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Original poster

Does the truth come out when drunk?

58 replies

fmlfmlfmlfm · 16/08/2020 19:39

When someone is drunk does truth come out? Or do they chat crap?

I believe it's your inner feelings. Boyfriend (who broke up with me whilst highly intoxicated) says it was just him chatting crap.

It's been a highly stressful month. Unplanned pregnancy, new relationship. I've given him the choice to walk away and he chose not to.

I accepted his choice of breaking up last night and today been told it's all a mistake and he didn't mean it and he wants to be in a relationship.

I've told him not to make any decisions just yet, and have left us broken up.

Thoughts?

(To clarify he's not being an arse he couldn't be nicer to me. I'm not angry or upset I'm just confused) I dealt with the realisation of doing it on my own right from the start so it's not that I 'need' him. I want him.

OP posts:
Thisismyusernamefornow · 16/08/2020 21:42

I think a version of the truth comes out. A worry or concern can become something else when drunk and it's manifests as a drunken decision that might not accurately represent the problem but does highlight that there is an issue.

Original poster
fmlfmlfmlfm · 16/08/2020 21:46

I think this is similar to what a friend was saying.. he believed he was telling the truth 100 percent as that was his feeling at the time, but maybe not that feeling when sober.

I'm waiting for a completely fresh few days.. I've opted to go and visit a friend 2 hours away x

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 16/08/2020 21:51

@Rubiikk

He didn't want the baby, (understandable) and he took it very badly he said no he's not a ct he wouldn't do that etc

I think he feels stuck. He wants to be the good guy that sticks around and helps, but he also doesn't want to be a dad right now.
He is doing, as he thinks, is his best in a bad situation.

In vino veritas.

However it's a difficult kit situation and he's probably struggling with what to think / do. I wouldn't put too much in a drunken night in this instance.

amillionwishes · 16/08/2020 22:19

I chat absolute shite when I'm drunk.

Have a sober conversation.

amillionwishes · 16/08/2020 22:22

My reply was so unhelpful, sorry.

I think when we're drunk we may voice worries that we've overblown due to being under the influence, it doesn't mean that we actually find them so much of an issue.

Original poster
fmlfmlfmlfm · 16/08/2020 22:27

Oh there was plenty of that too don't worry! He was convinced at one point that my cat was cross bred with a panther insisted for about 20 minutes 😂

OP posts:
conduitoffortune · 16/08/2020 22:44

Honestly, I have said all sorts of things that I don't mean and don't believe when I have been drunk.

equuscaballus · 16/08/2020 22:55

Two of my family members do this, what comes out is always their worst fears badly framed.

Lolalovesroses · 16/08/2020 23:20

No,I talk nonsense when drunk, create fantastical stories, have mad crazy " business ideas" that I'd have no interest in in the morning. That's why I no longer drink. It's a hard situation for you. His actions in the coming months will tell you all you need to know.

Aminuts23 · 16/08/2020 23:54

That’s a lot to process in such a short time. He probably has no idea whether he wants a long term relationship with you. You barely know one another. I’m not surprised it’s mixed messages.
I also talk total crap when I’m drunk but I’m guessing he probably was voicing his fears rather clumsily.
In his shoes I’d be scared as I’m sure you are too. I think you’ll just have to see how it pans out relationship wise. Probably much too early to know if it’ll work out. Good luck with your pregnancy

amusedtodeath1 · 17/08/2020 02:29

Sounds like he's torn, it's all happening really fast and a part of him is scared/unsure. He wouldn't act on or discuss this part of his feelings sober. On reflection he's decided not to act on those feelings.

For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing, let him sit with his feelings for a few days and then have a conversation.

Flowers
Sakurami · 17/08/2020 02:56

No, I talk a lot of shit when drunk. If I start swiping on OLD when drunk I make the most awful choices, I invite my friends to stuff that when sober I dont want to organise and say some stuff that isn't me at all.

Having said that, anyone (including you probably?) Is going to be apprehensive at becoming a parent just a couple of months into a relationship? The relationship may work out but neither of you know each other well enough yet to know that.

Monty27 · 17/08/2020 03:02

Often the drama llama arrives when too much alcohol has been consumed and it doesn't do straight thinking and takes charge of verbal communication etc
I don't do drama. As soon as I see a curtain open I'm offskie 😳

1forAll74 · 17/08/2020 03:18

I think it can be a bit of both really.. crap talk, and also truth talk.
It may depend on the type of drinks consumed also, and the amount of alcohol taken. Blind drunk on copious amounts of spirits.or 15 pints of beer will maybe result in crap nonsensical talk, but a couple of wines etc can make for some interesting truthful chat.

JackPaul · 17/08/2020 03:22

The thing is, how you feel about something comes out 10 times worse and more intense when drunk, completely irrational. It's not a lack of filter thing as much as lack of rational thinking.
There might be a grain of truth but a lot of rubbish and drunk exaggeration.
Also a person can have their head and heart conflicting and go with their sober head. It's really intense finding out you are pregnant so quickly during a pandemic no less so id cut him some slack but you are in no obligation to terminate or give him another chance. What do you want?

JackPaul · 17/08/2020 03:24

I agree with truth more likely if you just had a couple of beers or wines but if you been nicking down shots, 6 pints, a bottle or two of winr then its none sense.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 17/08/2020 03:56

Agree with others. Not the truth that comes out but deep seated worries and fears - the absolute rubbish I spout when drunk is unbelievable. My entire rational brain goes to pot yet, at the time, I think I'm speaking with complete clarity. I wake up the day mortified. I have learnt to shut up when I'm drunk and not to make serious decisions, get into serious conversations or to buy anything when drunk.

Flowers009 · 17/08/2020 04:44

I'm answering on the question does the truth come out when drunk

Not necessarily I have lied when drunk.
However some things are true

Original poster
fmlfmlfmlfm · 17/08/2020 06:45

I personally have strong feelings re termination so it wasn't an option for me (I'm pro choice for anyone that would need my support to clarify but for me it's not an option) And I was very honest about this decision from the beginning and explained my reasons why. And explained because I had given him no choice effectively and felt terrible for it that I wouldn't hold it against him to walk away, but within a week he had decided not to.

We're talking copious amounts. Some pre drinks to calm the nerves of meeting some family members... added to some birthday celebrations.

Previously when we've shared a bottle of wine at the beginning of his relationship he's told me some emotional stuff which is why I was like oh it's his emotional side coming out when he was hammered.. but honestly I feel terrible which is why I've never said that there is any pressure, if he doesn't want to continue us then I would understand....

I think my thoughts are more the fact we spoke for Hours about it (in between nonsense drunk talk) lots of tears and hugs etc. And then I clarified this is in the morning when he woke up... so the deal was done, I arranged to go away to process it for a few days at a friends.

It was when he left me and had a sleep he woke up telling me that he was wrong etc. But maybe this was hungover talk. Worried and depressed and didn't want to be alone.

I'm not really much of a drinker myself. I generally tell everyone I love them. 🤣

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 17/08/2020 07:01

I think it can be both. Alcohol is a depressant, so worries etc. tend to feel more intense and bleak, but it also gives you courage to speak out without thinking.

I think you've done the right thing. If he's genuinely mortified and doesn't want to break up, he needs to lay off drinking so much.

RantyAnty · 17/08/2020 07:18

You're both practically strangers
I don't think what he says while drunk has any real meaning to anything.

The situation sounds like a train wreck with him being a falling down drunk and no responsibility for preventing a pregnancy.

He's just a bloke enjoying shagging with no intention of being a father but too irresponsible to think past his erection.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/08/2020 07:22

Ex dp got extremely drunk at a work function 6 months into our relationship, telling everyone we were no longer together as he was engaged to Boris Johnson's daughter Hmm
Was is true ?: No
Was he a twat ?: yes

OnTheWheelOfLife · 17/08/2020 07:23

No. I talk so much utter shit when I’m drunk and don’t mean even half of it. I cry a lot and sometimes there seems to be no particular reason. I don’t drink anymore.

All you can do is talk to him about how he is feeling and let him know how his drunken episode has made you feel. If he is maintains that it was just drunk talk then it’s up to you whether you want to trust that he means what he is saying sober and where they you can move past what he said when he was drunk?

Original poster
fmlfmlfmlfm · 17/08/2020 07:42

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Ex dp got extremely drunk at a work function 6 months into our relationship, telling everyone we were no longer together as he was engaged to Boris Johnson's daughter Hmm Was is true ?: No Was he a twat ?: yes
This is the best thing I have ever read!

Personally I think there is some truth to it as his sober actions changed in the last few weeks. Not horribly but the little things changed.

As of yesterday he seems to have got back to the pre pregnancy us. Being all attentive, and doing all the stuff he was.

Yes I agree with other posters. Total shit show. But we both have other kids so we know what the deal is.

Only time will tell. Thanks for everyone's replies x

OP posts:
Sssloou · 17/08/2020 08:41

Wow I thought you were going to say he was 22!

He already has DCs?

What is his drinking like - if it is heavy please don’t burden your existing DCs with having to deal with that in their childhood - it will wreck their MH.

Why did the RS with the DM of his DCs break down?

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