Really upset with my Mum (Inheritance)

[Quickncjust4this]

My grandparent passed away a year ago, and my Mum is the executor of the will.
We have always had a difficult relationship, which is why I was particularly close to my grandparents.
In the will, my grandparent left some small monetary amounts to a couple of relatives and some to my sibling, he left his house to my mum, and the will states that all money and possessions should be placed in trust to be divided equally between me and my mother.
My sibling and I are NC as they are not a very nice person , they hasn't visited my grandparent for many many years which is why the will was uneven ( despite my dislike, I would have preferred it all to be even as I think it's less trouble).
In the last year I haven't requested any updates from Mum. I've been grieving anyway, and I am certainly not grabby. But I've had no information at all about the progress of sorting the estate.
I found out from searching online that probate was granted months ago. And I've since found out that my parents have been busy sorting through all the belongings and selling / giving them away. This includes giving my grandparents car to my sibling.
I am pretty upset about the whole thing, as I was much closer to my grandparent than Mum was and beside the fact that half of these things were bequeathed to me, some hold sentimental value. I also feel that the car should have been sold, or at least discussed before it was given away.
I'm worried if I raise my issues, that'll be the end our relationship - which I'm not sure I'm ready for. But then again, how can I sit quiet? I don't want to seem grabby, but I don't even know what my inheritance adds up to so can't do any financial planning either.
How would you tackle this??

We've actually never discussed the contents of the will. The day my grandparent died I was there when it happened as I had stayed there for days. My parents arrived about half hour after. I went home from the hospital but my parents stopped at my grandparents and took the copy of the will. I already had one at home as I think my grandparents saw this coming.
I don't think they know that I know the contents, even though it's now a public document.
Taking all your advice I messaged just now and offered to help sort things. Initially they said they didn't need help so I made sure they know I have seen the will. I played dumb a bit but said I don't really understand how it works to split up the belongings 50/50 as it's obviously not as excited as splitting to money but that I can help with things and help clean things up for sale etc.
My mum said they put some photos and things aside that I might want and I can meet them there Monday to have a look.
So I will discuss it with them properly then, and I won't feel bad about it if I have to be firm!!
If it doesn't go well then I'll get a solicitor on the case quickly. I have children of my own now and I think these things might be valuable to them in the future too.

She thinks being an executor means she can do as she likes. Get a solicitor onto it

anything she gives away without your agreement is docked from her share surely?

Good update op.

When speaking to them you could ask who the probate solicitor is (I doubt she will be setting up the trust and dealing with the estate accounts and taxes herself ?). That solicitor will have the will. If she is not using one you should deffo see a solicitor yourself asap.

To make this request re her solicitor easier you can say they’ll need your contact details and NI number and when the time comes your bank details etc so you want to make sure they have all of this.

Good luck.

Have you downloaded the probate record? Is it possible that it may have been probated without the will being acknowledged?

I've got the probate record from the government site, it matches up to the copy I have so I'm sure about what my inheritance is.

I will definately ask who the probate solicitor is. Is it usual that an executor / trustee will use a solicitor for this bit rather than trying to do it themselves?

I recall my dad only using the solicitor for the probate application when his mum passed. After that he dealt with things alone but he was sole beneficiary.

We have always had a difficult relationship

I would say, prepare for it to get more difficult if you are going to try to get what is your entitlement.

As someone said you may have to "woman up" and say (honestly) that you are concerned to your DM that she is giving away half what your GP wanted you to have e.g. the car. It is a shame that your GP wasn't more specific about "possessions". However, surely it is wrong that you are named in the Will e.g. re money, but have heard nothing more about it.

I still think I would get legal advice before speaking to your mother if its possible, though it may not be in time.

Be prepared, people can get funny and greedy about Wills. But if your "DM" is a lying thief, you will find out, and you won't have to put yourself out for her anytime now or in the future.

It depends op - I used one because there were shares and a property and siblings who I know would have been slightly difficult if there were hiccups/delay etc. We all agreed it was best and fairest.
frankly I just didn’t have the energy or head space after my ma died.

As it was I still did loads - finding paperwork setting out bank dealings Valuations, clearing then selling the house making sure siblings were Involved with everything. Instructing solicitor re distributions etc.

Constant lists of contents and who wanted what, what needed to be sold or given away etc etc. Took over my life for a bit. Was glad solicitor was dealing with probate and hmrc etc.

Sorry rant over !

Get a solicitor.
Talking to your mum won't help.

I really fear there is not going to be anything left.

The solicitors should have been in touch with you to tell you you are a beneficiary, and you can then ask them what's going on.

A year is long enough to wait - should be around 9 months.

Stealing from an estate, as evidently your DM has done, is a crime. Some people really do end up in prison for it, so she's being an idiot.

For her sake, call the solicitors, check the will they have is the same one you do (that's a favourite trick) and explain the situation. If you don't want to shaft DM, use no adjectives.

This is shitty and I think the same is happening to me and my children. I’ve never seen the will. Would the solicitor contact us? It’s so hurtful I’m going to try and get half hour feee with a solicitor and find out. Please make sure your sort it out properly, good luck

@Quickncjust4this

I've got the probate record from the government site, it matches up to the copy I have so I'm sure about what my inheritance is.

I will definately ask who the probate solicitor is. Is it usual that an executor / trustee will use a solicitor for this bit rather than trying to do it themselves?

I recall my dad only using the solicitor for the probate application when his mum passed. After that he dealt with things alone but he was sole beneficiary.

You don't have to use a solicitor for probate. It's easier, but it is entirely possible for an executor to do it themselves, depending on the size of the estate.

You need to act quickly.

Depends how long ago it was - executors are meant to contact beneficiaries, but if they're up to no good, the executor can easily trouser the lot.

Will fraud is effectively decriminalised because it's up to the executors to make sure people know what's in the will, and if they reckon no one knows what it says, they simply announce the deceased left them everything.

But....you can, however, get a copy of the will from the probate registry - they're supposed to be public documents.

Oh Pastel I'm sorry I to hear that. You can really easily get a copy of the will once probate is issued as it becomes a public document. It costs £1.50 and takes about a week for them to upload the will so you can download a copy:

www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

The will that I took from here matches exactly to the copy my grandparents gave to me so I can't imagine their solicitors are working to a different copy?

I haven't heard anything from a solicitor yet though. Presumably that means my Mum hasn't engaged one to handle the trust?

I'm certain they used one to apply for probate as my mum tried to Palm off the blame to them for delaying the burial ( when I spoke with the council it was not the case at all). That was the same solicitor my grandparents used to draw up the will, I know who it was. If I call them to ask would they tell my parents I've been in touch?

Why is money and house going into a trust, are you under eighteen? Or was the will written when you were under eighteen (in which case the trust can be dissolved).

I don't know if it's normal to use a solicitor, my family doesn't and I wouldn't. But if it's complex I suppose one night prefer to.

You, however, do need a solicitor now, to push your mother into the right direction.

Going by my own experience when DF died, I think the trust part is the legalese used in the will, and doesn't mean an actual trust is to be set up - does the will specify trustees, or just executors?

I remember being advised to allow at least 6 months just like @HeronLanyon said.
Your mum may not realise the seriousness of her responsibility as executor, or the consequences of not following the exact terms of the will. There’s no legal requirement for her to use a solicitor unless the will stipulates it. If she hasn’t consulted one, she may have only heard about it at the probate office, where there’s a lot of serious things to deal with.

AIUI the estate is "held in trust" until such time as distribution is complete. (This phrasing in DF's will confused us till the solicitor explained.)

Your mother is stealing from you. She is pretending it's all hers.

Get a solicitor involved.

I was an adult when the will was written. I think the trust is a a legal thing and not like a trust fund from my googling, but the will names my mum as trustee and executor.
The house itself goes straight to my mum and then there are 3 monetary gifts - all of those are free of taxes.

It then states that the remaining property (both real and personal?) Is to be placed in trust, with equal parts going to my mum and I after taxes. The whole estate is below the tax threshold.

I think the trust part is the legalese used in the will, and doesn't mean an actual trust is to be set up

No it's not, my will only creates trusts for those under 18 and says they can inherit directly when they reach 18.

Your parents got the will from your grandparents house so may not have even told the solicitor.
My Mums will was really straightforward and I had a copy and one was in the solicitors vault. I just collected that and from that point on, apart from the probate office visit, I was not actually required to see or consult anyone at any point (I did just because I didn’t have the headspace) I had to keep accounts and so on, but no one has ever asked to see them and I don’t anticipate any one will, but they’re all here in case- as I was legally required to do. No-one actually monitors the sole executor, unless other potential beneficiaries challenge the will.
You are doing the right thing OP. Letting your mum know that you know about your inheritance and that you know what your grandparents owned will hopefully make her do what she aught to have done from the start. If she doesn’t then you can get heavier until she gets the message. Going in heavy to start with leaves you both with limited options for resolving things with reasonable amicability.

It sounds like your mum and you are residuary beneficiaries. The trust is temporary, just to collect the money left over after the house and bequests while things are sorted out. The wording is just standard will writing. At distribution you and your mother should each receive half of that left over money, as it were.

If the house is going directly to your mum and the whole estate is under the tax threshold £325k or £500k if there's a main house, plus 3 equal shares of money - surely there isn't much of value left to split between you and your mum?
Are you to receive one third of the money?
You really need to confirm a time with your parents this week to go through all the details face to face.