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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Explicit pics

67 replies

Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 03:57

I need someone to talk to 😢

I have just found naked pictures and videos on my husbands phone, from 3 different women!

We have been married less than a year and are trying to concieve our first baby.
My head is a mess, I cant sleep, I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:06

Ok 💐
Firstly, have they been messaged individually from these women or are they just appearing in his photos? Any messages?

Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:22

@Kintsugi16

They are pics/videos he has saved on snapchat. So no actual messages i can read as they get deleted as soon as they are read.

But. He sent a text message to one of these girls asking her to meet him a few weeks ago. I confronted him about it and he had (what I thought) was a valid reason until I saw these pictures 😥.
Then I realise there is more than one girl. One of them lives v close to where we live. What do i do?

OP posts:
SatanicDesk · 26/07/2020 04:24

Take pictures on your of the evidence on his if you haven’t already done so Flowers

OhioOhioOhio · 26/07/2020 04:25

I am so sorry but I'd suggest you throw him out.

Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:26

Yeah i have took pictures.

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:27

If you’ve seen a message he sent then it’s not looking good 💐 You are obviously suspicious or you wouldn’t be checking his phone in the night.
He will try to talk his way out of it but you know what you have seen.
Ask him to leave for now so you have time to think. Is there a friend irl you can trust to confide in?
I’m so sorry x

SatanicDesk · 26/07/2020 04:28

Take a picture on your *phone (so he can’t pretend you made a mistake/delete and deny.) Sorry this is happening OP Flowers

Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:29

I know you have only been married for a year and are trying for a baby but believe me, you have dodged a bullet and it’s best you have found out now 💐

Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:31

You WILL get through this.
Do not give him the benefit of the doubt so early in your marriage, he will do it again.

Everybloodybottleunderthesun · 26/07/2020 04:35

Kick him out, stay icy calm, don’t engage and tell him you don’t want to hear what he has to say. Then get any support you can from family, girlfriends and let it all out. So sorry you are going through this but it really is best you find out what he is really like now, thank goodness you are not pregnant with this pathetic excuse for a man Flowers

It will feel like the end of the world, but not for very long and you will be happy in the future and thank your lucky stars you found out now

Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:38

I just don't understand it. Why? We have been together 8 years. He acts like he worships the ground I walk on. We are 10 months into marriage and both desperately want children.

Iv always said I would never give another chance if anyone did this to me.
But honestly,
If I leave him, I'm scared I'll never have children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:44

Thanks for your messages / support.. just need to talk to someone about it and really don't want to talk to anyone I know at this point.
My whole world has crashed.

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:47

How old are you Sunflower960 ?

You will be in shock x

Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:49

I get that world crashing feeling. I’ve been there. It’s horrid, the person you rely on most letting you down in the worst way possible.

He is not your friend, please remember that.
Stay calm, say you don’t want to discuss it at the moment and ask him to leave.

Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:50

29

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 04:52

If it was you, would you message the girls and ask them?

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 04:56

You’re still young, it may not seem like it but really, you are. Far too young to put up with crap like this!

Personally, I wouldn’t engage with them.
You know he’s been receiving pics and videos and has asked to meet up. What more do you need to know?

Original poster
Sunflower960 · 26/07/2020 05:00

I know, your right. Its just hard to swallow x

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 05:07

I know 💐

This is not a reflection on you, please remember that. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Kintsugi16 · 26/07/2020 05:10

Stand tall my lovely.
You deserve better, you can do this x

timeisnotaline · 26/07/2020 05:32

You’re 29! You have a decade to have children still 😊. With someone who wouldn’t cheat on you.

SortingItOut · 26/07/2020 07:14

No doubt he does it for an ego boost, my ex husband did the same.

Forget the children bit, could you imagine living with someone who you didnt trust?

Honestly its the most awful feeling ever, my husband did this regularly over 17 years and i didnt leave because he threatened suicide.
17 years wasted and all that time has totally screwed my head, you end up with no self esteem, no confidence, body inage issues and not being able to trust anyone.

Get out while you can, if he hasn't met them yet he soon will.

Buggedandconfused · 26/07/2020 07:19

OP, you are in shock and it’s the worst feeling when you discover things like this. But men like this don’t change. You are 29...so young!! Plenty of time to meet someone with integrity and a good moral compass.

Tell him to leave while you sort yourself out, get support from your family and friends and think very carefully about how you want your life to be. Stuck with someone you’ll never trust again living a life of anxiety, or with someone lovely who wouldn’t dream of doing this to you.

category12 · 26/07/2020 07:19

Stop ttc.

You have plenty of time left in your fertility window. I would carefully think about whether you want to spend any more of it on him.

If he's cheating on you now, after less than a year of marriage, what's he going to do while you're pregnant or exhausted with a newborn?!

Rainbowqueeen · 26/07/2020 07:25

Op you need time without him there to process what is happening. He needs to leave to give you that time. If he won’t do that, it tells you a lot about him.

Your whole world has come crashing down and you need that time to come to terms with what you have learnt.

Keep talking here if it helps.

But always remember, you will get through this things will get better.
And you are not too old to start again with someone worthy of being the father to your children.
Flowers