Is he cheating and what to do!?

[AbiPat]

I've had suspicions of DP for a while... a bit of background about 10 months ago I found naked pics on his phone of a woman and pics of him aswell, I found them on his camera roll as I was popping on to get the pics he took of us as at a family wedding wasn't expecting anything at all and definitely not snooping I was heartbroken! I couldn't go into messages as he took the phone that second and left (he was the way out) I eventually got a half truth out of him he'd been messaging a girl for a few days just some random who'd added him on WhatsApp. Now at the time it was a week before we were about to go on holiday for his 30th which I'd bought for his birthday present and we'd just bought our first home waiting for the go ahead on completion. I was all over the place. But decided to try and forgive, I've always told him I won't trust him until he earns it back and I won't forget what he did. So last night after weeks of suspicions hiding phone and Apple Watch keeping both on him 24/7, leaving early for work some days etc I finally aired my concerns after him saying to do so if I ever felt anything wasn't right. Well he went crazy!! Screaming and shouting saying that they were no reasons to doubt him he's changed his life around and I'm just bringing him down, I'm a bitter bitch and I then said about last year the WhatsApp thing is bugging me as you can't just add someone randomly on WhatsApp without having their number and he said he's told me the truth why would I bring it up again I'm such a drain and to just get over it! I said I want the full truth about last time as I didn't get it and I realise that and he said he can't remember 🙄 but he's saying he'd rather stay elsewhere than talk about it but I need to know I have nightmares about it and I just feel I'm going crazy! He's been awful to me last night and this morning before he left for work but I don't know if it's my own fault 🤷🏻‍♀️ sorry to rant and I don't really know what I'm asking? Could he be cheating now I guess and last time do you think it's likely he was on dating apps or something that's how he found that girls number? Thank you and sorry for the long post.

I was in your situation my mum loved my ex like her own. But the moment I told her, I never doubted how much she loved me and since that’s all she’s ever said. You are the prize, that’s what my male friends always say to me, you are incredible, brave and I think deep down your gut knows the truth x

I promise you if he found naked photos of another man on your phone he would have left you, not given you a second chance.

And now he is clearly at it again.

The market will be busy after lockdown- sort the house out and put it up and rid yourself of this prick.

Thank you guys for being so great, I feel awful at the moment he's messaged me saying if him messaging her before was a mistake that cost our relationship he'll take it 🤷🏻‍♀️ like WTF I'm so annoyed I know he's trying to get a reaction but my god has he got no remorse and does he not care for my feelings at all 😞

No, quite frankly he doesn't have any remorse. He's just so full of himself that he can't possibly be in the wrong and you don't really feature in his thinking at all.

I bet he's livid that you aren't biting on his bait though. Well done.

I hate reading threads like this, like it's not bad enough to disrespect you with the photos, he's manipulating and blaming on top.

Makes me so sad for you. Find some strength and tell him to fuck off. You shouldn't have to tell him what it would be like the other way around. He KNOWS. Just playing with your mind and that's as bad as the original fuck up.

Sorry OP hope you have some support and get through, you're worth so much more.

*Cheating by exchanging explicit photos with OW and minimizing it
*Change in phone behavior
*Change in morning departure time
*Shouting and verbally abusive when questioned, obviously to make you back off
*Claiming amnesia when recently challenged re previous nude photos
*Current manipulative behavior meant to elicit fear and begging

OP, this man is bad news. He feels entitled to lie, cheat, and bully you into submission. Kudos for drawing a line and refusing to do the Pick-Me dance.

He doesn’t want to lose face and look like the bad man. He lost a good one over something which is unlikely to work out. And you will sit back and meet someone incredible and be thankful x

Hi, tbh his reaction says something is going on! When I questioned my dh about the appropriateness of his friendship with another woman, he went nuts, shouting oh don't I trust him, I'm mad, maybe I should see a doctor. My gut told me there was something going on but his reaction was so strong I believed him. Only later when I found out that they were having an affair did I realise he was gaslighting me. People instinctively get very defensive if they are lying. Have you asked to look at his phone? His reaction there will be very telling. If nothing is going on he would let you look for your peace of mind. Sorry you're going through this x

I've just read your last post. You deserve so much better, I'm sure you realise that! Concentrate on yourself, the best revenge you can have is to do well for yourself and be happy

Thanks everyone not going to lie I'm struggling today I'm finding it hard not knowing how he is and wanting to speak to him but I'm being strong if he doesn't reach out to me why should I be changing him!? But still it's hard when you love someone right I'm just throwing myself into work and planning a nice pamper night for myself.

He should be reaching out to you. Know your worth. If you had children and this was them, imagine what you could be saying. People will tell you what they want you to hear. My ex did the same thing which is why I can sympathise. I was the psycho, the one making accusations, causing drama all this stuff. I believed him, I was wrong. My dad did the same thing when I accused him of having an affair...I was right.

Sorry I've not read the whole thread but....

The messaging alone IS cheating. And really rather creepy and grim. By the sounds of things, there's probably more. A cheat will always minimise what they've done and only admit to the bare minimum if there's no way out of it. He sounds like he's trying to turn it round on you so you look like you're overreacting to 'a few messages' but if I were in your shoes he'd be out on his arse so do not let him make you feel like your feelings are not valid.
Not only is it totally disrespectful to you in the first place he's showing no remorse and if you take him back he's likely to repeat the behaviour again.
He sounds like an utter bellend and you deserve better. Stay strong 💪🏼

Absolutely it's like a light switch has come on and I realise how disrespectful he's actually been I would never dream of doing it to him as it's just so disrespectful and wrong. It'll be hard but I'm taking a long long hard look at things

Hiya, I can relate to your story so much, except I am married and me have two young children so I am finding this all so hard and I really don’t want him to leave. I’m glad you have found the strength to do what is right for you x

@Silverfoxbunny I'm so sorry 😞 it's horrible isn't it weirdly I don't actually want us to break up because I love him and I'm scared I'll be so lonely without him but I know deep down it's for the best, how did you find out? Are you ok? Do you have anywhere you and the children could go for a while or anywhere your husband could go for a while for you to think things through?

AbiPat it’s quite a long story, I’ve actually just posted my own tread about it but it’s actually happened to me several times over the years with him messaging other women and hiding it from me, I know how to spot the signs, we were happy for quite a while until now, he is currently being really shifty with his phone, it’s always on silent and never leaves his side, I had a look when the opportunity came up and I’ve discovered he is talking to his ex wife on Snapchat, heartbroken isn’t the word! There’s a lot more to it, I’d have to copy and paste my thread to give the full story!
If we were to split up it would be him that leaves, the tenancy for our house is in my name and his hours at work are too long for him to be the main carer for the kids! Not that I really want it to come to that, if he stopped being sneaky and was open with me I could forgive him but he would rather lie to me, even though he always gets caught out! 🤷‍♀️
It’s really hard isn’t it, the thought of being lonely! I get so bored when he is at work and always look forward to his days off so we can go and do something, we have a big family holiday booked and almost paid for for next year too! It feels like in many ways our family has only just started and it’s so sad to think of it coming to an end already 😭

I'll pop on your thread now @Silverfoxbunny and I'm soo sorry!

So he's just text me and said last year he was on a chat thing for sexting but was too scared to say but isn't doing anything now he swears. I haven't replied and won't I'm guessing kik or something? Any other ideas?

Why would he be “ too scared to say “ if he’s done nothing wrong?

Absolutely pathetic. I wouldn't even dignify that with a reply x

If he is screaming at you it's because he is cheating and not because his goolies have been caught in his fly. No man screams unless he is lying.

@AbiPat

I'll pop on your thread now *@Silverfoxbunny* and I'm soo sorry!

Thank you x I’m really sorry about your situation too, nobody deserves to be made to feel like this x

The guy is a prick @AbiPat
Even if you put the total lack of respect for you to one side for a minute, if you attempted to forgive him how could you ever respect him again after finding that out?
It would make my skin crawl.

I'm speaking from experience although luckily I wasn't married to him and we didn't live together.
Great guy (or so I thought) got on fantastically, thought we were on the same page then 2 years into the relationship I find out he's on loads of apps and out dating other women as though he's a single guy.
He begged, he cried on his knees, he swore he'd never do it again and just did it for the ego boost. All made sense, little things I'd brushed off as me being paranoid all suddenly added up. The secrecy with his phone, his social media was all set so only certain friends could see certain posts, the nights I couldn't get hold of him but he always had a seemingly believable reason.
Stupidly tried to believe him as he'd begged and begged but the trust had gone and I saw him through totally different eyes. The attraction had gone, the man I'd fallen in love with had morals, dignity and integrity but suddenly I saw he wasn't real and I ended it after a few months of trying.

It was hard for a little while. I grieved what I thought we'd had and for the future I had planned but I needed to just keep reminding myself that it was never real. The man I thought he was could have never behaved the way he did.
If you decide to stay it will eat away at you. You'll constantly question what he's doing and who he's talking to. I hope you find the strength to LTB, he doesn't deserve you

It is pathetic honestly, well I hope he enjoys the app because that's all he'll be getting from now on 🤬

How are you xx