I've created a lose-lose situation

[groundrightdown]

For far too long I've hoped my DH would get me a specific present for my birthday or Christmas but, as he never did, I decided I would tell him, well, he's not a mind reader.

So after Christmas came and went I told him that there is a specific thing I would really like him to get for me. And he said the would have never thought to get me that.

Fast forward a few months, he asked me what I want for my birthday... He asked again and I reminded him, "I told you at Christmas time what I want". He wasn't very happy.

My birthday is next week. I'm 99% sure he has not got me anything yet. But now I feel like I've created a lose-lose situation. Either he does give me the present I've asked for, which he's doing under duress, or he doesn't, even though he knows it's what I want. So he'd be making a strong statement and steadfastly refusing.

I'm not sure what to do, or what I even possibly could do. Maybe I shouldn't have told him what I wanted but it's too late to do anything about that now. Anyway, it's out there now, it's up to him what he does with the information. He'll either get me the item I want, and I will appreciate that he considers my feelings or he gets me something else. And he'll probably expect me to act happy about it.

He could of course get me nothing but I don't think so. It's fine if he doesn't, better than getting me something I'm supposed to pretend to like. The thing I want is absolutely not expensive btw. That's not an issue. What would you do if you found yourself in this ridiculous corner?

What, costing only twenty quid, could possibly matter enough for this dramatic tale of woe?

Oh, for the love of Christ, I want to bang your bleedin’ heads together.

Get divorced, it will be less hassle.

just buy it yourself!!

Please tell us what it is

Is it a slushy maker?....Mr frosty at the £20 end, fancy professional one at the high end...? ☃️(Yes parents that's a dig at you for my massive childhood disappointment of Christmas 1989)

Just ask for the cash & buy it yourself. Mountain & molehill spring to mind

My SIL does this exact thing. She gets in a complete state about something that hasn't actually happened yet and almost certainly won't happen.

Now everyone's wanting to outdo previous posters with how exhausted they are by all this drama. Give over!

As soon as OP names the item it'll be all 'I don't like those' 'X item is better' and so on.

Do what a pp said and ask if he's already got it as you've seen a good one (he won't have). Then get it and come your birthday say 'I got this as my extra present from you'. Next time he asks what you want as a present tell him he doesn't get what you ask him for so he can decide himself..

I think this is a symbol of his general thoughtlessness and lack of effort, hence being utterly fed up with it. Am I right @groundrightdown?

This is such a non issue that clearly it is symptomatic of much larger issues eg he belittles you and is a selfish taker (eg £350 present for him but won't get you what you want).
Your username says what's really going on. Give yourself a bigger birthday present by making plans to leave.

If it only costs £60 max, why not buy your own? It seems odd that you’ve wished for it for years but not just bought one! You’d save yourself the disappointment then!

So what did you get @groundrightdown?

Is it because what you want isn't expensive enough to match what you spent on him? It's something you could easily buy yourself, too ordinary to count as a present? Or something you know he disapproves of.

It sounds as if it's turned into a battle of wills. It's not about the item but you making him do something he doesn't want to do and vv. Not the right atmosphere for gift-giving at all.

There's obviously a back-story to this, but only you know what it is.

My birthday is at xmas, and for the last 5 yrs of my now defunct marriage, I didn’t receive a present for either from the ExH. His reason :
Well, do don’t go without much!
He would manage to spend my birthday money on his mother’s present and his xmas party tho!

Got shot of him and the old witch Mil and buy myself whatever I want, Mulberry or not!