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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so fed up of this crap. Is it acceptable behaviour?

103 replies

RadeTheSweets · 17/07/2020 06:59

H has always been reserved and introverted, likes his own space etc. But lately he is getting worse and worse.

Doesn't seem to want us round the house during the day when he's working and constantly asks if we're off yet or have plans for the day. I lost my job so not even working PT right now.

This morning DS got up early and went over to his side of the bed, touched something like a pair of earphones or whatever. DH screamed 'Noooo!' In the nastiest way. His tone was awful. I said why on earth are you speaking to him this way?! He said he's a cunt waking him up and touching stuff. I said how about me sleeping? He said he should be asleep for another 2 hours because that's how it works. I said so you think you have a right to sleep in until 8am every week day? He said yep, I do. He gives me a lay in on a Sunday but I pay for it

I'm so fed up of H'd behaviour. Won't even come to a Sunday roast at his own families houses and everyone is upset by him turning their offers down constantly.

His moods got worse since starting to smoke weed about a year ago. Now he's doing it a lot and I'm convinced it's making him more Moody. I thought it was suppose to make people more chilled out. He's too chilled out and as a result seems irritated by family life.

OP posts:
ThickFast · 17/07/2020 09:22

He just sounds worse and worse.

scubadive · 17/07/2020 09:24

He sounds awful, I think I would start planing for separate lives.

Regularsizedrudy · 17/07/2020 09:27

So what exactly do you love about this lazy miserable verbally abusive drug user?

Costacoffeeplease · 17/07/2020 09:42

So what exactly do you love about this lazy miserable verbally abusive drug user?

What they said

Branleuse · 17/07/2020 09:46

rather you than me OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2020 09:46

Seriously you need to end this now before your ds is further affected. And before you are completely downtrodden. The fact that your ds is more comfortable in someone else’s home should ring all kinds of alarm bells. Staying together is tacit approval of the behaviour from an abusive drug addict.

crimsonlake · 17/07/2020 09:48

It is so depressing to read threads like this and there does seem to be a lot of them.
I feel sorry for your son with a father like that. Can you remind us what attracted you to this dead loss of a man initially?

Shoxfordian · 17/07/2020 09:49

He sounds like such a loser

okiedokieme · 17/07/2020 09:54

The fact he even mentioned 50/50 means he's thinking about splitting. Don't give him the satisfaction of setting the schedule. Get your thoughts together and make an exit plan

CorianderLord · 17/07/2020 09:59

Sounds like he needs a big shock - to make him put the weed down, exercise a bit and eat better. He'd be much happier.
Threaten to leave?

differentnameforthis · 17/07/2020 10:03

@RadeTheSweets

He has said before in general conversation that he would be going for 50/50 if I ever left.

He's never called me any names. No. He doesn't do 'name calling', never even called me an idiot. Until this morning when he randomly called DS a cunt

Not so randomly, as you said he did it a while ago too.

It's verbal abuse. Aimed at a child, or an adult, it's verbal abuse and nasty!

differentnameforthis · 17/07/2020 10:06

@RadeTheSweets

I just can't get over what he said about not seeing how amazingly DS transforms whilst at his sister's house by going there for an hour himself. He said with a straight face that he doesn't need to because I sent pictures?!

How can that compensate? If I was him, I'd give a lot to see my son thrive like that in person Sad

Except if your dh was there, he wouldn't "transform" would he? Because your dh is the problem.
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/07/2020 10:13

Radethesweets

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is there to love about this man?

You have a choice re this man, your son does not. You're normalising and minimising verbal abuse of your child.

Divorce is not failure but living in such unhappiness is.

sallievp · 17/07/2020 10:14

If anyone called my son a Cxxx that would be it.
You wouldn't speak about your worst enemy like that...let alone your son!
Who does he think he is!!!??
Don't you and Ur son deserve better?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 17/07/2020 10:15

He called your 3 year old son a cunt?

😳 my God, there's no way on earth I would stay with a man who did this.
That is just beyond words....

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/07/2020 10:17

"I'm so fed up of living like this".

So don't then. As mentioned before you still have a choice here re this man. How do you think things would be for you if this man was not in your lives with his verbal abuse of your son and the stench of cannabis in his wake?.

QualityFeet · 17/07/2020 10:27

You must leave. The abusive, drug addict does nothing but fuck up your child’s life. You do not love this man. You may be enraged in his drama and within your roles but it isn’t love. You can have love and freedom but never here. Take advice, take help and get rid of him. Today is already later than it should have been.

RadeTheSweets · 17/07/2020 10:28

DS isn't happier in someone else's home. As I say he's very happy and content. He transforms at SIL's because we seem him have some sort of interaction with other children. We don't see that at home because there are no other children. And for whatever reason he doesn't do it at all at nursery either

OP posts:
Noodles4Me · 17/07/2020 10:32

You're clearly not ready to do anything, or even hear this advice. Which happens.

Your poor child.

Wish you luck

Mischance · 17/07/2020 10:32

He must give up the weed. I know lots of people see and have no problem with it; but it sounds as though it is the wrong thing for your OH to be doing. Good luck getting him to stop. You will struggle to reason with him till he has stopped.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 17/07/2020 10:35

You need to look harder at why your son is so different in a different household.

Verbal abuse is still abuse. You make your son grow up being called a cunt by his dad then youre failing him. I really don't get it, what the fuck is there to love?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 17/07/2020 10:37

Your partner is verbally abusing your child.

What are you going to do about it?

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 11:00

Does he mean 50-50 access/residence for your son?

That's hilarious.

He's s dope head who thinks he should sleep til 8am 6 days a week and that a three year old child shouldn't touch his stuff.

He also clearly generally doesn't like kids or being in family situations. He's selfish, lazy, boring and antisocial.

But he's going to look after a child 50% of the time on his own?

Lmfao.

Right, if he actually pursued that, record absolutely everything re contact/access and I bet it falls apart from his end immediately.

That's not even getting onto the fact that s parent who uses drugs (even the soft end of drugs) is not safe to care for a child on their own.

GilbertMarkham · 17/07/2020 11:04

"We're not that sort of family".

"That's how it works".

He clearly thinks decision making in your family is unilateral i.e. his.

He's trying to live in a tyranny/autocracy, not a democracy where you have equal (or any say) in things. He thinks he's big boss (not sure to what extent this is because you're not working outside the home at the moment or he's like that generally, I suspect the latter).

He's clearly not suited to being in a family - he should not have had children, I'm sorry.

Lilymossflower · 17/07/2020 11:05

Omg kick him out asap

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