I'm so fed up of this crap. Is it acceptable behaviour?

[RadeTheSweets]

H has always been reserved and introverted, likes his own space etc. But lately he is getting worse and worse.

Doesn't seem to want us round the house during the day when he's working and constantly asks if we're off yet or have plans for the day. I lost my job so not even working PT right now.

This morning DS got up early and went over to his side of the bed, touched something like a pair of earphones or whatever. DH screamed 'Noooo!' In the nastiest way. His tone was awful. I said why on earth are you speaking to him this way?! He said he's a cunt waking him up and touching stuff. I said how about me sleeping? He said he should be asleep for another 2 hours because that's how it works. I said so you think you have a right to sleep in until 8am every week day? He said yep, I do. He gives me a lay in on a Sunday but I pay for it

I'm so fed up of H'd behaviour. Won't even come to a Sunday roast at his own families houses and everyone is upset by him turning their offers down constantly.

His moods got worse since starting to smoke weed about a year ago. Now he's doing it a lot and I'm convinced it's making him more Moody. I thought it was suppose to make people more chilled out. He's too chilled out and as a result seems irritated by family life.

He has said before in general conversation that he would be going for 50/50 if I ever left.

He's never called me any names. No. He doesn't do 'name calling', never even called me an idiot. Until this morning when he randomly called DS a cunt

The day my husband called our 2 year old child a cunt would be the day I’d be asking him to leave.
Good riddance.

If that’s not your line what is?!

I bet he won't really go for 50/50, he is probably saying that to stop you leaving. Or if he does, he won't stick to it long. He doesn't want to give up his lie ins or spend time with his DS. You can't go on like this. Is there any prospect of you getting a new job so you can be financially independent?

Stop making excuses for this man . I know plenty of people that smoke weed but they dont talk to their kids like that .

I thought it was suppose to make people more chilled out
This is a massive misconception.
It affects everyone differently.
In your DH case he becomes nasty and abusive.
It induces paranoia.
Anxiety
Psychosis
It's highly addictive.

You don't love this man at all.
You loved the man he used to be.
But he is gone.

It's time now to live a good and happy life.
Your DS deserves that.
He does not deserve to be called a cunt and shouted at for being up at a normal time for a 2 YO!

Can you get away for a few days?
You aren't working now so get to family and get some love and support around you.

Leave him to him crappy moods and his weed.
Think about what you want.
Think about what life you want for your DS.
Then it's ultimatum time.

Bollocks he'd go for 50/50. He's far too lazy and his 8am lie-ins would disappear.

He's using it as a tool to frighten you and try and stop you from leaving.

Don't let him.

He's called his own 3 y/o a cunt. How would you feel if your son went to school and thought it was ok to call the teacher a cunt? If he grows up and acts like this to another woman because he thinks that's how you treat people? That's the behaviour that your son will learn if you don't leave this nasty druggie waster.

It confuses me because he will be all moody and distant like this and then the next a flip switches and he's back to the 'Hello my lovely boy!' again. Wanting to give him cuddles. Finding his little antics funny again. Treating me well again. If just confuses me and I feel so torn at the thought of giving that away if I leave. Plus he's after DS 50/50 and I've never really spent hours away from him, let alone days

50:50 is a starting point.
And if he was a good husband and father without addiction issues, then this would be the ideal.
He is NOT though.
Keep a log of anything you can think of relating to the drugs.
How often, how many, what times etc.....
You may need this.

But he is working full time so who is going to look after his DS while he works?
He will have to pay for child care on his days.
He will have to be up at 6am on his days.
And all men spout this 50:50 crap to keep you in line.
It's a threat and it's rarely carried out.
I'd play that one with a, 'That's great. I can get out and about. Do some hobbies. Meet friends. Concentrate on a career. More time to meet someone new and move on from you.'
He won't want that. He WILL back pedal. They all do!

He said he's a cunt waking him up and touching stuff.

He called your ds a cunt for perfectly normal 3 year old behaviour. He actually said it to him, by the sounds of it. You want your baby growing up being called that by his dad? He would be out the door. Nobody calls my children names especially someone who is supposed to love them. I can't understand why you love him to be honest. Makes me sad to think of your little boy growing up with that.

It’s because he has a stone-over the next morning after smoking weed, he will be very tired and irritable, sounds like my ex.
Trust me he won’t want joint custody he will think of every excuse possible of why he can’t have joint custody. My ex always said the same then when we finally split up he didn’t want joint custody he sees them 2 nights a week and won’t even give up a full weekend to see them as he needs “me time”

He won’t change unless he wants to, and clearly he doesn’t want to so you’re only options are to put up with him being this way or leave him. My guess is you would be a lot happier if you left him.

Yep the 50/50 won't happen.
Ime they can't be bothered and the child becomes a chore, because they're supposed to see them. Especially with weed involved.
As soon as he's out of your home, the visits will become less, the contact less.

Don't ever show him you are frightened of his 50:50 threat.
Just agree.
'Absolutely DH. You are 50% his parent and you should do 50% of the parenting of YOUR child. So how do you want to do it? 1 week on and 1 week off? 4 days on and 4 days off? We have to have an equal share of weekends so you sit down and come up with some suggestions and we can talk them through. You do have to also realise that you can't take drugs while you are in sole charge of a minor so you will need to consider that also.'
He'll panic his fucking head off!

Your H is the cunt. Leave him. You and your child deserve so much more.

Btw my ex said the 50/50 line. 3 months after splitting I had to contact him to ask when he was seeing DC. Started contact every Saturday afternoon. This was obviously too much for him so he reduced it to once a fortnight 'as the petrol costs were too much.' He lived 20 minutes away.

If he's so desperate for his own space I would happily give him it. Move out, have a happy fulfilling life with your kids without having to walk on eggshells and let this miserable man child stew on his own. No way would I be made to feel bad simply for existing in my own home and calling a child a cunt is unforgivable in my opinion.

He's ready for work now and sitting at his laptop. I just confronted him about a few things. He said he's really sorry (to DS) and said he shouldn't have said what he did.

I was still fuming for how he spoke to me so I confronted him. He said he didn't really remember any of it beyond being pissed off, as it was so early. I said I don't get to 'not remember talking crap to people'. I have to act lively and look after our son.

I then went on to confront him about how he never wants to see anyone, visit anyone. He said he doesn't like his nieces, they're brats. Says he doesn't need to see anyone, we're not that type of family. Then I asked about seeing his brother this weekend because he'd been invited up by his SIL via his sister. He said he didn't want to. His brother doesn't reply to him so why should he see him. Says his nephews aren't his kids so he can see them another time. The list goes on. He seems to have a calm and collected excuse for everything this morning.

I'm so fed up of living like this.

He's vile. Come on lovely, you and DS deserve better than this. Time to make plans.

God almighty what sort of animal calls a three year old a cunt. Never mind their own three year old. There is no amount of good that could convince me to stay with a man who calls little children cunts never mind my own child.

I’m genuinely appalled at what I’m reading. Your poor son. He might not know now, but he will soon know. His own father too.

Also are son is suspected ASD and he is a different child round SIL's house. He comes alive there and even interacts a bit! Doesn't do this at nursery etc. Not at home.

I said even if your nieces annoy you so much, can't you just go for an hour to see our son? How he is? He says why would I need to, you send me pictures

And he’s not going after fifty fifty op, he doesn’t want it. It’s just a threat so he’s not alone.

He comes alive there and even interacts a bit! Doesn't do this at nursery etc. Not at home

What does that tell you op?

Think you deserve better OP. He's addicted to weed which can lead to psychosis. Bringing up a child in that type of environment will lead to additional problems.
Get out of the relationship.

Wow so you have a dh who smokes weed, wont go to family meals and acts like that to a 3 year old?? Nice catch. Great Guy. can definitely see why you love him.. He is Charrrrming

I just can't get over what he said about not seeing how amazingly DS transforms whilst at his sister's house by going there for an hour himself. He said with a straight face that he doesn't need to because I sent pictures?!

How can that compensate? If I was him, I'd give a lot to see my son thrive like that in person