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Original poster

Husband sent drunken text

103 replies

MummyEB · 26/07/2020 18:29

Hi all, looking for some advice please. I’ve been with my partner 15 years, last Thursday my friend messaged me with her Facebook login details and asked me to check her messages. Two weeks ago she received drunken messages from my partner pretending to be me ( can I point out I wasn’t even at home) to try and get her round our House presuming he was going to have sex with her! She didn’t reply until the next day and told him it was weird and he needed to tell me what was going on. This weekend he’s messaged her again whilst stupidly drunk telling her how much he fancies her. She again warned him if he didn’t tell me she would, and she did. He messaged her back sober begging her not to tell me and said it would never happen again, how much of an idiot he was. I confronted him and kicked him out, he cried and said he’d made the biggest mistake of his life, he didn’t remember, he didn’t tell me as he was so embarrassed. I don’t know what to do? We have two boys together, a house, a life. I’m so angry and feel so betrayed

OP posts:
Pollypocket89 · 26/07/2020 20:08

Good, I'm glad you know that x what he's saying doesn't make any sense. I also feel really sorry for your friend

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2020 20:10

@MummyEB

He said he doesn’t know what he would of done because he doesn’t remember, it’s all bull shit
Absolutely chilling.
Roguesausage · 26/07/2020 20:10

Your partner is a dangerous predator.

He attempted to lure your friend into a situation where she was going to be alone with him. I dread to think what would have happened to her.

VenusTiger · 26/07/2020 20:10

because he doesn’t remember - drinking problem - he can't get into that state still, at his time in life, a father, and behave any way he likes and then not remember - surely that's the kick up the arse he needs isn't it? tell him that.... it's drink or you and kids - he needs to choose.

backseatcookers · 26/07/2020 20:11

@MummyEB

Yes I do, it makes me feel physically sick! Sorry if I’m not responding, it’s all pretty fresh, think I’m still taking it all in. Never in a million years would I have thought he would of done this to me. I thought we’d always had a good sex life, I suppose that’s why such a shock! But yes I have now seen a completely different side of him, I feel like it’s all been a lie
Tell him you need space, he needs to go and stay somewhere for at least a few days. Obviously I think you should leave him due to him being not only disloyal but also predatory and creepy as fuck, but it's easy for me to say that and harder to do when you've got him there in your home doing (I assume) sad puppy dog eyes and "I won't blame you if you hate me, I hate myself" shit.

Get him out of your face so you can have some time to think about what YOU want to do next.

I suspect once the shock turns to sadness and then anger, you will then be able to make an informed decision that is best for you and your kids. And that would be to not live with someone capable of attempting to not only cheat on his wife but luring an unsuspecting woman over because he finds her sexually attractive.

And I hate to say it but if he's been this fucking brass necked with a mate of yours, god knows what else he gets up to that has less chance of him being rumbled.

You deserve better than someone who objectifies and frightens other women in your life while betraying and hurting you x

category12 · 26/07/2020 20:12

I'd be very surprised if this was the first time he's done something like this.

backseatcookers · 26/07/2020 20:13

@MummyEB

He said he doesn’t know what he would of done because he doesn’t remember, it’s all bull shit
That's even scarier. He couldn't even muster up a 'well I wouldn't have done anything bad'... he just says himself he doesn't know. God he's chilling he really is.
Straycatblue · 26/07/2020 20:13

@BarbedBloom

But it isn't just the messages that are the problem here OP. There is a high possibility here that he intended to assault your friend. How could you contemplate being with someone like that?

Plus what life would this be for you? Are you willing to lose your friend over this? Possibly more than one if she warns others.

This ^

I know you are in shock, devastated and still reeling from it all but if you stayed with him how could you even look your friend in the eye knowing that your husband tried to trick her to sexually assualt her?

You will lose her friendship and many others. You may also then become complicit if you are aware of what he has been up to and he continues to do this and possibly progress to assaulting women in your house ......... if he hasnt already done so!!!

BurtsBeesKnees · 26/07/2020 20:13

He's done it twice now, not once, but twice!

What if next time he texts someone who says it's ok for him to go round. Will he shag that person and then say sorry, he didn't mean it! He was drunk! He'll give you his phone etc

Sorry but I'd be asking him to leave. If he's serious he needs to sort his drinking out and then, and only them would I be even considering talking to him about a reconciliation. But that will be months down the road, not days or weeks!

JeSuisPoulet · 26/07/2020 20:13

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this, but you need to change your password and check he hasn't set up another account with your picture. Make sure your friends know which is your account so he can't do this again.

BuzzingtheBee · 26/07/2020 20:14

Hes sorry hes been caught!

JeSuisPoulet · 26/07/2020 20:14

Sorry, it's texts not fb.

VenusTiger · 26/07/2020 20:14

@Roguesausage @MrsTerryPratchett

OP: She didn’t reply until the next day and told him it was weird and he needed to tell me what was going on - she obviously knew it was him, @MummyEB did your DH in the end come clean in the messages to say it was him? that's how you've written it - so I take it he's not a "predator" as pps are suggesting.

Straycatblue · 26/07/2020 20:14

Sorry , I hit enter too soon, Im really sorry you are going through this OP, please make sure you are taking care of yourself Flowers

OldWomanSaysThis · 26/07/2020 20:15

It's a predatory pervy fucker with a drinking problem.

kazzer2867 · 26/07/2020 20:17

Your partner is a dangerous predator.

He attempted to lure your friend into a situation where she was going to be alone with him. I dread to think what would have happened to her.

^^Absolutely this. She could have turned up at your house thinking it was you.

Roguesausage · 26/07/2020 20:26

OP: She didn’t reply until the next day and told him it was weird and he needed to tell me what was going on - she obviously knew it was him, @MummyEB did your DH in the end come clean in the messages to say it was him? that's how you've written it - so I take it he's not a "predator" as pps are suggesting

The measure of whether someone is a predator or not is not a matter of how successful they are. It's the intention.

Bemorechicken · 26/07/2020 20:27

@BarbedBloom

But it isn't just the messages that are the problem here OP. There is a high possibility here that he intended to assault your friend. How could you contemplate being with someone like that?

Plus what life would this be for you? Are you willing to lose your friend over this? Possibly more than one if she warns others.

Yes. I think he intended to assault her -it's chilling.
Standrewsschool · 26/07/2020 20:29

Once is an accident. Twice is deliberate.

backseatcookers · 26/07/2020 20:30

[quote VenusTiger]**@Roguesausage* @MrsTerryPratchett*

OP: She didn’t reply until the next day and told him it was weird and he needed to tell me what was going on - she obviously knew it was him, @MummyEB did your DH in the end come clean in the messages to say it was him? that's how you've written it - so I take it he's not a "predator" as pps are suggesting.[/quote]
Whether he came clean about it or not, his intention when typing those messages pretending to be his wife was to get the friend to come over to the house where he was alone. And would be alone with her.

The fact he got rumbled is luck not vindication.

Original poster
MummyEB · 26/07/2020 20:33

No he didn’t come clean, he pretended to be me on two different occu

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEB · 26/07/2020 20:33

Occasions

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 26/07/2020 20:43

Fuuuuuck that is even more heinous. Twice he was planning to assault her.

billy1966 · 26/07/2020 20:46

OP, how truly dreadful for you.

I wouldn't buy a word he is saying.

He tried to lure your friend to your home with the intention of sexually assaulting her.

I appreciate this shocking for you to take in.

But however bad you feel, imagine the fall out for your friend, your children and you if he had done that.

He is absolute scum.

Keep proof of everything.

You may need it.

He is not a good man.

I also wouldn't believe for a second that a man who is capable that has been faithful to you.

Your friend is a good one.

You are lucky she is not reporting him to the police.

Protect yourself.Flowers

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 26/07/2020 20:46

This isn’t a cheating problem, this is a sexual predator problem.
There must be other women he’s messaged in this way. Perhaps they don’t know you or they’re too scared to confront you with this information.

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