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Original poster

Is it worth trying OLD to find a part-time middle aged boyfriend?

26 replies

eternalrain · 19/08/2020 13:29

I'm late 40s - with young with young children. I'm busy but would like a partner. I could only meet someone once or twice a week. I don't really imagine ever wanting a man to move in with me and the kids.

Is it worth trying OLD? Are there likely to be any guys looking for a very part-time girlfriend? Or should I just give up and accept single-dom?

OP posts:
seensome · 19/08/2020 13:41

When you first start dating someone it's only really expected that you meet them once or twice a week, if you like each other enough seeing more of them evolves over time. You can't imagine living with someone again now but if you fall in love, who knows what will happen, just date and take it from there.

BK187 · 19/08/2020 13:53

There will be a lot of men interested in this set up, particularly if they have children too. Just be very clear in your message.

Original poster
eternalrain · 19/08/2020 13:56

Thanks, that's encouraging!

I really can't imagine having more time until the kids are much, much older - years away.

OP posts:
Original poster
eternalrain · 19/08/2020 14:01

I guess I was a bit put off by a guy I dated (met in real life) who despite me telling him clearly how limited my time was and did he really want to get involved with me on that basis, and him saying yes, he quickly started to pressure me into living with him, and it all got really horrible and he got quite unpleasant with me, blaming me for his loneliness and how I had taken all his hope away.

It kinda put me off and made me think I could never date anyone due to my limited free time.. But looking back, I guess he was just majorly unhinged and maybe I should give it another go.

OP posts:
Aerial2020 · 19/08/2020 14:08

That sounds fine.
I wouldn't personally put that on your profile though. I think that would come up in chatting? You might get all sorts assuming you are up for very casual.
Nothing wrong with that, but OLD can be a minefield wielding out the rubbish men!

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/08/2020 14:16

That's exactly what I have op. I went OLD after my marriage ended, not really knowing what I was looking for but as time went on, it became clear that I didn't want to live with anyone and wanted to keep my time with my kids without someone else there.

I met my bf and was honest from the start what my situation was (I'm not actually legally divorced yet but have been separated almost 3 years). He also likes his own space and has a social life outside of me so it suits us both fine. We live an hour's drive apart so see each other EOW when I don't have my kids and usually a night in the week too. I can't see that changing for a long time.

I have got very used to my independence and space and don't want to give that up completely.

Not everyone is looking for their next wife/mother of their kids.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 19/08/2020 14:17

I'd e very careful about how you word it.i wouldnt say part time as tbh I think you'll end up a load of married men or men simply looking for casual sexual encounters messaging them. You'll get them anyway but theres no point making it worse for yourself ha ha.

I would probably word it in a way that explains you're busy and independent with your own interests but looking for something could develop over time and looking for someone similar

ALittleBitConfused1 · 19/08/2020 14:19

Excuse the typos,didnt have my glasses on,hope that made sense.

Aerial2020 · 19/08/2020 14:22

@ALittleBitConfused1

I'd e very careful about how you word it.i wouldnt say part time as tbh I think you'll end up a load of married men or men simply looking for casual sexual encounters messaging them. You'll get them anyway but theres no point making it worse for yourself ha ha.

I would probably word it in a way that explains you're busy and independent with your own interests but looking for something could develop over time and looking for someone similar

Yes. This is good
smallestleaf · 19/08/2020 14:28

I would probably word it in a way that explains you're busy and independent with your own interests but looking for something could develop over time and looking for someone similar

I'm also cautious about attracting weirdos being as I have young kids. Its one reason of many that I want to keep my kids and any potential partners well apart.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 19/08/2020 16:05

That's very similar to what I have on mine anyway. I'm single and my children have left home but I'm early 40s and would like a relationship. I tried the whole looking for dating/something casual and some of freaks that then started messaging , well it wasnt what I was looking for.

I now have that I'm looking for a relationship and when I meet them, they always ask what are looking for anyway, i explain i want something committed and exclusive but obviously someone with their own interests, life and home. More like lets live our own lives and then merge our lifes as and when necessary.

If that makes sense.
I'm not sure if i would ever want to live with a partner again. I'm not ruling it out but if i did it would be a long way down the line, alternatively I'd like to meet someone who wants more than just sex etc.

SoulofanAggron · 19/08/2020 17:55

I think there are a lot of people in this/our position. Definitely worth a go. x

chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 18:01

My experiences of OLD have been err horrific.

But you could be lucky. Just make sure that your boundaries are firm and stay firm

IndieTara · 19/08/2020 18:08

Op that's more or less what I was looking for on OLD except I wanted to meet somebody I could see maybe 3 times a month. However I worded things and however honest I was I only ever found sleazebags who wanted ONS or me to be the other woman or idiots who assumed I was lying and really wanted a man to be joined at the hip with.
I am early 50's though. But it's as if they can't conceive of a woman wanting to keep her independence and space!

Gilda152 · 19/09/2020 13:31

OP I met DH on Tinder and we still to this day live an hour apart after 6 years together and it works great. That's because I put my DD and time with her first and now she's just gone to uni literally this week we're looking at moving together. We both love our own space and love meeting up too and as PP have said lots of men would be completely satisfied with this set up but as with us all, the delicate ego means that spelling it out is tricky! You could strategically aim for someone who doesn't live too close so that dates are occasions and do it that way. Could work

noego · 19/09/2020 15:12

P/T gfs suit me and fortunately it suits them too. it's feasible. It's about having an honest conversation with the person involved. Anything other than what's agreed is a no no and it ends.
Have a read of Relationship anarchy OP

Willowmartha1 · 19/09/2020 15:40

As a single mum I can only manage every other Saturday night ! I also need someone part time, knowing me I would worry what they were up to the rest of the time though !!

safeordangerous · 19/09/2020 15:50

@eternalrain

I'm late 40s - with young with young children. I'm busy but would like a partner. I could only meet someone once or twice a week. I don't really imagine ever wanting a man to move in with me and the kids.

Is it worth trying OLD? Are there likely to be any guys looking for a very part-time girlfriend? Or should I just give up and accept single-dom?

Yes there is! I posted something similar on Dadsnet recently. Blokes that work full time and have kids Eow (I also see on my non weekend) As mentioned you just need to be clear what you're looking for so it doesn't get misinterpreted. Good luck!
SweatyBetty20 · 19/09/2020 16:12

I found one - I’m 48 and he’s a sporty 51. I said I had a full, fun life but it would be nice to meet someone to do things with a couple of times a week or so. Amidst all the pensioners emails he got in touch. I don’t have kids but he’s a 50:50 dad, so he comes round on Sunday morning and goes home Monday morning. I don’t want to move in with him, nor he me. It’s early days but it’s lovely.

Cherrygirl3 · 19/09/2020 21:01

I know how you feel OP. I'm looking for similar too. Not had much luck with old (most guys looking for ons/affairs/sleaze) Hmm Anyone got any dating site recommendations for 50+? Have tried okc, hinge, happn and Bumble so far. Am I too old for Tinder?

SoulofanAggron · 19/09/2020 23:10

Yes, there are plenty of people in the same boat.

@Cherrygirl3 Have you tried PoF?

eatsleepread · 20/09/2020 00:24

Once or twice a week sounds plenty to me!
And good on you for putting your kids first 👍

Frownette · 20/09/2020 00:51

That made me smile a bit reading your description :)

There must be plenty of people in the same boat who have children commitments. But good luck with it.

Cherrygirl3 · 20/09/2020 08:45

@SoulofanAggron

Yes, there are plenty of people in the same boat.

@Cherrygirl3 Have you tried PoF?

I did try it a few years ago....briefly. Do you think it's worth another go? Heard some horror stories about it so it put me off.
noego · 20/09/2020 10:43

IME this P/T friend thing is not uncommon. Personally i think tinder is crap.
The problem with OLD is that you're going to inundated with dickheads that see it as something else. Better saying looking for a friend first and foremost and see what develops.