Really upset with my Mum (Inheritance)

[Quickncjust4this]

My grandparent passed away a year ago, and my Mum is the executor of the will.
We have always had a difficult relationship, which is why I was particularly close to my grandparents.
In the will, my grandparent left some small monetary amounts to a couple of relatives and some to my sibling, he left his house to my mum, and the will states that all money and possessions should be placed in trust to be divided equally between me and my mother.
My sibling and I are NC as they are not a very nice person , they hasn't visited my grandparent for many many years which is why the will was uneven ( despite my dislike, I would have preferred it all to be even as I think it's less trouble).
In the last year I haven't requested any updates from Mum. I've been grieving anyway, and I am certainly not grabby. But I've had no information at all about the progress of sorting the estate.
I found out from searching online that probate was granted months ago. And I've since found out that my parents have been busy sorting through all the belongings and selling / giving them away. This includes giving my grandparents car to my sibling.
I am pretty upset about the whole thing, as I was much closer to my grandparent than Mum was and beside the fact that half of these things were bequeathed to me, some hold sentimental value. I also feel that the car should have been sold, or at least discussed before it was given away.
I'm worried if I raise my issues, that'll be the end our relationship - which I'm not sure I'm ready for. But then again, how can I sit quiet? I don't want to seem grabby, but I don't even know what my inheritance adds up to so can't do any financial planning either.
How would you tackle this??

I think you should have received something by now, surely? You need to question what's going on or you may find it's all spent.

Get a lawyer. Have your lawyer write a letter to your Mum as executor requesting information about the settling of the estate -- in particular what items were sold or given away. If items had to be sold to pay bills there should be a statement of payment for each bill.

You need to have that awkward discussion. If you were meant to have those things you should have received them. It’s not grabby they wanted you to have them.

She’s stealing from you if she doesn’t give you what you’ve been bequeathed. Tbh this would be the end of the relationship for me. It’s massively disrespectful.

Don’t be surprised if she’s give your brother the money that was due to you

She is not behaving legally. Do not let this happen right under your nose. You can ask what’s happening but they likely will fob you off.

She needs to be accountable. As PP has suggested a legal letter is required asap.

You need to seek legal advice op.

Get a solicitor asap, if the trust hasnt been set up question why

Thanks everyone. that's actually been really helpful in giving me confidence to ask for an update.
I had to really push for the internment of ashes to happen and that got awkward enough. My Mum had the sole burial rights but the ashes were still waiting in April. I had to push and ended up organising it all myself in the end bar the form that was needed to authorise the burial. Obviously I had to pay for it then too. I was happy to do it, but firstly I know she can claim that back from the estate and secondly she was really stroppy about it as if I was being to pushy. I just couldn't bear them waiting any longer

With giving the car to my sibling again I don't really mind, it's just that they seem to have totally ignored the fact that technically half of it is mine. I found out from someone else that it had been given away too

She is stealing from you. Get a lawyer.

It sounds like she considers everything hers to do with as she sees fit.

She's breaking the law. You need a solicitor ASAP who will remind her and request the information she's legally obliged to give you. Ask her to stop selling and distributing the possessions why may actually belong to you. As to worry about her taking offense, its her who should be worried about offending you. I think you may find this does damage the relationship but its her fault it will be damaged not yours for acting illegally and effectively cheating you .

Sorry just read your update on the burial costs. I'm sorry to say this but unless you get legal advice you will not be repaid for this. It sounds like she held out because she knew you would probably do the work/pay the cost for her.
What she's doing is awful. The car is half yours too. There is a point where being "nice" because its family becomes pointless because they are not treating you in the same way. Sorry you have to go through this on top of losing a dear relative.

I was executor and did probate for my mothers will. You have to know how much everything is worth before you do probate and list things then swear that it's all correct and accounted for. There has to be a record of it all so your mother will have known and have a legal record of it.
All of the items sold or given away should have been accounted in that sum. The car should have been recorded at it's official value, so even if it was gifted to your brother the actual value at the time should have been included and that value legally has to be included in the final settlement... which legally has to be exactly as stated in the will. You mother has acted illegally in giving away things that should have been in joint trust.
As some of the items have now been sold or given away, I suspect that half of their value as stated during probate is due to you. That includes the value of the things given away without your agreement. Not really the same as having something of sentimental value, but maybe a little compensation.

I agree with all PPs. Your grandmother wanted you to have things and your mother is going against her wishes.

Agree with pps.
This is theft, and since she is the executor, she has to account for everything she does with the estate.
Get a solicitor.

Op I’ve just been executor of my mums will.

After probate is granted solicitors advise no distributions for 6 months (this is the period within which someone can dispute a will more easily).

So I had to wait 6 months from probate (12 months from her death) to make some distributions but even then not all - around 60%. solicitors retained 40% for various capital gains tax etc. Estate accounts were. It finalised for another 6 months (18 months from her death) at which point I could distribute the remainder.

So it is a long process (or can be). May also be delay in setting up trust but you should know about the trust. MDefinitely ask for an update though - sorry about your granddad and how awful your mum is being.

Please get a solicitor ASAP. Do not do this through your mum.

Echoing what @riv said...

Yes agree ask for update through a solicitor. As a beneficiary you are entitled to an update from the probate solicitor she is using (I assume she is) but you might not know who this is.

Thank you all, I appreciate your advice a lot.

I'm wondering if the solicitor handling the probate would have explained to her what her responsibility is as executor and trustee? I suspect she knows exactly what she is supposed to be doing but I would prefer still I think to consider that she might just not know. My Dad was sole beneficiary of his parents estate and so he would have presumably had a different experience and they might be muddled?

I didnt mind at all covering the cost of the internment. I was so relieved to see it finally happen! But it just leaves a bit of a sour taste that my mum didn't handle it and then made me feel pushy about it

I think I would ask about sentimental items. The more time that passes the more likely they will be given/sold to people who have no connection.

In regard to the money side I would have a chat with mum. I don’t think it is grabby. After all you may want to use the proceeds to buy something special to remember grandparent by. Do you know if a tally is being kept of things sold? I do not know the legal ins and outs but I would have thought that mum has a responsibility to you. To not give away items of value e.g car without giving you some recompense.

Unless you want to go NC I would probably avoid starting off with a solicitor

Get a lawyer and let them sort it out.

And don’t feel guilty - sadly your mum doesnt give two shits about you.

the will states that all money and possessions should be placed in trust to be divided equally between me and my mother

Your mother could be settling the car to your sibling out of her half of the money and possessions. Unless you speak to your mother and ask to see the estate accounts you won’t know will you?

You really need to woman up and ask.

If she gets arsey with you or tells you you're being grabby, please don't be cowed - the grabbiness and grubbiness comes from her doling out the inheritance without giving you your rightful share or even talking to you about it.

If she's uncooperative after that, you'll then need to decide whether this is the hill you want the relationship to die on. Whether you want to wait longer and possibly find you get nothing (which is going to make you resent her) or whether to involve a solicitor (which is going to cause family strife).

Hopefully a conversation will clear it up and she'll give you your share.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to sort this. Your DM has no right to give away possessions that are legally half yours & she may need a solicitor’s letter to stop her carrying on. You need to take action sooner rather than later as it will be more difficult then. She obviously thinks it all belongs to her.
Whether you think it is worth it is up to you.