Been with DP 5 years, lived together 3 of them. When we met I was a single mum and he was a bachelor. We now have a 1yr old together as well as my eldest.
Last Friday DP went out "to watch the football with his dad" and didn't come home. He often goes out and comes back at ridiculous times eg 2/3am but has never just not come home. I think he is a problem drinker, he says he's just sociable and I don't get it as I'm not. (I am sociable just on a different level, and my socialising doesn't involve getting totally pissed).
When he came back he said sorry I fell asleep at my mates, whatever I do is wrong, I'm only going out once a week (untrue), it's not like I'm out every night, etc blah blah blah. Basically turned it around on me as though I'm an evil witch that never lets him have fun. He summed up at the end with "I don't want to keep getting things wrong, if you don't think I can maybe we need to have a think about what we both want."
Saturday night he nodded off after getting toddler DS2 to sleep. Sunday night we talked. He said he feels like he doesn't know who he is anymore and he's lost his confidence as we've lost our intimacy.
2020 I think we've had sex twice and even things like hugs have eroded over lockdown. He's an extrovert and I'm an introvert. He's struggled in lockdown not seeing anyone or socialising and I've struggled having a house full of people needing me 24/7. Needy toddler. Eldest has special needs and has had no special school, no time out with a carer no time even at his dad's house since Mid March. I'm completely overhwelmed and overstretched, basically I've shut/broke down. Im now on day 10 of sertraline after approaching my GP about my low mood and anxiety both being at worrying levels.
Monday day I was googling introvert/extrovert relationships, how to regain intimacy in a relationship, etc. Trying to think how we can understand each other better and try and get a plan together of how to get back on track.
Monday night we talked again. I asked him if he had any ideas or thoughts on what we should do, and he said he thinks maybe he needs some time away from home to try and get his old self back. I asked what he missed and what he wanted more/less of and basically he's sad he doesn't watch football as much, rarely watches films, and doesn't go out as much as he'd like. And the sex.
So his solution that he's leaning to is more, go to his mates and have a nice old time I'm presuming.
He also said what if I get the old me back but you still have no sex drive, then I still won't feel happy.
It's all me, me me.
I've always known we were very different, he's right on that one, but I thought we could make it work. I'd hoped we could regain our intimacy and having looked into it it's a sensible plan of how to do so.
But now I'm questioning if I want to. I feel like ont he Saturday morning he wanted me to give him an out. Which he says he doesn't. But he wants to solve HIS unhappiness and then think if he wants to save us I think. Whereas my initial thoughts were how do we get back to both being happy together, his outlook seems somewhat different.
There's things I've been unhappy with too but I feel he just wants to do what he wants and have me be a "cool" girlfriend who let's him go out anytime, etc and not question anything or demand anything.
I'm heartbroken that I may have to split time with my toddler. I never wanted that. I never thought I'd have a second child and only did so as I thought we were solid enough to work through anything that came our way.
I know I can cope as a single mum but it's not what I wanted for DS2. Also we private rent, he's the main tenant, and it's a bigger more expensive house than I had previously.
I feel completely overhwelmed and heartbroken.