Constant infidelity during pregnancy

[Jaygee9520]

Hi Ladies,

Please bare with me, just need some advice.

I am 25 and my partner is 33, we have been together 2+ years & I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with baby #1.

I found out he cheated on me in the past before I fell pregnant & we broke up for a month and during this time was when I found out I was pregnant. I forgave him and tried to make things work. So we tried to rekindle the relationship when I was about 2/3 months preg.

It’s been very rocky as I have major trust issues and have been reading up on narcissism and highly suspect my partner has some very high traits of this. It’s like he’s obsessed with attention/validation & one woman clearly isn’t enough for him. I have done so much for him during our relationship.

Fast forward to about 7 months in my pregnancy I found out he was sleeping with the SAME girl he cheated on me with before I was pregnant. I spoke to her she said it was just a fling nothing serious and again she had ‘no idea’ about me, she told me she was cutting all ties with him as a baby is involved. I confronted him he admitted it and said he was sorry and it would never happen again. He makes it out to his friends we are in a perfect relationship yet he hasn’t given me a penny towards anything for our unborn daughter. (I work & have a lot of support so she will never go without but that’s not the point). He doesn’t work and always asks ME to borrow him money! He loves to look good to others even if in reality he does the bare minimum!

Everytime I pluck up the courage to leave he always either has some sob story or it’s like he has a manipulative spell over me which makes me always doubt my judgement and not want to leave him even though I know he’s probably cheating on me every opportunity he gets.

I have keys to his flat and I went there the other week and found a used condom in the bin (GROSS) I flipped out at him & he denied it saying he done a clear out and the condom was under his bed and is months old (obviously don’t believe him). I have just noticed a pattern with him, I’ve even recently found out he’s like obsessed with porn & everytime he texts me he fell asleep or something I can’t help but think he’s having sex with someone else! It’s driving me crazy I am so paranoid! especially with these moments being the times I will remember about my first pregnancy.

I consider myself as an attractive young female & constantly get compliments when I’m out EVEN whilst pregnant & have never had issues with confidence & self esteem but this guy has really f*cked with mine!

He is my birthing partner and he’s very emotionally abusive so I don’t want to leave him before my daughter is born and then things get really ugly. I’d rather leave him when she is born because then I’ll feel I will be so infatuated by her that I won’t care about him. I know I don’t want to be with him in the future & I know he will never stop cheating on me. What should I do?

Any advice is appreciated, I’d love to hear some opinions on my situation.

Thanks ladies x

It might have been worth reporting that incident - punching door/wall (?) shouting etc, being threatening to the police or at least women's aid for future reference.

Punching doors, walls, objects is a recognised forerunner to violence against a person. It's also intimidating and threatening on its own.

He's been threatening, intimidating and aggressive around you, a pregnant woman and has harassed you too.

This should be recorded, even if you just note the date, time and what happened in notes on your phone or similar. But ideally record it with womens aid or police, for a trail of "evidence" for future, if necessary.

Glad to read you're away from him. A dear friend has a beautiful thriving toddler out of the same situation - cutting him out was the very best for them both. From her experience can I advise you make sure he's on a block list at the hospital as well. Though covid restrictions probably mean you won't get any visitors make sure he's not able to wheedle or threaten his way in to visit. That's your baby now and no one else's.

Well done OP!

You have claimed your freedom and your future. So glad you have your Mum for support. A supportive Mum is worth twelfty million abusive, cheating, financially exploitative men... as you are about to show your own Dd.

Time to think about it afterwards, but I would say think twice about the birth certificate. Do you want to have to ask his permission for 16 years to take her abroad, register her in a school etc etc?

Yeah I think the best thing to do is to not put him on the birth certificate, I heard he has to actually be with me when I register her in order to be put on it which won’t be happening. Like you all have said he can always apply to be put on it later if he is really bothered!

Thank you everyone again x

If you're not married to the father, then the father has to be at the registration (or you could claim anyone was the father!!). A blessing for situations like yours.

If you put him on the BC you will have to have contact with him for the next 18 years as you will give him parental responsibility, and stuff like getting her a passport will be a nightmare.

Good luck with the birth

FGS keep him well away.

NO to birth certificate.

Do not tell him when you have had the baby until you are ready - don't ruin the first few days by having him hounding you and shouting his rights about time with your baby. She will be the priority then - feeding, sleeping, recovering - do not tell him until you feel ready.

He might disappear anyway.

Do not engage at all about registering the baby, don't discuss names, don't tell him when you register her or have an appointment to do so.

If he won't leave you alone, call the police and report his harrassment.

@Jaygee9520 - well done for standing firm. Wishing you all the best for the arrival of your little girl!

Yes, keep off social media, and make sure your family and friends do, too. You don’t want him harassing you after the birth.

I'm glad you saw him for the serial cheating fool he is. What a waste of space.