Strange note ex husband has written about having no identity...freaking me out!

[Fightingback16]

I’ve been over to the family home just now that husband currently occupies to collect my post. (He is currently at work).
For those that remember my username I fled the house last year due to domestic abuse and my breakdown. I’ve subsequently discovered that I had been living with a narcissist/sociopath.

Anyway I found this note he left on the table...
It’s says something along the lines of..
I’m depressed and unhealthy
I have no direction
I can’t see my child
I am empty inside
I am nothing
I have no identity
Who am I

This sends shivers down my spine because that is what he did to me. He took my identity away and tried to reverse us so he had mine and I had nothing, nothing like he actually has.

It’s freaking me out at how I was living!

Sounds totally staged. Don't give it any thought. It's what he wants.

Only god knows but I think himself because he talks about not seeing his child.

Underneath it says something like:
Im not my mind
Im not my emotions
Im not my Identity
Im not my body

he has self harmed in the past before me and was an addict. I don't think he is well.

He doesn't have contact with out daughter thank god.

He does not know about my breakdown or anything as I had no contact.

Lol 'I dont think he is well' ...um well he is a sociopath right? What would "well" look like for a sociopath?

Narcissists and the like, dont have a sense of self. They take their identity from bits and pieces of other people. Basically,they see things they like in others and... try them on.

But they are empty. This one knows it. Or...wants you to think they do for some reason...maybe he plans to tell you he is getting therapy for it. So that you'll be conned into letting him see the kid or something.

I'd just write underneath it "An abusive cunt is who you are."

Its just manipulation OP, trying to make you concerned so that you try to help him and he can get you back under his control. Ignore it completely. Give it absolutely no reaction.

Please leave that note exactly where and how you found it.
Unseen, unnoticed.

Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you read it!

But the note makes me want to keep away and keep my daughter away!
Why would you leave something so messed up?
Unless he doesn't realise I am different now, I have separated myself from him. There was a time that would have worked, well for 12 years it worked but he never said that shit before.

If there is any hint in there that you could use the note to indicate he’s not well / sane enough to look after your dd alone, I’d keep it as evidence.

I should have taken a picture!

You have a court case coming up though. Could it be to make you feel like he thinks he has nothing to lose and scare you into not fighting for the house?

If there is any hint in there that you could use the note to indicate he’s not well / sane enough to look after your dd alone, I’d keep it as evidence

Agree with this. The only way that pile of drivel is of any interest to you is if you can use it to keep him away from your child before he messes them up too.

Please don’t get hoovered into his drama again, not your circus, not your monkeys. Just file it away (or a photo of it if you got one) under E for evidence and forget about it until you need it. You don’t need to figure him out or understand what makes him tick, as it isn’t really human in the way we understand it.

Oh darn it, no photo. Well I’m sure it won’t be the only bit of self indulgent crap he’ll try, so next time take a photo. Until then, just forget it.

I can go back, he wont be back till Monday!

I'm glad you don't go there on your own - I think this is vital.

I don't think you should live in that house, OP. I'd get it up for sale. You will always associate it with him and he will always know where you are.

It sounds like an horrific experience and I'm so glad you got out.

Is there any way he could be recording you when you go into the house?

I was also coming on to say keep it, or take a photo.
My ex used to leave the most bizarre letters and poems on my pillow and in my dd’s room.
I kept them all and hid them as it was all evidence of how messed up he was and also admissions of what he did to me.
He clearly didn’t bank on that and 2 years later when he was threatening me with all sorts, I said crack on as I still have your notes, he went white and never mentioned court cases again.

I could be recorded but I’m not doing anything unusual. Just looking for if I have post. It makes me sad to go because the house is left to go derelict, there is no life in it ,all the plants are dead and weeds overgrown. Very sad!

I’d definitely go back.

It sounds like your home has lost it’s soul. Are you hoping to go back when he’s gone or will you need to sell it?

Oh and when you go, take photos of anything untoward in the house. The dead plants, garden, any mess, anything you can use against this piece of shit.

Is he contributing financially? Get copies of paperwork etc at the same time if you need to. Can you go with a male family member in case he returns?

I’m really hoping to go back. It has memories for me, not all of them are of him, lots are nice. We shall see but I know he will drag the court case out.

I would go back and take photos of the notes for evidence in case he tries to gain access to your DD. I would also take photos of the strange books you saw.

I will. I’m so glad I listened to everyone’s advice and went no contact with him in December. He would have continued all this shit.

You’ve done so well. Stay strong. 😊