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Original poster

Boyfriend and friend flirting

61 replies

AlyssaE · 10/08/2020 09:27

Hi there

Little bit of a long story but hopefully someone can help. Basically my friend, who is one of my very best friends, has been very flirty with my boyfriend and I’m not sure if I can move on from it this time.

At Christmas me and my boyfriend were not getting along and they got very close at that time. They were always messaging eachother a million hearts (which I’m going to admit I checked out of concern) and when they were drunk he let her suck drugs off his fingers(?!) and they were always very touchy feely including her jumping up and wrapping her leg around him. Anyway I spoke to him and he agreed it had gotten too far and that he would not do those things anymore. During corona we had a natural break from seeing her and only just started seeing her again. We met up with him on Friday and he was at a bachelor party and was very drunk when we got there. This resulted in him lying his head on her lap, them holding hands, her kissing him very close to his mouth and repeatedly stroking him when he was sat with her. I feel pretty betrayed. I told him to stop many times during the night but he was too drunk to care. When I was away at Christmas they hung out alone until 5am in our apartment and he always claimed
Nothing happened..now I don’t know. What the hell do I do? It’s so complicated and I feel massively sad and disrespected...again.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 10/08/2020 09:32

Dump him and let him go to her with your blessing, no matter how heartbroken you feel inside. Plenty of other men out there who will show you the respect you deserve and feel lucky to have you as their girlfriend.

DemiL · 10/08/2020 09:35

Get rid of both of these people from your life.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 10/08/2020 09:38

Good God woman get some self respect. They are doing it in front of you. There's no doubt as to it being disrespectful.

Walk away from both of them.

Pjsallday · 10/08/2020 09:41

Hes sounds a right catch taking drugs and getting drunk. I'd say your friend is the least of your worries. Bin them both off. Disrespectful buggers the pair of them

Cheetahfajita · 10/08/2020 09:42

She's not a mate and he's a cunt.

Dump them and don't look back.

VettiyaIruken · 10/08/2020 09:43

Neither of them have any respect for you.
You would be wise to dump them both. They are making a fool of you in front of everyone. If they are that brazen in public god knows what they get up to in private.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 10/08/2020 09:44

Dump them both, you don't deserve to be treated like this
If she was a friend she would respect you and not behave like that.
If he truly cared about you he wouldn't do this to you, especially in front of you.
There's a difference between a jokey flirt and this, this is disrespectful to your relationship with both of them and to you as a person.

VettiyaIruken · 10/08/2020 09:45

I mean, you were there and she was there and he chose to have this rather intimate interaction with her not you, and with you watching.

It couldn't be more clear if there was a flashing neon sign above them.

Itisbetter · 10/08/2020 09:47

This isn’t a person who makes life better, this is the person who drags you back. There is no happy future with either of them. Push hard for your happy life, it’s there somewhere new.

RuffleCrow · 10/08/2020 09:55

I think you need to ditch them both and raise your standards.

Labels like 'friend' and 'boyfriend' really describe a set of behaviours and attitudes we can expect and reciprocate. Basic respect and trustworthiness towards you would be the bare minimum. Neither of these people is fulfilling the basic expectations on their side of the relationship.

Plenty of women (and men) would have cut these people loose the moment in started. But you didn't. I'm going to have to ask the old MN chestnut: what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

updownroundandround · 10/08/2020 12:37

You are being openly ignored and disregarded by both your BF and your 'friend'.

Neither of them care that you are being hurt, and are blatantly doing it in front of you ffs !

You need to get angry, not hurt. You do not deserve to be treated like this by either of them !
You have to tell them BOTH that they can fuck off down the road, then fuck off some more !

YOU deserve better, believe it.

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2020 13:35

They're both revolting.

Dump them both and find classier people to gang out with

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2020 13:35

*hang

Tooshytoshine · 10/08/2020 14:53

Bin them off. Pair of cucking funts...

You deserve better. We all deserve better.

AreYouSiriusLupin · 10/08/2020 14:58

Get rid of them both.

The level if disrespect they have shown you is staggering.

spiritedawai · 10/08/2020 15:01

How are you still with this guy after all of that?!

DBML · 10/08/2020 16:26

Ugh! They both sound gross. Go and find yourself some classy friends and a decent boyfriend.

MsDogLady · 10/08/2020 16:51

Sucking fingers, wrapping legs, head in lap, holding hands, kissing close to lips, stroking??? That is way beyond flirting. That is intimate touching. They are publicly making a mockery of you, OP. And you must know that more happened when she spent the night with him.

It’s not ‘complicated.’ You don’t have to tolerate one more second of their blatant disrespect. Bin this faithless pair.

By the way, is this the same BF who previously cheated on his wife with her best friend? If so, he received nude photos and exchanged messages with a former gf while you were together. You later discovered a second fully charged phone with other nude photos of her, which he ‘banned’ you from speaking of.

Walk away and raise your bar. You deserve a good man who loves and respects you. I would suggest that you seek counseling to strengthen your self-esteem and boundaries.

SummerWhisper · 13/08/2020 09:50

I had an old 'friend' who did similar (just the once because she lived 200 miles away and it was the first time they met, at a party). She kissed him on the lips and stroked his chest whilst I was standing right next to him. I was aghast at both of them. I stupidly excused her because she was drunk and I ended up binning him. I kept the friendship until she asked me one night why I was so jealous of her. I was gobsmacked and realised it was her with the problem.

This friend of yours is a false friend now, hanging out with you just to be with your boyfriend. It would not surprise me if they have already discussed his exit strategy and for how long they will have to keep their relationship under wraps. Why on earth was she tagging along to go and meet him? Whose idea was that??

Let them walk off together into their cheating, lying sunset. It'll soon turn to shit when one of them starts to wander.

billy1966 · 13/08/2020 11:03

Dump both and focus on yourself.

Neither of them respect or care about you.

Get rid of them.

You are wasting your time.
Flowers

mamaoffourdc · 13/08/2020 11:29

Have you spoken to her??

GazingAndGrazing · 13/08/2020 11:34

Eww, raise your standards women. Ghost the pair of them.

wildcherries · 13/08/2020 11:37

This resulted in him lying his head on her lap, them holding hands, her kissing him very close to his mouth and repeatedly stroking him when he was sat with her.

A world of no. This wouldn't be acceptable to me. They're being incredibly blatant. Your OP is a big red flag.

Let them get on with it and you find a boyfriend and friend that respects you. Don't allow them to make a fool of you.

takingtoolong · 13/08/2020 11:39

Oh please get rid of them both. Sad I'm in a not too dissimilar position and it's tearing me apart too. I know I'm projecting here but it's the feeling that they are making complete fools out of us and we just don't matter that really hurts. Like they're the flirty hot couple and we're the outsiders. All the best of luck getting rid, I'll be thinking of you. Flowers xx

bumbleb33s · 13/08/2020 12:23

Basically my friend, who is one of my very best friends

Friend??? Friends do not behave like this and neither do boyfriend's, I would get rid of them both out of your life, these are the two people you trust and they have betrayed you and they are doing it right under your nose too, have some respect for yourself and walk away from both of them