was the only person in that group with no partner. I didn't feel at all sad about this, but thought how interesting it is that as humans we do tend to couple up and it's the 'done thing'. I'm recently single and at an age where I need to crack on ASAP with finding a partner to have children with - if that's what I want, but I find myself really content being on my own. It's quite a surprise to me. I have had moments of real angst about this in the past and in those moments I try to remember people I know who are single and/ or childless and who lead fulfilling, full lives. I have an actual list somewhere. I really think it's possible to live like this, but I feel a bit of a freak for thinking this (or maybe I'm projecting)

I have one friend (male) who has always been single, never ever had a partner and swears he prefers it this way, but I don't know anyone else like this. Other than religious people who've chosen a single life as a calling.
They're not very common are they, truly happy single people.

[hiredandsqueak]

Yes I got a dog when exh left as well and she is great. Fully recommend having a dog for company.

[YgritteSnow]

@Zaphodsotherhead

To be honest though, I would be a lot less happily single if it weren't for my dog.

She gives me a reason to get up and out each day (even if the weather is appalling - three walks a day, minimum), she's a great conversation starter (usually from a distance, she's horrible!) with other walkers, she gives me something warm to cuddle and something to fuss over.

I know, I know, it's a dreadful cliche, but honestly, having a pet (as long as you like them and it fits with your lifestyle) can be a game changer if you have to live alone. Just having SOMETHING that gives you a need to have a routine; that is pleased to see you and will give you a cuddle can be all the difference between home feeling like home and feeling like just another place to be alone.

I couldn't agree more. I remember in the years after ex H and I split, people would say "oh you must be so lonely when the kids are in bed or away" and I would be and say "but I am not alone, A is there". A being my dog who I had for 15 years and who would orient himself to wherever I was in the room and as 11 pm approached would stretch and start pacing around indicating it was time for his last visit outside and that it was high time we got ourselves to bed. I have another boy now and we are devoted to each other.

Dogs are the best thing ever, far better than people.

[Ultimatecougar]

@Zaphodsotherhead it is true you can be happy without being rich. But it is tiresome listening to coupled up people waxing lyrical about all the fabulous travelling and interests they would embrace if they were single when they've always had 2 incomes coming in.

My friend has no living parents and her parents also didn't own their own homes so there is no inheritance. She also doesn't drive for medical reasons and various things in her life are a bit harder for her as a result of not having a driver in the house.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I'm post menopausal so I don't miss sex at all



I'm with you. No desire for sex ever again.

And I don't have much money either @Ultimatecougar. Tiny wages from my shop job, no savings, income of around £11,000 pa. I spent every penny my mum left on buying my home (which saves me rent but bloody hell something new breaks every week!). I think there are plenty of people who are happy but not rich. It helps that I live rurally though, and can sit and look at trees or go walking without financial input.

[Allington]

I've been single for over 15 years now. Very happy about it. I am a parent, though, and there would have been a big gap in my life if I wasn't, but I adopted so did that as a single.

[Ultimatecougar]

I think it's difficult to know if someone is happy from the outside. I have a single friend who seems happy. I also have 2 more single friends who are are not happy about it or at least ambivalent. None of them have children and they have now reached an age where it's no longer possible.

Money does make a difference. My single friend who is unhappy doesn't have a high income and has never owned her own home. She can't afford the travelling lifestyle with lots of hobbies that people trot out as the good things about being single. She did want children, but wouldn't have had the confidence or the financial resources to go it alone.

I am single following a brutal breakdown of my marriage. Sometimes I'm ok. But I have a recurring ache in my chest where I want to love and be loved by a person who chooses to, not a blood relation. I don't think it will ever go away.

[MakeItRain]

I'm single and haven't had a relationship since my divorce, nearly ten years ago. It has slowly dawned on me over the past few years that I actually much prefer to be on my own. I hate the thought now, of living with a partner. I do have children though, which I think makes a big difference to how happy I feel "alone".

I've had a few relationships in my life, mostly disastrous, but also some affectionate and loving ones (initially at least!) I don't think I was very good at knowing what made me happy when I was younger.

The most I would have in my life now, relationship-wise, is maybe someone who wanted the odd night or day out, and no demands whatsoever, but even that isn't something I actively want.

I guess I might feel less happy if I'd never experienced relationships in the past as I know what I'm "missing" and know that how I'm living now really suits me and makes me happy.

Funnily enough most of the single people I know are (or seem to be) happy, but then again so are most of the couples I know. No-one is on cloud 9 permanently, but I don't think life is really like that.

[redcarbluecar]

Do you know many 'truly' happy people generally? I'm single and think I'm fairly happy. It's just my life.

[TwentyViginti]

Single for decades and look far younger than the long-married women my age that I know!

[TintagliaBlue]

I’ve been single for six years. Genuinely happy. I have no intention of ever having a partner again. I do have two children. I’m not 40 yet but can’t ever imagine wanting a partner.

[PeppermintPasty]

Me, I am thankful for being single every day. Been on my own for over eight years, I love it. I have always liked being by myself, alone but rarely lonely iykwim.

I am 51, can genuinely never ever see me with someone again and this fills me with relief and happiness, not dread.

Usual pretty full social life, lots of friends etc.

I have two dc too, but have felt this way all my life tbh, and will feel the same when they have flown the nest or whatever. I sort of fell into a relationship with their father, we were together a long time sadly, he was and is an arsehole. But I’ve never been that keen on boyfriends, I find them a bit dull and stressful!!

[madcatladyforever]

I'm not 100% happy all of the time, who is but it's a hell of a lot better than living with someone you have grown to hate in a miserable relationship.
At least I can do what I want when I want. I don't tend to feel lonely, I have a lot of hobbies and can always meet up with friends and relatives.
I guess the biggest things you lose living on your own are:
Someone to go to the pub with and chat to whenever I want.I don't drink but it is still nice to get out for the evening.
Dual salary and pension and someone to grow old with.
Someone to go on holiday with or camping for the weekend or music festivals.
Other than that I don't miss much, neither of my husbands did anything in the house, I do all my own DIY, all my own gardning. I'm post menopausal so I don't miss sex at all.
I would only have another relationship if they had their own home and job, I'd prefer to continue living alone but maybe have a boyfriend to go out with or away with.
At the end of the day I like to shut my own front door.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

To be honest though, I would be a lot less happily single if it weren't for my dog.

She gives me a reason to get up and out each day (even if the weather is appalling - three walks a day, minimum), she's a great conversation starter (usually from a distance, she's horrible!) with other walkers, she gives me something warm to cuddle and something to fuss over.

I know, I know, it's a dreadful cliche, but honestly, having a pet (as long as you like them and it fits with your lifestyle) can be a game changer if you have to live alone. Just having SOMETHING that gives you a need to have a routine; that is pleased to see you and will give you a cuddle can be all the difference between home feeling like home and feeling like just another place to be alone.

[monkeyonthetable]

A close friend of mine is single through choice. Never wanted kids, never felt close enough to a man to marry him (she was asked at least once.) She just loves the freedom of living alone. She travels a lot, sees friends a lot, goes out a lot, but is, essentially, a very private person who needs a lot of down time alone. She does silent retreats every year too.

[EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus]

It's hard because the thinking seems to be that wanting to meet someone means you are not happy within yourself. I can't accept that wanting to meet a partner means you are automatically lacking.

I wouldn’t say that, I’d have thought being happy within yourself would be a pretty strong starting point for finding a good relationship if you want one.

[hiredandsqueak]

I separated from exh 3 years ago (was married 28 years) I'm single and have never been happier in my adult life. I will be staying single forever. I'm content with my own company and have no desire to ever share my home or life ever again.

[EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus]

@coronaway

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

Some of the time, absolutely. But we’re all different and I know what works for me. I’m sorry you’re unhappy.

[pallisers]

I have an friend now in her 50s who has never had a sexual/romantic relationship. She is one of the happiest people I know. She lives on her own, has a lovely holiday cottage too, recently took a sabbatical year in Europe and is thinking of buying an apartment in Paris eventually. She is very engaged with multiple interests and has different circles of friends. She is very close to her family/nieces and nephews too.

[coronaway]

@SaintofBats

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

And there's literally no way to be with people other than to be in a couple, obviously.

Not sure my married friends would be that keen if I moved in with them 😅

[Elizaeliza]

I’ve been single for 2 years now after a 20year marriage. I can’t see myself ever living with anyone again or even a relationship if I’m honest.
I’m really quite content as I am. I’m lucky in that I have a few single friends to socialize with and I’m very happy in my own company pottering around my house and garden. One day I hope I’m brave enough to travel alone but I’m not ready yet!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I spend all my working hours talking to people.

That is one of the reasons I'm glad to be single. It's wonderful to go home, shut the door and not have to engage in conversation until I go back to work again!

[AlternativePerspective]

Ultimately I think it’s down to recognising the difference between what you want and what you need.

Some people are single and they feel the need for a relationship, and because that might not happen for them they feel unfulfilled. Others might be single and might want a relationship, but it has to be the right one, and as such they can happily remain single.

I do have a partner although we don’t live together for logistical reasons. But if we ever split I would never go out and look for another relationship. I’m happy to be in a relationship right now, but I certainly don’t need a man to make me happy.

[SaintofBats]

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.

And there's literally no way to be with people other than to be in a couple, obviously.

[coronaway]

Hate being single. We're social brings and are designed to be with people.