To take my husband’s surname

[BananaCake10]

I’m getting married next week and still undecided whether to take my husband to be’s surname.

I know I don’t have to change my name straight away but if I am going to take it I’d rather do so sooner rather than later. My main reason I would want to take his name is because if we then went into have kids I think it would be nice if we all had the same surname. But not sure if this is enough of a reason?

Reasons I wouldn’t want to change my name are I think it would be a faff to change e.g. updating documents with the bank etc. Also I’m not a massive fan of my MIL to be and I’d have the same name as her I.e. Mrs [Surname] I just don’t want to be like her or reminded of her when my name is mentioned ! I’m almost 100% convinced that at work I wouldn’t want to change my name - can I change it for other things but keep my maiden name at work?

I can’t take a double-barrelled name as the names just sound a bit of a mouthful together. Also we both have pretty standard surnames so it’s not that I don’t like his surname and it sounds ok with my first name.

My partner says it’s completely my choice and it’s up to me and he doesn’t really care either way.

I’d be interested to know how others made this decision as I really don’t know!

For me it was easy. I didn’t want to change my name. My husband didn’t want to change his name Either. So different names. For kids, we went girls with mine, boys with his.

Have you actually discussed with him the children having your surname? Is he as relaxed about that? Would he take your choice away by pressuring you into doing what he wanted?

By all means delay the definitive decision until you have an actual child to name, but I think it would be naive not to have discussed it prior to legally binding yourself to him.

I do think it is sad it didn't occur to you to give your children your name, and that you have been working on the basis that the only possible way for you to share your children's name is to ditch yours. It makes it sound like you consider yourself inconsequential in your own life.

Has your future husband had any of that dilemma to face? I imagine it's easy to be relaxed about whether you change your name or not if he's confident he gets his way on children's names.