Was this an awful thing for him to say?

[orangesky1]

I gave birth 6 months ago. Bad delivery - big baby, forceps. Still in physio for weak pelvic floor and prolapse.

We've had sex a handful of times since the birth. Most of the pain has now gone, but it is pretty numb and I am very self conscious and so rarely get active pleasure, although it is now not that unpleasant. I am hoping that continued physio (plus a bit more sleep to get my head in the right place) will improve this.

Most recent sex was Monday night. When i asked how it was, my husband said fine but loose. Tonight my husband, out of nowhere suggested I look for a large dildo so I can get pleasure because my vagina is now so loose he doesn't think his penis will be enough for me.

He insists that he asked this because he is concerned about my own pleasure. I feel like it was actually a sly dig. Maybe I am paranoid. He knows that I am self conscious and upset about my physical state since the birth. Why bring it up out of nowhere on a Tuesday night? There are other more gentler ways he could have approached it.

Was he being awful? Or am I, as he says, overly sensitive?

Well I suggest you 'pleasure ' him by shoving a red hot poker (not the plant) up his arse!

Men are so so stupid sometimes.

@Campingintheraintoday

There is a big cunt in this situation.. And it isn't yours.

This!

It's almost too bad for words OP.

@orangesky1

I'm glad it's just outrageously idiotic and not malicious.

He really does have to work on his delivery with talking about sex... The wet cushion was a new one. It reminded me of an episode of grace and Frankie.where the son thought he had lost his virginity to the love of his life but had in fact lost it to the space between two cushion on a couch.

Men are idiots . I hope you keep recovering well and congratulations on your baby.xx

@orangesky1 glad you were able to talk about it and that he was an idiot rather than a dick. But I'm not sure why you are not open with him the extent of the healing you require. This is a massive change to your lifestyle and you deserve support from him for this, and he can't give that if he doesn't understand the extent of the issues.

@sillysmiles thank you. I know deep down I should be more open. I understand that it's ridiculous but I'm really ashamed it's floored me in the way it has. I'm the sort of person who just powers through things and am such a believer in mind over matter.... birth has been a lesson that there are limits to this approach, but I haven't quite come to terms with it yet.

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Maybe you need some counselling or CBT to talk about your traumatic birth? I don't think your DH was being nasty, sounds like he was being awkward and didn't know what to say. You sound like you're having a tough time coming to terms with what you went through and it might be helpful to share how you feel with someone impartial rather than DH. Although I wouldn't play things down with him. I'd have a frank heart to heart about what you're going through. You don't have to go into the physical side but how it's making you feel. If you let it fester it will cause problems later on so it's best to deal with it now. A prolapse can heal with rest, hormones settling especially if you're breastfeeding, the correct exercises (no running, sit ups or high intensity - work on your core). Get a PT that trains in women's health if you can afford it and you've had your postpartum checks. Wishing you luck!

@WaterOffADucksCrack

don't even believe that it is true that men have a different experience with a woman after she has given birth and that her vagina feels different. I think it's a lie to make women feel crap and attack their self esteem. Same! I've had 2 and it's actually tighter than before which I think may be due to having had stitches. I've heard many men make really misogynistic comments when a woman has had a baby. It's just another way to get women to feel shame for daring to be born female.

I had a big baby and i've had no complaints when (I used) to have sex in the last few years. I think it's true that a lot of men either imagine that they are shoving their penis into a cavernous space which will never satisfy them because of the age old idea that women are drastically changed through childbirth - or it's also an abusive lie to make women feel crap about themselves. I suspect the latter is probably more common but can't understand why these men are so utterly horrible to women who have given birth to their child and are probably at one of the most emotionally and physical vulnerable stages of their lives. Some men are beyond cruel and evil to say such things. It's disgusting and i'm sorry your fella has said this OP. It's veiled abuse disguised as 'well meaning advice' and is exactly the comment a narcissist would make.