Water-torturer husband stories

[Chuckyleg]

Share your water-torturer stories?

I end up feeling pathetic after I've got angry or upset with DH for his little wind-up behaviours. I recently came across this term and I'm sure this is how DH is behaving.

This morning, I put the kettle on, only for him to come up behind me 10 seconds later to switch the kettle on too. The blue light had come on and it had started to make a low noise after I pressed it.

I said to DH "Dont worry, I've already pressed it."
He says "you hadn't" with an ear-to-ear silly grin on his face.
I say "no I had the light had come on."
He starts laughing loudly and saying "nope. You hadn't" repeating himself over and over. I know I should let it go, but I start feeling angry that he's making out I'm senile when I know for a fact that I'd switched it on.

I ended up reacting very emotionally and feel ridiculous, particularly when he then pipes down and says "ok, ok it's only a kettle."

I want to punch him when he's sporting that stupid smug grin on his face.

@Thislittlelady

Yes it’s emotional abuse and please do not feel stupid

Why are you with him he sounds like a total Pratt

He deliberately lies to make you unhappy.

You really should not be with this person (and nor should anyone else).

You, and other women, really have to learn what to look out for before you marry them

Absolutely this. Don't forget to use the crystal ball all girls get when they start their periods to see what the men in their life are going to be like in the future. Or, you know, ask The Doctor if you can borrow The TARDIS for a bit. Better safe than sorry, eh?

@category12 wow, I had a boyfriend like this when I was younger, it confused the hell out of me, I still think about it now.

Op, your DH is definitely abusive, he will chip away at you until you are a shell of yourself.

I’d never put myself in that situation.

Ahhh, so all we had to do was not put ourselves in that situation. You're a lightbulb, PP. MI6 should nab you.

Why are you with him?

I feel so stupid right now

Please don't . It's not unreasonable to think the person you are in a relationship with has your best interests at heart and is on your side. It's quite a big mental jump to realise that they are not. Especially if they did not act like this to begin with. The drip of the water torturer can start very slowly.

DH thinks its funny to be sarcastic ALL the fucking time. Then I get mad, he says why you so uptight etc etc ad nauseum. I'm only teasing you, he says. It's working, I say

He sounds like a pathetic, abusive, gaslighting arse! I feel angry just reading about his nasty little games. I hope you can begin to make a plan to leave. He will destroy your confidence and happiness piece by tiny piece otherwise.

Chuckyleg Stop.
Stop trying to analyse him.
Stop trying to get other people to share similar stories so you can feel that it's normal behaviour. It's not.

Are you happy together? Do you support each other, have each other's backs, unconditionally love and respect each other?
No? Then it's time to end your marriage.

I said to DH "Dont worry, I've already pressed it.
He says "you hadn't" with an ear-to-ear silly grin on his face
Then you say "Whatever"

and make plans to leave

Just tell him the kettle is not your problem he is. and repeat everytime for whatever it is.

Not to belittle it its not normal behaviour and he is doing it to get a reaction, I have perfected a raised eye brow and a yeah right whatever response and he is slowly reducing how much he does this (I don't think he even does it in a way that he even realises what he is doing so I challenge although sometimes he reacts to me, I call him on that as well)

The only way I found to deal with this sort of behaviour was, when they did the whole 'silly you, you haven't turned the kettle on...' to smile a kind of pitying smile and shake my head whilst saying 'aw, bless.' It's very passive aggressive, but it acknowledges that you've noted the behaviour and regard it as beneath your contempt.

Or leave the bastard. That works too.

Please divorce him, and take half the kettle with you. Your kettle will be half full, not half empty...we all make mistakes, but you can learn from them and move onto a productive, happier life away from him. Psychological torture just drags at you over the years and wears you down to the point where you lack energy to escape. Get out while you can.

"He calls it banter. I call it exhausting."

I call it a reason to divorce.

Challenge this behavior.

You should not have to live with that.

This is gaslighting. Challenge it. Every. Fucking. Time.

I get so angry at men thinking they can get away with acting like little boys. You are a woman and he is treating you like a cat toy. Just NO.

He probably thinks you're no fun not playing along with this twattery and I bet he says you've no sense of humour. All the pranks, winding up etc gets very wearing and is ultimately mean and disrespectful. If this is a large part of your interaction with him then you need to dump him.

Honestly, don't have kids with him - or don't have any more.

I bet he does that crap with pretty much everything he can. Can you get away? Could you afford to move? Would you consider leaving him?

Is the advice to challenge his behaviour or ignore it the right advice though? He might escalate the abuse because he wants a reaction.

Ignoring it I'is pointless in the long term as he will only do more and more to try and get a reaction.

A lot of people will advise the 'grey rock' technique. But it is absolutely not the right course if you are living with an abuser. It is only useful when you have to meet the abuser briefly (eg: handing over and picking up the kids).

It doesnt work longterm as there will to hurt you is one of iron and if one way doesn't work, they will keep on trying alternatives to destabilise you.

Dont ignore> Leave.

*their will

I think you're right Bunny I'm not sure there is a way to act that will make a man like this stop or change.

Op It's awful that you say "I feel pathetic when I react by getting upset or angry" None of this is your fault or due to any flaw in you. It's him.

That sounds horrible. Banter is usually bullying I find.

This sounds so familiar. My ex used to embarrass me in front of people, even people we barely knew, with really personal details about my body for example. He'd go on and on even when it was clear the other party was embarrassed and I was nearly in tears with humiliation. He'd then call me names and tell me I was "over sensitive, had no sense of humour and couldn't take a joke". I didn't see any of this at the time. I was utterly devastated when he left after an affair, it's taken me a huge amount of therapy and a very long time on my own to realise what an utter cunt that man was an how much damage he did to me. These people don't change, they do it to draw attention away from themselves because they are damaged, inadequate individuals. Please leave this man OP, you are worth so much more