ExP constantly taking DS to doctors and getting antibiotics

[Flyg]

My ExP jumps at the slightest opportunity to take DD - or more often - our DS to the doctors or even A&E.

When he is not working away he has then chidren 2 days a week and he has had our DS prescried antibiotics today for a cough that really is not very bad. My DD had it first and shook it off, then I had it (got COVID tested as per guidance - negative result) and i shook it off and now DS has it and there is just no reason at all in my mind for him to be given antibiotics.

The appointment will have been over the phone and i cant help but worry that Ex has exaggerated the symptoms to get medication. I have a couple of theories on why I think he would do this which I wont go into as thats a separate issue.

Im worried that if my DS ever really needs medication it will be less effective because he's had it for every minor cough he's had in his life.

Has anyone ever come across a problem like this? I have told ExP that I disagree with the medication. But thats probably all i can do really.

Drs are reluctant to give antibiotics so I would guess if they’ve been prescribed they were actually needed

I would phone your doctors and ask to discuss it; they can explain the reasoning for anti biotics and be aware of your worries

if my DS ever really needs medication it will be less effective because he's had it for every minor cough he's had in his life
This is exactly what happens.
Get googling and send the info to your Ex.
He's being a dick.
Antibiotics should only be used when absolutely necessary.

This may be health anxiety on the part of your ex, but I would worry about Munchausen's by proxy. I'd suggest, in the first instance, speaking to your doctor to find out why antibiotics were prescribed, and airing your unease about the frequency with which he consults. I would also suggest you speak to your ex and ask if he can chat to you about health concerns before taking your kids to see a doctor -frame it as wanting the chance to raise any symptoms or concerns you may have noticed, perhaps.

Well munchausens by proxy is a thing - and there's no reason men couldn't do it. I agree and would not be wanting my child to have constant antibiotics.

Is he going to different doctors? Is that what A snd E Is about? Not seeing doctors who could compare his medical records? I would get hold of every doctor he had been to if it were me. If the dots are not being joined he could do a lot of damage.

Look into Munchausens by proxy syndrome.

Do you live in the UK? It is hard to get prescribed ABs here, but if you are living elsewhere, it may be different.

If you are in the UK, i would be worrying that he is exaggerating or inventing symptoms to the GP in order to get the prescriptions. I suppose he IS making sure your children are actually taking them, and isnt just selling them on the quiet?

Thank you for the replies.

@breathingok my worry is that because the GP did not actually see my DS and listen to his chest, that my ExP's description has caused the Dr to be more alarmed than he would be if he examined him. ExP described DS as wheezing on Sunday, but I had him back with me on Monday and he wasnt at all, he has no trouble catching his breath, he's charging around the house like any other 2yo would do, happy, energetic, eating & drinking etc. He just has a cough which really isnt that bad.

ExP was a hypochondriac about himself, he took himself to A&E once and was sent home basically with gaviscon, it was the 27th Dec and he had just overdone it ober Christmas. It feels like every time I pick the kids up he is telling me DS had his last calpol at "xx:xx" time. And I never feel like he needs calpol when he's given him some.

I told ExP i wasnt in agreement and he dismissed my AB's concern saying in a text "antibiotic resistance is for bacteria not for the individual person, its Dr XXXX if you want to make a complaint"

He is very difficult with me. I feel he uses the kids health as a controlling measure over me, before I left him he would ignore the kids being a bit ill for a few days but then as soon as I was in work i would get a text that they are all in A&E.

I am UK based for those who asked. I will ask to speak to the Doctor. What I need to do though is tread carefully, if he knows this gets under my skin I would not put it past him to up the ante.

if he knows this gets under my skin I would not put it past him to up the ante.

Honestly if you think he would look to have his children medicated in order to upset you then definitely, definitely speak to the GP, and I would actually go one further and perhaps ask to talk to safeguarding at school? Basically, recrod your concerns.

Then if it's been flagged and he does step it up... or even if he doesn't and it becomes a pattern of behaviour - it's solicitor time.

It is abuse.

Thanks FizzyGreenWater.

I think he sees it as a way to get at me (bad mother couldnt be arsed taking her son to the doctors - because that is how he used to talk to me and about me) which is harmless for the kids.....but i think he is wrong about overuse of antibiotics being no problem at all for the person taking them, so i have told him that.

I will register my concerns with the doctors surgery tomorrow and also with our health visitor.

If DS had been examined I would be more relaxed, but its the inaccurate description of wheezing he gave to me that leads me to worry about what he has said over the phone.

If he didn't need them I don't think a doctor would give them. They're quite cautious about handing them out.

I would be concerned that he’s setting you up to look like a neglectful mother. Has he ever hinted at getting custody of the kids?

I would also phone the doctor and pass on your concerns.

My (abusive) ex was also a hypochondriac with health anxiety and did this too. He then painted me as a neglectful mother because I didn't rush our kids into A&E at every tiny cough or sniff.
I don't know what to suggest because I was never able to deal with it, sorry. But you have my empathy!

@SoulofanAggron

If he didn't need them I don't think a doctor would give them. They're quite cautious about handing them out.

With a phone consultation its easy to tell them he is wheezing pale clammy high temp etc which wouod point to being a chest infection

@breathingok

Drs are reluctant to give antibiotics so I would guess if they’ve been prescribed they were actually needed

This has not been my experience at all, even in the last few years when the issue is more widely thought about.

Doctors are stuck between a rock and a hard place as some people just whine or get aggressive till they get what they want.

So your ex doesn't have any consequences- he doesn't have to get off his arse to go to the doctors and calls you to take over at a snd e so he doesn't have to give up his day?

Definitely one for the safeguarding/logging/reporting brigade. Go and see your GP and explain. Your GP needs to understand what is going on and if you are presenting as a loving reasonable mother worried about her son and he can see that these illnesses are disrupting you not the ex he will hopefully put measures in place to prevent this.

Your ex will have a medical record the size of encyclopaedia Britannia. There will be red flags a decent GP will spot. Just make sure you take dates and examples with you.

Drs are reluctant to give antibiotics so I would guess if they’ve been prescribed they were actually needed

This is not always true. In fact the opposite is true for some doctors. They're so nervous about getting it wrong that they prescribe antibiotics 'just in case'.

Definitely not untrue that all doctors are cautious with antibiotics.

Have you not seen the public health campaign to encourage the public to stop requesting them? If doctors alone were controlling their use properly there wouldn’t be the need for a huge campaign tackling the problem at the patient side too.

Many patients are convinced they need them and kick off, become aggressive, make repeat appointments until they get them, many doctors do end up handing them over because they don’t have the will or time or energy anymore to keep explaining why they’re not helpful or to set themselves up for a complaint.

It’s easy to say ‘well doctors are the professionals and should stop prescribing inappropriately’ and tbh I think that too, but my point is that it’s really not true that antibiotics are only given when appropriate.

@Newmama29

Look into Munchausens by proxy syndrome.

It’s now called induced illness syndrome

@Flyg
Your ex is correct in that its the bacteria that get resistance to antibiotics and not the patient. So please don't worry about that.
However it's still not a good idea to give them unnecessarily as they also kill all the friendly bacteria. You could give your ds a pro biotic to help with that.
I agree with pp rase your concern with your health visitor and the gp

Thank you to everyone who replied. I have a plan now.

I've woken up to a video filimg DS coughing in the night, its still not a 'bad' cough at all, and is better than it was at its peak. Also a text saying "instead of critisising me you should be spotting this"

I wont react because im certain its the reaction he wants, he misses the days when I lived there and he could pick away at every single thing I did, or didnt do, or said. He's lost so much control since I moved out and got a job. If he thinks this has mileage he will be all over it.

I have to vent it somewhere though so here will do !! Im angry and ressting the urge to defend myself, the suggestion that I am the critical one, when all i have done is said i didnt think DS needed antibiotics, is annoying from a man who drove me to medicate myself with antidepressents after years of constant criticism. Also the nerve of him to swing back into town, having worked offshore for 12 weeks from the start of lockdown, and start telling me what i should be spotting as a parent. 12 weeks on my own and it was easier than having his nagging and difficult character to deal with.

Rant over.

I think you are best to just ignore this. Doctors won’t be doing your child active harm. The main driver behind reducing AB use is to try to avoid promoting selection for AB resistant bacteria and over prescription is unlikely to harm your child’s future health, though it’s always wise to avoid unnecessary drugs. Given your history with your ex though, I’d pick your battles and I’m not sure this is one.

@pog100

I think you are best to just ignore this. Doctors won’t be doing your child active harm. The main driver behind reducing AB use is to try to avoid promoting selection for AB resistant bacteria and over prescription is unlikely to harm your child’s future health, though it’s always wise to avoid unnecessary drugs. Given your history with your ex though, I’d pick your battles and I’m not sure this is one.

Yes I think you're right.

I disagree with Pog. I was over-prescribed as a kid and have a really shit immune system now.

It needs logging formally with the GP & HV. It can cause long-term health problems. Also you have the video he sent you, so you can show/send them the video of the cough if you needed to. AntiB's won't have kicked in enough to 'improve' a wheezy cough within 24 hours.

No need to engage with him at all about it, but logging it is important to protect your DS.

It's also especially important if he's trying to make you out to be a neglectful mother that your concerns are logged and that he is doing this without discussing it with you until afterwards.