Husband and my friend

[lunkitsmum]

I have a single friend who has had a lot of unsettled relationships over the last few years several with married men, she has been very flirty when drunk with my husband and has started at least 4 private message conversations with him(that he's told me about)In fairness about innocent stuff like gardening or toys her son might like but I've seen at least once she's invited him over. She knew I was upset with her about this because they aren't friends independ of me and I told her it crossed the line. I've been away visiting family for a week and she text me to ask about my trip but seemed to know id come back early...also a few other alarm bells we both have trackers on our cars but my access to husband's cars movements wasn't working last week he also told me randomly about bumping into a friend and how he gave him a lift home the other day. The friend happens to live on the same street as her also as soon as I got home he made a big deal about changing our bed sheets. We've had a bust up about his suspicious behaviour. I've never had a reason not to trust him before and he swears on our child's life that he would never do anything like that I feel so sad about it now...am I being stupid?

Keep your eyes open OP and bin off this “friend”.

My gut has never been wrong before so I’d be wary in your situation and be keeping a close eye on both of them

Drop the friend like a hot potato and consider dropping DH as well.

Had a similar issue with a mutual friend of mine and DHs. I knew about her relationships with married men and whilst I didn't like it, I didn't unfriend her because of it. I just thought she would never do it to me. I was wrong.

Thankfully for me, I found out before they slept together and with a lot of hard work DH and I were able to repair the relationship.

“Boosted his ego”? Is that what they’re calling it these days? For me, the bedsheets is key, my dh would never dream of changing them!

How often in the past does he/has he changed your bed? Did he put a wash straight on? Check your bins.

@Geppili

How often in the past does he/has he changed your bed? Did he put a wash straight on? Check your bins.

This. My DP has changed the bedding once in the last two years. If he did it now voluntarily I'd be suspicious AF. But then that's obviously because my DP is a lazy twat. Yours might be more proactive and this isn't unusual.

I would be disinclined to go away for days at a time for quite a while.

Your friend doesn't sound as though she has the personal qualities to attract a man for a sustained period of time. Having a reputation for sleeping with married men is embarrassing, and would embarrass away many prospective partners.

Not changing the bed when you were out suggests nothing went on in that bed. ( Nobody with a guilty conscience would wait until you returned before changing it). It could be a minor misdemeanor, such as DH having smothered himself in after-shave one day when you were away - didn't think it worth changing the bed whilst you were out of mind, but panicked a bit when he saw you and recalled how perceptive you are.

I suppose you could casually ask DH whether he told Friend that you were going to be returning early, because she had somehow seemed to know it.

I hope it all turns out well, but I'd say don't make the atmosphere at home too miserable and unbearable because it doesn't sound like your 'friend' has the charm to seriously cause damage. But you will find out and know what is best for you.

I'm single, and my friends are generally single.
They tend to drop you when they pair off.

I keep seeing on here that it's fine for a man to have a female friend, but I've seen so many instances on either the married man making a move on a single woman friend (usually when she is newly single or is a single mum) or the other way round.

I've also seen married people make moves on married friends, but usually one of them has the sense to resist.

Someone on a mission will go to any length to get what he or she wants.

I was away at my parents for a few days with my DC when I was married to my exh. I realised I'd left the baby monitor at home and my dad popped me home to grab it the next day, while my ex was at work. There were 2 wine glasses in the sink and cigarette ends in the bin - neither of us smoke. I went upstairs and our bed was in a state of disarray. I also noticed he'd stuffed (hidden) a pile of our DCs dry washing under our bed! I went back to my parents', didn't say a word to him that I'd been home.

He called me that evening to say he was going to give the house a clean from top to bottom before we came home, change the beds, the whole lot. So I wouldn't have any jobs to do when I got back. Pfft. It was so far out of character it was unreal.

That was the first time I caught him cheating. After defending it to the max I finally told him I'd been home while he was at work and he accused me of spying on him 😂

I'm not saying your DH is cheating OP, but the whole bed changing thing is weird especially if it's out of character.

DH would change our sheets once a year if it was up to him.

I think you need to be very prepared for an affair here, sorry.

I would worry about changing the sheets, if this was totally out of character, if he's never done this before the friend had been sniffing about then it could be an affair. I would yes she is trying to get your dp attention, drop her as a friend.

He's at it.

Trust your gut OP.

Is his tracking thing working again now?

I had a friend like this. What is so horrible is that it undermines your trust in your relationship. Even if nothing has happened you are always wary. Because if there is cheating it affect your entire fucking future - it is bound to prey on your mind and can cause no end of harm to even a good relationship. Dump the friend.

Do you know his email address and password? The fb messages should be there. Also you can retrieve them on fb. Get digging.

My DH would never ever change the bedsheets in our house unless asked. Never.

And as for being secretive with his phone and you not knowing his password, that’s yet again something I’d never put up with in my marriage. There is private stuff ( medical info and such like) and there is secretive stuff. The former I’m fine with. The latter definitely not. If he has nothing to hide then what’s the problem showing you his phone if you were to ask him?

There’s something to be said for intuition. The first sign for me finding my partner had cheated was him randomly deciding at an odd time to go and have a shower. It just set my senses off straight away.

No trustworthy man has ever said 'It's be nice to have fresh sheets because you (wife) have had a long drive.'

Actually NO man has ever said that

The sheets seems a big one to me. Our sheets could be ready to walk out the door before my DH would ever think of changing them.

The phone thing is an issue too. There's a difference between privacy and secrecy. This was a thing with my exh too. Privacy is you knowing his passwords but not having any interest in his phone. Secrecy is you not knowing his passwords and him still being guarded with it.

It doesn't look good.
She's no friend dump her immediately - you don't need an excuse.
Why on earth would she let on that she knew you were coming home early - she's either keen to cause problems between you and your DH (hoping he picks her) or she's pretty thick.

Why have you allowed this woman around your husband anyway?

Not saying he isn't a dick to fall for her charms but still...come on.

Dark is right - why the secrecy with his phone unless he's hiding things from you. You're married not strangers.

Setting on Facebook and download all messages that includes deleted.

Has he ever mentioned changing sheets before? If they are not friends why would she know you home early before you told her. They are at the very least friends is not having cake.

Has he ever changed the bedding before now?

Does he normally change the bedding?

Agree with PP, ditch this so-called friend.