Really upset with my Mum (Inheritance)

[Quickncjust4this]

My grandparent passed away a year ago, and my Mum is the executor of the will.
We have always had a difficult relationship, which is why I was particularly close to my grandparents.
In the will, my grandparent left some small monetary amounts to a couple of relatives and some to my sibling, he left his house to my mum, and the will states that all money and possessions should be placed in trust to be divided equally between me and my mother.
My sibling and I are NC as they are not a very nice person , they hasn't visited my grandparent for many many years which is why the will was uneven ( despite my dislike, I would have preferred it all to be even as I think it's less trouble).
In the last year I haven't requested any updates from Mum. I've been grieving anyway, and I am certainly not grabby. But I've had no information at all about the progress of sorting the estate.
I found out from searching online that probate was granted months ago. And I've since found out that my parents have been busy sorting through all the belongings and selling / giving them away. This includes giving my grandparents car to my sibling.
I am pretty upset about the whole thing, as I was much closer to my grandparent than Mum was and beside the fact that half of these things were bequeathed to me, some hold sentimental value. I also feel that the car should have been sold, or at least discussed before it was given away.
I'm worried if I raise my issues, that'll be the end our relationship - which I'm not sure I'm ready for. But then again, how can I sit quiet? I don't want to seem grabby, but I don't even know what my inheritance adds up to so can't do any financial planning either.
How would you tackle this??

Firstly you are not being grabby . All you are asking is the will is followed . If property has been sold then the monies must be accounted for and if the car has been given away then the value should be in the trust fund .

Don’t be scared of getting this sorted .

Best of luck

If you look on the bottom of the Grant of Probate it will say who "extracted" it.

That will either be your mother (if she didn't use a lawyer) or the solicitors firm, if she did

You've sat back on your laurels for a year and done absolutely nothing about this. Why so surprised that in the last year they've been dealing with his/her belongings?

She'smadeatwarofmepam because my mother is the executor of the will and the will says that half of the belongings are mine?
She is legally obliged to ensure that they are divided reasonably between her and I

You've sat back on your laurels for a year and done absolutely nothing about this.

Harsh.

The OP was grieving.
The OP was respectful of her DM’s grief.
The OP had to step up to push burying the ashes of her dGF - highly unusual.
Confirmed online probate.
Watched carefully giving her DM some wriggle room.

Done more way more than “sat back on her laurels”.

All in a v exhausting, treacherous emotional time.

Thank you ssslou x

So, I went over yesterday as planned. A number of items have been given away to my sibling already along with the car. Various items have been already sold for less than worth and no sign of things like jewellery etc.
I've booked a phone appointment with a solicitor for tomorrow.
I think the worst thing about the whole visit was despite the amount of stuff that's gone to my sibling that is supposed to be split between my DM and I, when I mentioned that my cousin (Dm's neice and my grandparents granddaughter) could make use of some of the furniture following her divorce, my parents threw their hands up that they couldn't possibly consider it due to them having to follow strict rules as DM is executor. We aren't talking antiques, just old flat pack that would be worthless.
I'm so disgusted at their behaviour I think this has to be the nail in the coffin of our relationship.

Her role as executor is to administer the estate in accordance with the will. If she hasn’t done that she will be personally liable. She should be keeping a account of everything and certainly would have had to provide details of the assets to get probate. Seek legal advice

Definitely contact a solicitor. They sound awful as they’ve essentially gone in and cleaned out all of what they want and given it to your sibling.

Sorry for your loss OP.
Your parents have behaved quite dreadfully and lacking in all respect and honesty towards you.

If they won't treat you with respect then it's probably not a good idea to continue the relationship with them.

Your mum is acting illegally, imorally and unfairly

Horrible situation. Definitely get your own solicitor to stick up for yourself. FYI "assets real and personal" just means real estate - ie land, and personal possessions - ie cash, furniture etc.

Sadly these situations are not uncommon. I've got a weird situation in my family at the moment as I believe my children are entitled to something under the will of a relative but, despite the fact he died last January, there's no grant of probate yet (I've checked the gov website). Don't know what to do about that - and of course our British reserve stops us from just calling the executors and asking them, because it seems so greedy.

Part of me thinks that the executors are deliberately delaying things to force us to ask and I don't want to give them the satisfaction. It's probably only a few hundred pounds but still.... I don't want the executors to keep it if it's my children's right.

Just chipping in to say sorry for your loss, and the situation you are in now. It sounds like you loved and cared for your grandparent deeply. Your mother is being quite unfair and as other posters have said, her actions are technically illegal. It must be horrible for you that this situation is shining a light on your mum's behaviour, to the point of you having to consider giving up on them and going NC. Tbf these situations can reveal people's true nature and in the long run, despite any immediate financial losses, you may end up considerably better off (mentally and spiritually) acknowledging that this is unacceptable and acting accordingly. You don't sound at all 'grabby' if anything that word should be applied to your Mother who seems to be acting dishonestly. However this works out try not to be bitter - the knowledge you now have about those involved is valuable in itself although I understand facing it may be difficult.

So sorry that your mother has taken this route. I’d make a list of all the items that have been given away, get estimates of the value of those goods wherever you can, and then present her with a bill for half that amount. As far as the car is concerned, make sure you get the purchase price, not the selling price!

I'm worried if I raise my issues, that'll be the end our relationship - which I'm not sure I'm ready for

Why are you living in fear of your mother cutting you off, does she make you feel that she could that at any time, without good reason?

You are entitled legally to your share of the will, if she has been stealing from you I think it is not something I could recover from either. It sounds to me like she thinks the will is unfair and is busy doing her best to quietly even things up for your sibling. Despite that not being the wishes of your grandparent. Dreadful.

Thank you all so much for your comments. It really truly does make me feel better.
I've known for many years that they are not nice people and I can't really explain why I'm concerned about falling out. They have no big role in mine or my families life and I have no need for them - emotional or otherwise. I suppose I just hate the thought of falling our with anyone over material things.
I loved my grandparents very much, none of these things will ever replace them.
I suppose the thing I hate most is watching everything be picked over by the people that didn't give two figs when they were alive and needed them.

Friendsoftheearth you are right, she does think it's unfair and that my sibling deserves something.
I don't think my grandparent ever spoke with her about the contents of the will. It was explained to me that they changed it once my sibling and I were in our early thirties. My grandparents were very aware of my mother's over compensation to my sibling, and believed that my parents would keep investing in them. They appreciated the time and effort I went to in ensuring they were well cared for and wanted to recognise that. I naturally objected - I genuinely would have preferred the even split that went in their previous will as I envisaged bad feeling but they did it as they wished which is there right
There really is no great value there (perhaps enough for a nice holiday for me if things were done right , no life changing amounts) but there are sentimental items I would have liked

@Quickncjust4this

Thank you all so much for your comments. It really truly does make me feel better. I've known for many years that they are not nice people and I can't really explain why I'm concerned about falling out. They have no big role in mine or my families life and I have no need for them - emotional or otherwise. I suppose I just hate the thought of falling our with anyone over material things. I loved my grandparents very much, none of these things will ever replace them. I suppose the thing I hate most is watching everything be picked over by the people that didn't give two figs when they were alive and needed them.

Sometimes not nice people do things on purpose to hurt you. I wonder if she resents your closeness to your grandparent and is using this situation to abuse her power deliberately. It's fairly perfect because if you do raise your concerns she can accuse you of being grabby. It's also a great excuse for when they draw up their wills and leave you out. You say several times you don't mind. You don't mind paying or organising or missing out. Have you been taught that it's not worth the hassle of showing you care, because it gets twisted back at you?