Does the truth come out when drunk?

[fmlfmlfmlfm]

When someone is drunk does truth come out? Or do they chat crap?

I believe it's your inner feelings. Boyfriend (who broke up with me whilst highly intoxicated) says it was just him chatting crap.

It's been a highly stressful month. Unplanned pregnancy, new relationship. I've given him the choice to walk away and he chose not to.

I accepted his choice of breaking up last night and today been told it's all a mistake and he didn't mean it and he wants to be in a relationship.

I've told him not to make any decisions just yet, and have left us broken up.

Thoughts?

(To clarify he's not being an arse he couldn't be nicer to me. I'm not angry or upset I'm just confused) I dealt with the realisation of doing it on my own right from the start so it's not that I 'need' him. I want him.

Tough one! I can only go on from when I’ve been drunk and said stuff, to me alcohol gives me the courage to say things and do things I wouldn’t normally do while sober.

I believe we release our deepest thoughts when drunk, because we remove societal barriers that would stop us sober.

This is a really big situation, and its hard to really break it down without more information like how long you have been together, your current situations etc.

To be honest though, that is a stressful situation to be in and I feel that a lot of guys respond sober how they feel they are expected to respond, or relevant to the image they want to portray i.e - stand up guy who is going to be there... but deep down that isn't how they feel.

Sorry its been a stressful time for you

I think the truth does come when drunk yes. It gives some the courage to actually say what they don’t have the courage to say sober.
I agree with your staying broken up from him x

Totally stay away from him.

Even if he is saying he 100% wants to be with you he would no way have said what he did if he truly wants you.

Drunk people say true things and either don't remember when they're sober (as when sober they have full control and wouldn't allow their mind to explore some thoughts) OR they regret what they've said.

I talk a lot of bollocks when I'm drunk. But, that's irrelevant really. I don't know your partner and it sounds like a really difficult situation.

I think it brings out your true personality/feelings more.

I think it’s so damaging when people say that the truth comes out when someone is drunk. In some cases it does but anyone who has lived with an alcoholic would most likely disagree with this.

In vino veritas exists for a reason

Not necessarily.
I think if an argument occurs or someone is highly stressed or things like that then they might suddenly make things out to be a bigger deal than they really are to them.

However in your situation I would be worried, if he could feel that way when he's drunk then what would stop him doing something to fuck up the relationship while drunk...cheating for example because he doesn't care about the relationship any more and an opportunity arises?

But the other side of the coin is that he could have conflicted emotions right now due to the unplanned pregnancy and could be panicking while he gets his head around it.

You said it's been a stressful month with a new relationship and unplanned pregnancy......have you only got together in this month or how long have you been together?

I think it's normal for anyone to have doubts and conflicting feelings about commitment in new relationships. It doesn't necessarily mean that if they express doubts or have moments where they are unsure that they are the truthful thoughts and that the other things they say such as wanting to be together are lying.

You are absolutely doing the right thing not getting back together straight away though.

I think largely it's true, a person's real personality comes out when they're drunk. You lose inhibitions so are more likely to say the things you usually think but don't say.

However, in your example, I think he is reasonably scared and uncertain and it may well be true thoughts that came out but that does mean they're his only thoughts.

Alcohol is know as a truth serum. It has previously be used in military-style situations to get suspects to talk. I believe there is some merit to the belief that alcohol disinhibits people to say what they feel. So, I would go with that hunch in decision-making. The bottom line is that if a relationship is hard work, and requires serious debating about if you should stay together...you probably should abandon ship. Relationships are supposed to make you happy, and when they don't then you should leave the person to find a better life.

@BobbinThreadbare123

In vino veritas exists for a reason

I was going to say exactly this.

Why would you want to tie yourself up with someone who gets so shit-faced he isn’t in control?

You say this is a new relationship, when you would expect him to be on his best behaviour. I wouldn’t care what he said being that shit-faced is a red flag and highly unattractive. It will only get worse. Dump.

I say it’s not true; I’ve said various nonsense while drunk that just isn’t true. In your boyfriends case I think the stress may have come out in what he said but doesn’t mean he actually wants to break up with you.
Last time I was really drunk I told my DH that it was my lifelong dream to live on a farm - it definitely is not but I think I was feeling quite swamped by busy life and came up with that thought as a calmer life.

I’ve never told anyone I wanted to break up with them whilst drunk.....surely you’d only say that sort of shit if you meant it-drunk or sober??

I believe so sometimes in certain circumstances.
Some drunks are just nasty others let the truth slip.
What is on a sober mans mind ends on a drunk man's lips.

I find it to be true, from every person I have known and got drunk with, but as PP said probably not if alcohol is a problem such as an alcoholic.

I am shocked when people forgive when one half of the relationship says they've only cheated because they were drunk. I think being drunk brings out what they want to say and do when sober.

I think a version of the truth can come out.

By breaking up with you, he must have been considering it.

If this is a very new relationship and you are pregnant, then you have huge life changing decisions to make.

I wouldn't factor him into your decision.
He sounds skittish.

Best of luck

Lifelong dream of living on a farm [grim].

As a pp said it could be considered a truth serum, it can get people to open up and overshare...but that doesn't mean that those are the genuine thoughts that people are experiencing and battling every day while they hide them and try to portray themselves as a nicer, kinder, better person while sober. It's all very Freudian to think that that is what is going on.

Alcohol is also a depressant, so if he was stressed about the pregnancy while sober, manageable, normal stress.....it could have been amplified while drunk to make him think of the situation as entirely negative.

Also a couple of pp have experiences with living with alcoholics....My ex was a problem drinker. He was awful while drunk, a completely different person. That's not who he was when sober. AT ALL.
So that's another thing for you to consider, how often have you seen him drunk? Does it seem to affect his personality a lot more than other people? make him meaner for example or just focused only on wanting to drink more and more? It might be too early in the relationship for you to have seen that side of him much, but if he does make a habit of it now then I think the vast majority of people who have been in relationships with problem drinkers will tell you to get out now and stay away!

Thank you for everyone's thoughts.

I kind of agree.

Please no judgement, but basically got together during lockdown, and discovered I was 4 weeks pregnant after being together 2 months x it's been 3 weeks since this all came out.

He didn't want the baby, (understandable) and he took it very badly. We then spoke and carried on for the past week...

He met sone of family yesterday and got drunk with my sisters partner (for his birthday ) they left.. he sat me down, started crying and said I'm not happy, I can't feel what isn't there I want to etc etc but I'm here for the baby we're going to
Make this work I care so much about you you're wonderful etc .

Then today.. telling me he misses me, wants a relationship etc he was chatting crap and he shouldn't have drank so much...

X it's all a lot to take in. My hormones are all over the shop. And he only split from his ex just under a year ago so he does have a lot to consider... it was going so well.. but he did say that his thought were prior to finding out I was pregnant.

I've given the option to walk away.. he said no he's not a c**t he wouldn't do that etc.

I'm so confused x

He didn't want the baby, (understandable) and he took it very badly
he said no he's not a ct he wouldn't do that etc

I think he feels stuck. He wants to be the good guy that sticks around and helps, but he also doesn't want to be a dad right now.
He is doing, as he thinks, is his best in a bad situation.

These are not ideal circumstances and he probably does have conflicting feelings. Take it slowly.

@Rubiikk

He didn't want the baby, (understandable) and he took it very badly he said no he's not a ct he wouldn't do that etc

I think he feels stuck. He wants to be the good guy that sticks around and helps, but he also doesn't want to be a dad right now.
He is doing, as he thinks, is his best in a bad situation.

He seems to genuinely have come around now... I asked him if he still wanted me to have an abortion to know his thoughts and he said no he didn't. He's told his family and friends it seems to be the relationship he's stuck with... he's admitted he's very confused. We spoke in great length for hours over this also. And said we'd be friends etc. Then I dropped him home (after he cooked me breakfast 🤨), he slept for a few hours then did a 360! Despite accepting this breakup. And he insists he was partly drunk still and not thinking straight and said he thinks he wants a relationship with me. I've said think isn't enough for me right now...

Thanks for no judgement x