Strange note ex husband has written about having no identity...freaking me out!

[Fightingback16]

I’ve been over to the family home just now that husband currently occupies to collect my post. (He is currently at work).
For those that remember my username I fled the house last year due to domestic abuse and my breakdown. I’ve subsequently discovered that I had been living with a narcissist/sociopath.

Anyway I found this note he left on the table...
It’s says something along the lines of..
I’m depressed and unhealthy
I have no direction
I can’t see my child
I am empty inside
I am nothing
I have no identity
Who am I

This sends shivers down my spine because that is what he did to me. He took my identity away and tried to reverse us so he had mine and I had nothing, nothing like he actually has.

It’s freaking me out at how I was living!

The note is really rather traumatic for me. He always told me I was nothing but a parasite, I had no dreams, I was like a dead log he called me. He turned his own self onto me, I had all his deep issues for those 10 years. Awful memories.

I have done well. I got myself out of a trap but only my cutting my own arm off. I am quite injured, but I’m away from it now.

Don't get sucked back in OP.

No chance of me going back to him or getting involved. I just needed to get out of the fog and I’ve been out a year now so I can see him very clearly. I need to keep myself and my daughter as far away as possible.

So I went back today and the note was still there so I took a picture. As well as the note there were 3 A4 pages of writing about chakras, shit about not acting out sexual desires, non-identity, just nonsense babble....he’s weird!

You have had a dreadful time. You got away. You did brilliantly. Be v careful now not to get obsessed and triggered by his actions. It’s normal to be hyper vigilant when enduring cPTSD but it’s also important to build behaviours to look outwards and forwards to a positive future with radiant people for you and your DD. You need to proactively cut out the intrusive thoughts and preoccupation with him and actively fill your life with better stuff.

Don’t try to understand him. Any healing needs to be about your recovery and understanding yourself. Are you keeping a journal of your progress on self care, self compassion and building the bond with your DD.

The only thing you need to be concerned about in extricating yourself from a “trauma bond”. Focus on yourself. Don’t look back. Be here now for your DD - make little plans and take little steps each morning / afternoon.

I was going to say take a picture of the note so I'm glad you've done that. I would suggest getting someone else to get your post and keep an eye on the place as if you can avoid going there it's for the best.

Why are people suggesting taking a photo of the note? That seems like a really bad idea for your own wellbeing OP. And serves no purpose for any interaction with you exH. It's a "I got you, you son of a b**ch" game.

(from Eric Berne, "games people play,". Transactional analysis). I found TA very helpful to recover from a similar trauma of realisation with the relationship with a parent.

I’m doing ok. I’m trying to look at how bad it was to de-sensitise myself to what I went through. I was living with a psychopath!
I also have many court cases coming up so I just can’t seem to get away from it all. I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m finding a different aspect of my identity coming through. One that wants to fight him and get my money back and my house. The scared nice appeasing person is not taking over me anymore. I feel a little like an imposter but I’ll role with it because I never want to become that person again. I never realised just how weird he was till now!

@Griefmonster I’m taking the pictures incase he decides to go for contact with our dd and I want them to see how unhinged he is.

I understand that feels like good evidence to you right now but you are doing the dance he invited you to. It is his actions that are driving your behaviour and you are responding to a narrative he has literally laid out for you.

You are not free of his influence yet. I am so sorry for your experience x

The only safe response is no response at all with a narc. It is the hardest thing you will ever do. But you can and must do it. Do not visit the house again until/unless it is yours.

I haven’t responded to anything. I went as it’s my house and I have things I need sometimes, I needed some documents for my Form E. It was my mums birth home so I have a responsibility to check on it even if the bastard won’t move out of it and he is trashing it. It does wind me up most definitely that I spent years renovating it and he has trashed it in a year.

As PPs said- was the note somewhere he knew you would look at? He might've written it to get some emotional response from you (typical narc) such as you being unnerved or feeling sorry for him. A lot of what they do is to manipulate people.

This sends shivers down my spine because that is what he did to me. He took my identity away and tried to reverse us so he had mine and I had nothing, nothing like he actually has. It’s freaking me out at how I was living!

I bet he wrote this to mess you up, he left it just in case you were to come in while he was at work.

I looked at it and said rather loudly what a fucking fruit loop, so he may have heard that

OP you ARE responding. This is you responding. He has created this entire scenario.

Oh yes I see what you mean now.

Do you have evidence that he is damaging the marital property? I really hope you can use that against him financially!

You know he is a psychopath don't let yourself get drawn into reading his ramblings. You can ask for him to have a psych evaluation if he fights for contact with DD.

KOKO

@RandomMess I have before I moved out pics and afterwards. Kicked in £800 New fridge freezer, smashed light switches, shit everywhere, dead garden, brown furry bathroom that bloody stinks.....I could go on! That’s why I go over, even though it hurts me and I know he is letting it go to shit on purpose.

Means you can buy him out for less £££ as he's devalued it