Sick to the back teeth of DH's childish sulking

[Vonni77]

We had a disagreement last night after I raised something that was bothering me, I was perfectly within my right to bring it up and just wanted a frank discussion. That was at around 6pm and he sulked until i went to bed at midnight.

I wake up this morning and he's still sulking, silently meandering about the house in a negative mood making preparations for the DSC to come today but not talking to anybody. This could go on for the rest of the day or rest of the week.

He is 35 years old, how would you deal with this short of telling him to grow the fuck up? I'm tired of not being able to communicate because this is always the outcome

I would just tell him to grow the fuck up or find somewhere else to live. My dad used to do this. It's abuse.

What he is doing here to you is actually a form of emotional abuse.

Ignore him and get on with your day. Do not try and jolly him out of this. The responsibility for his sulk is all his and his alone.

His actions are all about power and control and that is at the root of abuse. My guess too is that he is abusive towards you in other ways as well. He does this also because he can and he has learnt that this works for him.

I would consider your own future within this relationship as he will not change. In fact I would start carefully planning your exit from this relationship.

I also deem it emotional abuse yes. It makes the atmosphere in the house horrid.

Totally leave the dsc to him. Make plans of your own. He acts like a dc he can hang out with them..

The discussion we had (well I had as he practically stonewalled the entire conversation) was about his infidelity.

I've found out he will be having some limited but unavoidable contact with the woman he cheated with, and I want us/him to have counselling to identify the root cause and take steps to avoid it happening again with her or anybody else.

He got the hump with me for bringing it up and said I was dragging up the past and said I'm accusing him of being a pervert, for wanting the root cause of his behaviour to be addressed so I can feel comfortable.

So he’s sulking and he’s cheated on you? Game over.

Yep.

Our youngest was just 6 weeks old when I discovered it (now 15 months) and I convinced myself I needed him around so I agreed to stay on the condition he sought counselling for his issues, and we sought relationship counselling as a couple.

Neither thing has happened and the mere suggestion of me bringing it up last night has resulted in this.

Wow, he did wrong but your being punished.
Stick Mama Mia on and sing happy songs.
You don't want to act like your taking his crap.

Let him put effort in and see where you are on his agenda. Reckon your best bet is to pack his bags and change the locks. I speak from sad experience.

No competent or ethical therapist would undertake joint therapy where there is abuse in the relationship.

He's not going to stop abusing you. It is deliberate not an accident.

It doesn't sound good. A sulking manchild is a terrible partner regardless of the infidelity. An unfaithful scumbag is a terrible partner regardless of the sulking.

Forgiveness can't really happen if the person isn't taking steps to show how sorry they are. Words mean fuck all. His behaviour is very telling.

So why are you still with him?

I understand that you made the choice to stay whilst still recovering from childbirth and all the exhaustion that comes with a new baby, but you gave very clear terms. He hasn't stuck to them.

Your child is now older, you're past the newborn stage, you're recovered from the birth, he sounds like a prize dick... why are you still there?

Life is just too bloody short to be with a cheater who sulks like a child. You only get one chance... is this really what you want to do with it?

The root cause of his infidelity? Because he's a wanker. Honestly Op is this the life you want for yourself?

This isn't how I want to live my life no, I guess I'm afraid of change.

He is on the autism spectrum so that clouds my view, at least where the sulking is concerned.

Leave him. Honestly even before I read about the infidelity I was going to say the same thing. My ex used to do the same to me and yes it is abuse. I wouldn't even know what I had done sometimes and when he deigned to speak to me again I was just so relieved I didn't even ask.

I was pathetically grateful that he had come out of his sulk that I treated him like some kind of King. It was so unhealthy and it fucked me up for years. I knew I couldn't let my DD (not his) grow up in a house dictated by his moods so I left. Moved away without anything back to my DM's house (she is an angel)

That was 12 years ago and I am happier than I have ever been. Single still but completely by choice. Please don't let your DC grow up thinking this is normal. It is abuse as much as being hit is.

Seriously???!!!! Why the hell are you still with this arsehole?

There are several reasons I'm still with him to be honest.

Wanting to make the marriage work, financial security, not wanting to have to start all over again, because I still have love for him.

None of which trump what he's done to me I know.

Vonni I still oved my ex on the day I left and for a long time afterwards too and in all honestly if it had just been me and no DD I would probably still be with him. My DD just had to come first and I knew it wasn't healthy for her to be around this behaviour. Starting over again is scary but imagine being able to wake up and not wonder what sort of mood he will be in, whether he will speak to you today?

It is like being let out of prison you just feel free.

You are right of course, I admire your strength.

I'm going to have counselling myself and work on my self esteem, lord knows he has done a number on it.

He should be doing everything he can to win your trust back not sulking and avoiding the issues
Are you sure you want to stay with him?

@Vonni77

This isn't how I want to live my life no, I guess I'm afraid of change.

He is on the autism spectrum so that clouds my view, at least where the sulking is concerned.

Being on the autism spectrum didn't stop him cheating though, did it? Didn't stop him consciously planning and going through with betraying your trust..

Change, particularly the one you are facing, is hard OP. But what is the alternative?

Give yourself some options for now, whilst you think things through. What is your own personal financial situation? Eg: work outside the home? Savings? Possibility of childcare if you left the home? A support network in real life? Check out child maintenance online and any benefits you might receive. eg check out www.entitledto.co.uk and www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance.

You may decide to stay as you currently are, but doing it from a position of knowledge. Good luck. 🌹

My youngest DD is on the spectrum. She's 17. That doesn't mean we tolerate shitty behaviour from her or anyone else in the household (me included). And she understands and appreciates that because in the long run it helps her process what is and isn't acceptable in real life. If my 17yo can do it, so can your DH. He cheated, he stonewalls, dump him. Believe me, security isn't everything (I am a single parent).

He is sulking because you are uncomfortable about him being around the woman he fucked - whilst you were pregnant....

That’s an LTB from me - this will only get worse.

Let me put it like this. You are realising you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with a cheat.
It is one thing to put yourself through that, another thing to put your innocent child through it. Please leave him for your baby’s sake.

With a 6 week old you were in a very vulnerable position to deal with potentially leaving a cheating spouse.

What's the situation now? Are you back to work?

If you found out what you did last year but today would you make the decision to stay?