Was this an awful thing for him to say?

[orangesky1]

I gave birth 6 months ago. Bad delivery - big baby, forceps. Still in physio for weak pelvic floor and prolapse.

We've had sex a handful of times since the birth. Most of the pain has now gone, but it is pretty numb and I am very self conscious and so rarely get active pleasure, although it is now not that unpleasant. I am hoping that continued physio (plus a bit more sleep to get my head in the right place) will improve this.

Most recent sex was Monday night. When i asked how it was, my husband said fine but loose. Tonight my husband, out of nowhere suggested I look for a large dildo so I can get pleasure because my vagina is now so loose he doesn't think his penis will be enough for me.

He insists that he asked this because he is concerned about my own pleasure. I feel like it was actually a sly dig. Maybe I am paranoid. He knows that I am self conscious and upset about my physical state since the birth. Why bring it up out of nowhere on a Tuesday night? There are other more gentler ways he could have approached it.

Was he being awful? Or am I, as he says, overly sensitive?

Tell him you've got said massive dildo already since yes you've always find him to be a bit on the small side but, you know what with having birth injuries you won't be using it just yet.

Then ask for him to go down on you plenty and properly if he's so worried about your needs (assuming you're ready for that)

Arsehole

Wow you poor thing. Took me 6m for my episiotomy to heal and another 6m for me to actively want/enjoy sex (breastfeeding totally killed the libido). I mentioned something to my GP asking when everything would get back to the way it was down there and she (who has 4 DCs) told me you never really do! Speak to your GP if you are still in pain or having other symptoms, otherwise you sound normal to me. It was an awful thing for him to say. Only you know whether he is usually a kind and loving partner who mistakenly thinks he knows what you want, or whether he is in the habit of making you feel bad about yourself. Time to let him know he doesn't know your sexual needs very well!

I’d tell him I’d prefer to find a new DH with a bigger cock personally.

But in all seriousness, I had a forceps delivery which resulted in a prolapse. I also felt numb and loose for a good long while afterwards, but the sensation came back for me eventually.

I had a baby not long ago and i would be really upset if my DH said that, its not nice saying anything about a womans body esp after giving birth , i would tell him how it made u feel, if i were u i wouldnt be able to not say anything .

There is a big cunt in this situation..
And it isn't yours.

Maybe his teeny manhood is the problem here !! 🙄😡😡

Tonight my husband, out of nowhere suggested I look for a large dildo so I can get pleasure because my vagina is now so loose he doesn't think his penis will be enough for me.

I'd be tempted to tell him it wasn't in the first place..

Seriously though, what an arse.

Fucking hell.After ds birth we had sex 3 weeks later and I was convinced I was looser but dh said it felt the same.If he had said otherwise I would have gone mental tbh.

Is it possible his anxiety is whether he is big enough? And he was simply wanting you to reassure him that you don't need a dildo - that he still gives you pleasure?

Of course it was a dig.
How disrespectful. You've not that long given birth!

Well he’s a prince amongst men isn’t he.

You know he was having a go, and now pretending with faux innocence he wasn’t, but the fundamental issue here is this is what he thinks and he’s a passive aggressive twat.

I think I'd buy the large dildo and ram it up his arsehole

I’m so sorry OP. that’s a vile thing to say and a difficult thing to hear from someone who professes to love you and knows that you’re vulnerable.
I would make it clear that his comment is why you do not feel comfortable having sex with him and won’t until he demonstrates he’s not a repulsive turd. X

@Closetbeanmuncher

I think I'd buy the large dildo and ram it up his arsehole

Lmao. ,. He'd regret commenting it should be a large one .

Sorry, that really made me laugh.

Or op
You could say actually you'll just look for a different partner with a much larger dick, it seems the biggest one he has is on his shoulders

Just like you to know that years ago now, I had a big baby, 3rd degree tear and was just left leaflets from physio advising doing kagel exercises to avoid faecal inconvenience ( believe me, was enough to make me religiously do them). I recovered fine, more than fine in fact, sensation became better, after a while, than ever had been. Give it time, things will improve, you're DP however, maybe not much, because he's a total nob, who lacks imagination if all he knows about is how his nob works, but no idea with women.

I had a 10lb baby, an episiotomy, but a nice husband who didn't expect me to have sex any time soon after the birth and didn't basically tell me I had a fanny like a wizards cuff.

What an absolute twat he is. My husband also didn't suggest that I buy a massive dildo to fill my loose fanny.

Absolutely disgusting.

Tell him to go and fuck a wet cushion and leave you alone.

Cheeky twat.

OP what a horrible thing for him to say to you. You gave birth to his child! I would inconsolable frankly, and wouldn't let him anywhere near my vagina ever again.

Like wow. This has actually made me really sad for you. I know its not the done thing here but sending hugs.

Though maybe you should do as @Closetbeanmuncher suggests

Maybe he's just trying in a very awkward way way, to initiate a proper conversation about your vagina, the injuries you suffered and how things have changed. Men can be so cack-handed.Don't ever underestimate how little they really know or understand about vaginas, birth injury etc.

Just out of interest, have you told him that the experience you have when having sex is of being numb and not feeling anything? Sounds to me like —because the world revolves around him— that he’s felt belittled and so has lashed out at you to make you feel the same, as he’s an insensitive arse who’s a bit self-obsessed

That is such a dreadful and insensitive thing to say. Does he have a small penis?

How old is he, 11?
What a great big tosser he is.

For all those explaining away that men can be insensitive and to se either from his point of view. Do you think it would work the same if OP told him he had a small penis and apologised afterwards saying she was just insensitive? Christ , I'm not exactly militant but this thread has the biggest Male apologists I've ever seen...for those pp seriously get a spine.

OP it's a crapoy thing to say and I don't care if he is ignorant or rubbish at communicating he bloody well needs to be told this is completely unacceptable to make that statement.

Good grief when the hell did he think that was in anyway an ok thing to say? What a giant asshole.