Regret

[SissyLongStockings]

I am currently divorcing my husband and I'm beginning to regret it.
We have a 3 yr old together.
We split up Feb this year. He met someone afew months later after asking me to make it work again and I said no.
I don't know if this is the realisation of what's happening or what.
Please offer some advice

Why did you want to divorce in the first place?

There was a reason, or many, as to why you separated. What happened? Do you really think these issues have been resolved?

We were working constantly never went out for special occasions. He never showed me any affection unless he wanted sex. I put up with a marriage where I was mum, wife,dog walker, cleaner. I had no friends. So one day I just had enough. Told him I didn't love him anymore.

I had just reached breaking point and thought a marriage shouldnt be this hard. He never put the thought in to anything. No birthday or Xmas card. Mother's Day was never celebrated. I just wanted the norm.

What on earth are you regretting?

Now he's with this other woman he's different. He's putting the effort in.

I see my lo and how he misses his dad. I regret not being a family unit. I broke my family up and my lo will have to live with the consequences of my actions. I should have worked on it. I told him enough times but he would never listen. Why didn't he just listen to me?

Why didn't he just listen to me?

Because he didn't want to.

He can still be a great dad to your child. If he wants to.

How do you know he’s different now?

Or that it will last?

And even if he’s suddenly had a complete personality transplant why do you think he’d be different with you, when he clearly was bad enough to drive you to divorce in the first place?

Your child will cope and be fine. Once you’re into your own new routine and start enjoy your life your dc will also be happy and settle down.

You’re missing the husband and family that could have been. Not the one you left.

He sees lo once a month starts in a couple of weeks time because he moved away.

@frazzledasarock I've always missed the family that could have been but I just kept trying to make it better. But it always got worse.

But what if we can make it better this time?

You are grieving for the relationship you never had. Don't kid yourself that he didn't know exactly why you were unhappy. He did. He just chose not to do anything to fix it.

It wouldn't surprise me that he is deliberately behaving differently just to spite you and make you feel like shit.

It's frustrating when someone won't or can't love us in the way we want to be loved. At some point we have to realise that the relationship will not deliver what we want- anymore on. It's hard, it's sad - but none of us can survive on hope and fantasy.

He said to me he's learnt his lesson. That he understands that I need those sort of things like affection meals out etc. That they are important to me. He said that he is different with this new woman because he knows he should put the effort in

And what about my lo? Doesn't he deserve a family unit. It is having an affect on him.

Didn’t you just post about this? About your ex getting a new gf and you suddenly want him back? You ditched him because he was lazy?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3989886-to-not-understand-why-ex-can-t-leave-his-gf-for-me-and-the-children