Strange note ex husband has written about having no identity...freaking me out!

[Fightingback16]

I’ve been over to the family home just now that husband currently occupies to collect my post. (He is currently at work).
For those that remember my username I fled the house last year due to domestic abuse and my breakdown. I’ve subsequently discovered that I had been living with a narcissist/sociopath.

Anyway I found this note he left on the table...
It’s says something along the lines of..
I’m depressed and unhealthy
I have no direction
I can’t see my child
I am empty inside
I am nothing
I have no identity
Who am I

This sends shivers down my spine because that is what he did to me. He took my identity away and tried to reverse us so he had mine and I had nothing, nothing like he actually has.

It’s freaking me out at how I was living!

Did he know you would be going into the house?

He’s knows I go in now and again to check for my post but only when he is in work a hundred miles away.

The note was staged. You have probably mentioned the same feelings about yourself to him and he is playing games with you. To be honest, if he has a personality disorder and you have just recognised this fact about him, you should consider whether it is healthy for you to invest any time in trying to understand the note. He is messing with you and he will never change and so I wouldn't waste time on trying to understand him.

He is getting odd, or I'm just noticing it more.
There are books in the house on surviving off of urine and how to harness the unconscious!

You can only control your life, you need to let him worry about his.

And you're hooked again. Let it go, move on, break the habit.

He's playing you, and it working. He's got the reaction he wanted- your concern.

Set up mail redirect and regard it as £60 a year well spent to avoid having to interact with any of his staged mind games.

You could leave an anon request for a welfare check if you wanted.
It would mean you arent getting in there or sucked in yourself, but that you’re also not worrying

Why are you still getting post delivered there?

My knobhead narc EXH did something very similar 5 years ago.

It was definitely there to be found.

Narcs need attention; they need to be thought of.

Don't give him the honour.

Well done for leaving!

Hmm he may well be messing with you. But I also think some of them are capable of knowing there's something very off about themselves and at times look for answers. I found books when I was in same position as you about mental health conditions and stuff. I remember being quite shaken too. But then he also started seeing someone with mental health issues so who knows, maybe he was studying her!

Best not to give it any consideration. Mcuh healthier not to be thinking about his screwed up thinking!

Get your post redirected stop going there.

I have the majority of my stuff sent to my address now but the odd thing gets missed. Im not concerned for him but concerned at what I've been through. Ive not been very well since leaving, suffering badly from PTSD and now I'm starting to feel like myself again I want to know what happened to me. I had a breakdown and suffered from disassociation amnesia and struggle with my memories. Its taken me a year to be able to let sink in what I left.

I don't go on my own and it is my mums family home and I like to check on it now and again. I go once a month. I have a court case in Sept to sort out getting him out.

I can relate to that need to solve the puzzle and make sense of things. You will. The court case will make it hard so I hope you resolve it swiftly. Glad you have family support. Take all support you can including counselling.

Sounds like you are doing so well on your road to recovery and brilliant that court will get him out of your family home soon. It takes a long long time not to want to understand them but remember a narcissist has no real self and will do whatever they think will cause a reaction in someone else such as staging a note like that. Once he's gone from the house you need never see that crap again.

So the note could be staged or he could be having an internal crisis. Either way not a nice husband!

Honestly, do NOTHING.

He's playing around with different victim narratives.

My x was like this. In the 14 years I've been away from him I've had as little contact as possible because he did that to me, eroded my sense of self completely. I ended up with a stutter, wondering ''how would I react to x,y or z?''. Like I didn't know what my authentic response to any given different thing would be. I was a slate wiped clean.

And yet he was the victim.

I think your x is trying on your identity for size. I would remind yourself not to feel any empathy. You don't have to feel empathy for him. He's clearly damaged but it's not your job to pity him or fix him or even wonder what he's going through.

Just detach, detach, detach.

I got caught out about 18 months ago. After 14 years I've obviously grown, healed, forgiven, flourished, benefited from new mindsets. And I had ''projected'' this same personal development on to him. I assumed that he MUST have had some personal growth. But no, he wrote me a letter bitching about my twisted ways only fairly recently. I have had nothing to do with him for over a decade and he's still utterly convinced that he is the victim of my twisted ways.

I would just be very cautious if I were you.

If you feel yourself feeling any responsibility whatsoever for his lack of identity, why? why is that your responsibility? Why is it your problem? Are you trying to fix him? Heal him!? Don't! Stop. Leave him alone to be a damaged fuckwit.

Not your problem. Stop going there.

Why does he live in your mums house?
What is he talking about re a child?

I feel no responsibility for his lack of identity and do not want to fix him, he tried to kill me metaphorically (maybe he could have physically).

I feel in a way without me and the relationship and because of lockdown and having to be on his own he probably realises he is empty.

I want an idea of him because we share a daughter which I stopped contact in December, I want to know what I'm dealing with incase he lodges a court application. This man is messed up Im sure.

He lives there because I fled and lost grip of my mind and was scared. We bought the house from my parents.

Lol so he knows what he is. Big deal. A lion knowing its alion doesnt change it into a gazelle.

I agred it may have been left there for you to see in order to get you to think of him. Or perhaps as a scare tactic.

Be careful.

Is he talking about himself in the note or writing as if he was you?