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Original poster

New guy has a sex phone?!

72 replies

Jjjjjj1981 · 16/07/2020 06:30

Been dating a guy I met on Tinder for about two months, it seems to be going well. I’d say we are at the point of being exclusive and have had a brief conversation about this (initiated by him).
We usually just WhatsApp but I needed to ring him the other day for the first time, but when I did it said the phone number was disconnected. I raised this with him and he said it was an old number he didn’t realise didn’t work anymore and he gave me another one. So he clearly has two phone numbers and two WhatsApp accounts. I’d always found his photo on his (old number) WhatsApp a bit questionable, it’s related to his sexual tastes shall we say, and wondered how he could have that there for everyone to see. His new WhatsApp is a normal photo of just him.
So now I’m confused, does he have two phones? (I’ve only ever seen one when he’s been around me) The old WhatsApp photo makes sense now, he was obviously using that number for hook ups etc. And now I’m questioning seeing him online obviously talking to someone else on that number a fair few times when I thought we were exclusive.
And would I have never found out about the other phone?
It’s a new relationship, I’m not angry, nor did I really expect exclusiveness. It just seems a bit yuk if I’m honest, would you see this as a red flag?

OP posts:
ArriettyJones · 16/07/2020 08:15

@Jjjjjj1981

Thanks for your answers, both numbers are definitely personal, not a work number. I’m just finding it a bit odd, and my trust him in is now diminished, which after only two months isn’t good tbh. I need to ask him about it in person clearly.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1
We had socially distant dates and formed a bubble when that was allowed (two single person households)

I think you’re probably right. The only possibility that really fits all the facts you give is that he’s elevated you to girlfriend status after the “exclusivity” chat and so you’ve been promoted to the real phone from the sex phone. Which leaves a vacancy on his sex phone. I suppose it’s vaguely possible that it’s more innocent than that, but if it looks like a system and walks like a system, it’s probably a well worn system. Sorry.
ArriettyJones · 16/07/2020 08:16

@LunaNorth

I’m desperate to know what the picture is on his sex phone.

Is he wearing a gimp mask?

Wielding a cucumber and wearing a spring onion harness Confused
Mydogisthebestest · 16/07/2020 08:16

I don’t see the having a sex phone as the issue. I did this - didn’t want random strangers having my real number (which is a work number a googlable).

Once me and DP were serious I binned the phone. It’s lying in a drawer somewhere as a spare if I needed it but I haven’t used it since.

Doesn’t look good for you though, I’m sorry.

cheesesconesaremyfavourite · 16/07/2020 08:16

@LunaNorth so am I! @Jjjjj1981 - what is the photo on his sex phone that indicates his preferences? I am wracking my brains to think what it could be.

TwentyViginti · 16/07/2020 08:18

Dodgy as hell indeed.

bronzedgodesswannabe · 16/07/2020 08:19

Fuck that

MizMoonshine · 16/07/2020 08:33

Call him out on it.
You can sit and speculate all night and day or you can get an answer and show us all his sex phone picture.

Standardy · 16/07/2020 08:35

I would say for him to bother with an extra phone seemingly just for that, he must do it often and probably with a lot of women. If you're okay with a bit of fun that's fine, but it would make me seriously consider anything more.

Pebblexox · 16/07/2020 08:36

Just ask him. See what he says.
If you aren't happy with his response, or there are still red flags for you, walk away whilst it's still early days and there aren't super strong feeling attached.

Delbelleber · 16/07/2020 08:45

He's changed the settings!!! Bin that bastard off and don't let him play you for a fool. Not like he will be crying in to his pillow with all those other chicks to keep him entertained on the sex phone!

ChristmasFluff · 16/07/2020 08:47

People who have 2 phones (not due to work) are overwhelmingly dodgy. This need to 'find the exception' and 'give people a chance' is what leads people to waste time on Losers - and to hand over their hearts too.

He didn't come clean the second you asked, OP, and that would tell me all I needed to know. 2 months should be an easy walk-away at shady situations and dodgy behaviour. Get out before you get more bonded to him.

Listen to your gut OP - it's telling you to run, and when a gut tells you to run, you need to listen, and that's from Gavin de Becker, 'The Gift of Fear'. When you feel discomfort in a situation, it's because something is off, and when things are off early on, it tends to be the tip of a massive iceberg.

SimonJT · 16/07/2020 08:52

Having a different number for dating is fine, I had dual sim so I could keep my private number private as I wouldn’t give what is essentially a stranger my private number.

But that doesn’t seem to be what he is doing, it looks like you have been upgraded and he now has a vacancy on the other sim.

If he used online dating can you make a fake profile and see if his profile is still active?

copperoliver · 16/07/2020 09:01

Maybe he's a part time escort of something.
Things that you have described would be red flags for me definitely. I would end it and move on. X

sammylady37 · 16/07/2020 09:11

Having a different number for dating/hooking up is fine. I’d be tempted to do it myself, only I already have two phones, a work one and my personal one, and I don’t want the hassle of a third.

Recently, I got a voicemail from someone I had blocked almost a year ago. He must have either phoned from a private number or borrowed someone’s phone. I didn’t want to hear from him and it pissed me off. Hence the value in having a dating phone.

anotherdisaster · 16/07/2020 09:19

Sorry but I find anyone having 2 phones for dating a bit odd. You don't want to give 'random strangers' your number (you can block people you know) but you would perhaps meet them??
He lied about it and that's all you need to know.

Original poster
Jjjjjj1981 · 16/07/2020 09:25

I have asked him about it, he’s said all the right things.....getting rid of the number, not wanting to mess things up between us, etc. But yeah he admitted he had been talking to other people on the hook up number since we’ve been exclusive, but they had become friends and it was not sexual.
Yeah ok Hmm
Tip of the iceberg is right I think sadly.
Thanks again for all your advice.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 16/07/2020 09:29

Ha! they've all become friends.......okayyyy Hmm

Well done on not falling for his claptrap.

achillesratty · 16/07/2020 09:30

I always had a different number that I gave out when I was dating, there are too many weird people (men and women) out there. I also have my "last seen" switched off on my WhatsApp, not only that I don't have any social media and no interest in it.

According to Mumsnet thinking that means I am hiding something and completely untrustworthy when in fact I am taking sensible precautions talking to complete strangers.

RLEOM · 16/07/2020 09:31

Erm... no, I don't think this is normal in the slightest. The only people I've known with two phones are drug dealers! And if it is a sex phone, how much random sex is he having????? Enough to build up his collection of wonderful STIs?

This would be a massive red flag for me and a major turn off. Unless it was for work, which it is not.

StellaRockafella · 16/07/2020 09:33

Do not e deceived. He has a punting phone. Punting isn’t just about men visiting escorts, it’s about all kinds of sex, particularly free sex - punting forums are full of threads advising other punters how to find sex online using PoF, Tinder and various other sites.

Don’t be fooled by the fact he has ‘elevated’ you. He will still be using his punting phone to find sex. Any man who has invested in an extra phone will not give that side of his life up just because he was an ‘exclusive’ girlfriend.

Get out now and save yourself the grief.

IdblowJonSnow · 16/07/2020 09:39

Agree he's not a keeper.
One of my exes had 3 phones, yes he was a shagger and a twat! I LTB.

summersolstice43 · 16/07/2020 09:39

Maybe he has one phone that he uses to test the water rather than hand out his actual number. Bit like meeting in a public place a few times before going back to either houses, test the water before divulging personal number? I may be way off the mark but its the only thing I can think of.

MizMoonshine · 16/07/2020 09:39

@Jjjjjj1981

I have asked him about it, he’s said all the right things.....getting rid of the number, not wanting to mess things up between us, etc. But yeah he admitted he had been talking to other people on the hook up number since we’ve been exclusive, but they had become friends and it was not sexual. Yeah ok Hmm Tip of the iceberg is right I think sadly. Thanks again for all your advice.
There you go, you got your answer.

So he's chosen to admit that yes he's been talking to other people. A friend but not moved from the dating WhatsApp.

So you have three options.

  1. Trust what he said, move forward.
  1. When next together face to face, ask to see the conversations since you've been exclusive. Explain that you are wanting to trust him going forward, but he's shaken the foundation already by not disclosing this information to you at his earliest opportunity.
  1. Walk away. You're not even ankle deep at the moment. You've got the red flags right there in front of you. Not everyone deserves a chance.

You are the only person here in your specific situation, who has spent any time with the guy and who has any idea of who he actually is. The balls are in your court, OP. Good thing you caught this early.

booboo24 · 16/07/2020 09:43

It sounded dodgy to me at first, but some replies made me think again, however the fact he has changed the settings in the burner phone so you can't see when he's online would be enough for me to dump him. At 2 months in I wouldn't want the hassle, and I certainly wouldn't want to get in too deep only to find out later I was being cheated on left right and centre

RLEOM · 16/07/2020 09:45

Just read your last post.

Friends... 😂😂😂 run for the hills!