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Original poster

To take my husband’s surname

77 replies

BananaCake10 · 13/07/2020 15:26

I’m getting married next week and still undecided whether to take my husband to be’s surname.

I know I don’t have to change my name straight away but if I am going to take it I’d rather do so sooner rather than later. My main reason I would want to take his name is because if we then went into have kids I think it would be nice if we all had the same surname. But not sure if this is enough of a reason?

Reasons I wouldn’t want to change my name are I think it would be a faff to change e.g. updating documents with the bank etc. Also I’m not a massive fan of my MIL to be and I’d have the same name as her I.e. Mrs [Surname] I just don’t want to be like her or reminded of her when my name is mentioned ! I’m almost 100% convinced that at work I wouldn’t want to change my name - can I change it for other things but keep my maiden name at work?

I can’t take a double-barrelled name as the names just sound a bit of a mouthful together. Also we both have pretty standard surnames so it’s not that I don’t like his surname and it sounds ok with my first name.

My partner says it’s completely my choice and it’s up to me and he doesn’t really care either way.

I’d be interested to know how others made this decision as I really don’t know!

OP posts:

Dery · 13/07/2020 17:09

I didn't take my DH's surname - might have done if I'd married earlier in life - however, was already in 40s and very used to my own surname! DDs have his surname which I agreed to because his surname is rather exotic whereas mine is very ordinary. I think double-barrelling can work if the surnames sound good together but ours didn't.

In my experience, schools are very used to one parent having a different surname to their children - it's never been a problem. That said, I can see why people may feel it's important to have the same surname as their DC although personally it doesn't worry me.

Could he take your name? I know a couple where the H took the W's surname. It's becoming increasingly common.

TinkersRucksack · 13/07/2020 17:12

We hyphenated and both took each other's (ie it wasn't just me hyphenating).

Much to the annoyance of my MIL

SimonJT · 13/07/2020 17:14

If you want to have the same surname when you have children your partner could take your surname, or some couples choose a whole new surname that they both change to.

FTMF30 · 13/07/2020 17:15

DH didn't like his surname and I didn't care for mine so we both changed our surnames together.

TBH, if he had a surname he was happy with, I would have took his as I didn't have a strong affiliation with mine. A

CMOTDibbler · 13/07/2020 17:17

I have myname, dh has hisname, ds (and the dogs) are myname-hisname. You soon get used to the double barrelled name, even if it sounds clunky at first. Or you could change your name to your mothers if you like the name, and any children could have that or double barrel.

Divoc2020 · 13/07/2020 17:17

My friend didn't change her surname and told her DH that their DCs would have her surname, as they were expats at the time (his job) and she would be the one standing at school gates.
He didn't (dare!) argue and that's what they did!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 13/07/2020 17:20

I kept mine, both dc have it as an extra middle name, they both understood from very young why they had it and no one was ever phased by my surname being different.

OllyBJolly · 13/07/2020 17:26

Didn't change mine, and my children have my surname. DD1 has had a son and he has our name, too.

It's not even a nice name, but it's ours!

Merename · 13/07/2020 18:01

I took my DH’s name, mainly as I liked the idea of a new chapter, new name, but I felt discomfort about what felt like colluding in the patriarchy! I like that we all have the same name and we are a wee gang, but I’m sure we would feel the same if we didn’t all have the same name.

Merename · 13/07/2020 18:02

Ps however it is interesting, how would your DH to be feel about the kids having your name, if he doesn’t want to change his name?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/07/2020 18:05

As a married woman you would be able (legally) to use either. I did. I changed stuff as it expired to my husband's surname, all in all it tool 10 years before all my stuff was merged over to my new name.

pointythings · 13/07/2020 18:07

The great thing is that these days you do actually have a choice. I know women who are Mrs [DH's surname] in their private life but have kept their birth name professionally. I know women who have double barrelled. I have a friend whose DH took her surname. I took my late H's surname because I live in the UK and mine was awkward and foreign - impossible to pronounce and spell for a normal English speaker. You should go with your heart on this one.

firstimemamma · 13/07/2020 18:09

I literally can't wait to change my surname but everyone is different.

intheningnangnong · 13/07/2020 18:14

I’m gutted I didn’t give my DD’s my surname as a middle name. I’ve never changed my name, but didn’t really think enough about it continuing.

It’s never been an issue that our kids have a different name to me. My DH sometimes gets called Mr Intheningnangnang but he doesn’t care.

AnotherEmma · 13/07/2020 18:19

"My main reason I would want to take his name is because if we then went into have kids I think it would be nice if we all had the same surname."

I am glad others have pointed out that it's perfectly possible to give your children your own surname!

You will have options when it comes to the children. You could give them both surnames (with or without a hyphen - we haven't used a hyphen as we think it allows more flexibility to drop one if desired). You could blend your surnames into one (eg Johnson and Roberts become Robertson). You could give the child one surname as a surname and the other as a middle name (it's usually the mother's surname that is relegated to middle name but you don't have to do this, the father's surname could be middle name).

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 13/07/2020 18:25

Your name is what you identify yourself with."Can't take a double-barreled name because it's a bit of a mouthful"?I married at 42, I had my pride in my family name and wasn't prepared to give it up. Where we married, there were several possibilties
1- my name
2-his name
3- for me, my name + his name
4-for him his name + my name
There was no way that we could have had the same doubled name.
We go through life with my double name and he goes through life with his name. What is your actual problem?
P.S- we decisied on Option 3.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/07/2020 18:34

I think my main worry is that we won’t have a family name, but I suppose I won’t know how important that is to me until we have kids (few a years off anyway) so could always change it then

No, in that case you would tell him the child you're carrying is going to have your surname. :)

SallyWD · 13/07/2020 19:23

I preferred my husband's surname to mine and it sounds better with my first name so it was an easy choice. His surname consists of 2 names (not hyphenated) so I didn't want to add my surname as well. It was too much. I like having a family name but if I didn't like his surname I would have kept my own.

Bythebeach · 13/07/2020 19:26

We double barrelled. My three sons carry my original surname.

happymummy12345 · 13/07/2020 19:31

For me it was never a decision as I'd always known if I got married I'd take my husbands name and become a mrs. I like the tradition of it.

AnotherEmma · 13/07/2020 19:32

Funny how double barrelled surnames are far too clunky and can't possibly be given to children... unless the father has a double barrelled surname in which case of course it must be passed on in its entirety 🙄

I passed on half of my double barrelled surname, DS has one of my surnames plus DH's.

The Spanish don't change their names and they pass on one surname each, it works fine for them.

Pebblexox · 13/07/2020 19:38

I took dh name, mostly because I'm not overly attached to my maiden name. It came from my dads family who are all twits. I also liked the idea of having the same name as any children we have.
Also if you have a different name to dc, travelling abroad can be effort if you aren't travelling with dh. And I couldn't be bothered with worrying about taking a signed letter from him, or my dd birth certificate if I ever took her on holiday alone.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 13/07/2020 22:05

Why do your DC need to take on your DH name? You can keep your own name and double barrell the DC...its 2020 now not 1920

Craftycorvid · 13/07/2020 22:14

Didn’t change my name when I got married. Had no idea I was making such a radical decision. It confuses the shit out of so many people that DH and I have different names, poor chap gets ‘Mr Corvid’ quite regularly. I’ve had the issue of cheques in the wrong name. I’ve been told to present evidence of my previous names as I use the title Ms and it was assumed I must be divorced. On an everyday level, people just seem nonplussed that in 2020 I’ve kept my own name and prefer not to announce my marital status in my title.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 13/07/2020 22:33

I took my husbands name and I was happy to do so. I wanted us to have a family name so it was important to me that I had the same name as my future children.
My husbands name means a lot to him, it’s not a British name and his grandparents were immigrants. So he wanted to make sure the name was carried on. I was born with a different surname to the one I grew up with so changing it wasn’t a problem for me.
I think if for any reason we ever divorced I’d still keep it. I like it x

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