New guy has a sex phone?!

[Jjjjjj1981]

Been dating a guy I met on Tinder for about two months, it seems to be going well. I’d say we are at the point of being exclusive and have had a brief conversation about this (initiated by him).
We usually just WhatsApp but I needed to ring him the other day for the first time, but when I did it said the phone number was disconnected. I raised this with him and he said it was an old number he didn’t realise didn’t work anymore and he gave me another one. So he clearly has two phone numbers and two WhatsApp accounts. I’d always found his photo on his (old number) WhatsApp a bit questionable, it’s related to his sexual tastes shall we say, and wondered how he could have that there for everyone to see. His new WhatsApp is a normal photo of just him.
So now I’m confused, does he have two phones? (I’ve only ever seen one when he’s been around me) The old WhatsApp photo makes sense now, he was obviously using that number for hook ups etc. And now I’m questioning seeing him online obviously talking to someone else on that number a fair few times when I thought we were exclusive.
And would I have never found out about the other phone?
It’s a new relationship, I’m not angry, nor did I really expect exclusiveness. It just seems a bit yuk if I’m honest, would you see this as a red flag?

Sounds quite sensible to me!
Maybe his main phone is a work phone?

Yes i'd say that was odd to be honest.

What sort of dates have you been having for the past two months with everything in lockdown?

Thanks for your answers, both numbers are definitely personal, not a work number. I’m just finding it a bit odd, and my trust him in is now diminished, which after only two months isn’t good tbh. I need to ask him about it in person clearly.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1
We had socially distant dates and formed a bubble when that was allowed (two single person households)

So you've essentially been meeting up for sex (nothing wrong with that) and now he wants you to only have sex with him, whilst he's prowling around tinder and other dubious websites using a different phone looking for other women to have sex with?

I don't think this one is a keeper to be honest.

Strong title.

I'd say he has wanted to keep the crazies away from his real phone number and he has now given you his actual phone number. It may be a good sign. Ask him!

Yes, ask him? See what he says!

I think I'll do the same if I ever OLD again. I hated giving randoms my number then having to block them later.

That's not good. At all. He's moved you to his social phone, but he's still keeping the sex phone and sex watsapp for hook-ups. Sounds like a walking case of heartbreak and Chlamydia. Yuck.

Don't jump to conclusions, talk to him.

"So your original number seems to just be for dating purposes, I gather from your picture and the fact you have a second one. I've noticed how often you're online and assume you're talking to other people there. I understand we aren't yet exclusive, but what you said to me previously lead me to believe we were heading there. Have I gotten my wires crossed here or are you still actively talking to/dating other women? I'd just like to have a good understanding of where we are at going forward."

If you come at it reasonably and in a controlled and we'll explained manner he's not going to get his back up and think you're a nut job.

It might be that he just hasn't disconnected from the habit of having people to talk to all the time. I definitely let my tinder contacts linger beyond my interest in the past, purely because it's good to have people to talk to at 2AM.

It’s just struck me that even if we were to be in a proper relationship, this additional number and whatever he’s doing on it will still likely always be there in the background.

That’s good advice, thanks @MizMoonshine

Well I wouldn't be happy! If this is his hook up number then why was he online when he wasn't actively messaging his exclusive gf. I wouldn't be able to trust him. The niggle of doubt would always resurface after that.

You said his old phone had a picture of him that showed his sexual interests.

You must have realised this was a phone he used for OLD surly. If that was his normal number his friends, siblings , parents would have seen the picture when he messaged them. Now that would have been odd !

He sounds sensible. He's separated the two and is open with you about it otherwise he'd have kept you on the original one.

He's even got rid of the number which shows he doesn't need it now.

Talk to him sensibly about it. If you can't have a decent open conversation with someone then it's not going to work.

It’s just struck me that even if we were to be in a proper relationship, this additional number and whatever he’s doing on it will still likely always be there in the background.

Yes, this. The fact that he's always going to have 2 phones.

I hear you @fuzzymoon, yes I should have realised the old number with the sexual picture wasn’t his mainstream one. thing is he wasn’t open about it, I only know about and have the other number because I ‘busted’ him. I also have no idea what will happen with the old number now, I have no indication that he will get rid of it.

Thanks again for all your answers, I think I’m talking myself into ending it tbh

One of my male friends has this, a burner phone. (I’m not saying only men do this, I’m just talking from experience). It separates his lives. I see it as a red flag as he always has several ‘relationships’ going on at once - some of whom know and others not so much. But that’s just him.

You have both numbers in your phone - do you mean you can see he's online on his sex phone?

@TwentyViginti
I have both numbers now (only since yesterday), so I can see when he’s online on WhatsApp on both I guess

Yeh sounds like he had a phone just for tindr

Tbh, i would have thought. What? This cant be your real phone number and objected to that!
I wouldnt sleep with somebody who gave me their sex number.

If he's online on his sex phone - you aren't exclusive!

He is organised. Keep an eye on whether or not the sex phone is still online. Bet he blocks you on the sex phonr so you cant see if it's still in use.

Putting the two phones aside for a sec. you said you only ever WhatsApp each other. It yet you are (almost exclusive) I’d find it more odd that someone I am at that stage with never phones me and vice versa, especially during lockdown. I get that everyone’s different but this would make me suspicious.

I’m desperate to know what the picture is on his sex phone.

Is he wearing a gimp mask?

He’s changed his settings on the sex phone WhatsApp so no one can see he’s online now.
Dodgy as hell