Hi everyone,
I wanted to update on the situation as it has had some developments which have been upsetting, and I wanted the wonderful support that I have previously received, again.
Essentially, my son had a birthday and my mother dropped off some gifts from my siblings and her. Left them on the doorstep. No contact made with me (DH was unlucky enough to be leaving exactly as she was arriving and received some victim spiel “leaving some gifts for MY grandson”), cards very much “to MY BELOVED GRANDSON” etc. We kept the gifts as it seemed the least confrontational thing to do, and sent 2 line thank you cards “from our son” to them - to be polite but not have to engage. All very ironic though as her “Beloved grandson” has been in and out of hospital the last 2 months with quite serious medical problems and she is none the wiser as she didn’t want to check in with her daughter living 3 minutes down the road. Add to this that a few village locals have seen me around and mentioned my mother crying to them about being kept away from my son. And unfortunately a mutual acquaintance of ours dropped in a few things she has said eg “I know crumpets had a good childhood because her brothers did”, or “I am so proud of myself I haven’t talked to crumpets in 3 months” or “all my friends agree it’s just awful how she talks to me and I shouldn’t put up with it” etc.
BUT
I am overdue with my second baby. I know that my mother and siblings are bound to be awful and leave some gifts/cards for new baby which do NOT mention me or acknowledge my presence.
Anyway, I feel that boundaries have been crossed. the Toxic Parents book by Susan Forward suggests writing a letter, to just tell my truth to her and express myself. I have drafted such a letter, which I am planning to send when baby is out and presents have been received, along with the presents being returned (or cards - whatever comes up). I am extremely pleased with the letter but I also feel a bit guilty as I know it will upset her/anger her, and it almost makes me wonder if I am exaggerating as I feel so happy now as an adult that I surely can’t care so much about all the things she did to me?
Thank you for any advice in advance. Previous post below:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3878459-Need-a-hand-hold-finally-told-my-mother-to-FUCK-OFF