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Original poster

Dating a 30 year old man who goes drinking most weekend

68 replies

katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:37

Thoughts and views on a dating a 30 year old man who socially drinks with his friends, most weekends ie a Friday night or Saturday.

He gets very tipsy and drunk. I’m only coming to finding out after the lockdown was eased and people have started meeting at houses again/going out.

He drinks with the boys and it seems like he did this in his past relationships. Dedicated time to seeing his friends and getting drunk.

Never experienced anything like this before. Any views on this?

OP posts:
JizzPigeon22 · 12/07/2020 18:40

If he doesn’t have kids or commitments I don’t really see the problem. My friendship group were like this until we had kids.

ShitStain · 12/07/2020 18:43

If you have kids with him he’ll still be drinking every weekend.

Something to consider.

roarfeckingroar · 12/07/2020 18:43

What else would he do? Sounds normal to me

mindutopia · 12/07/2020 18:43

I would say this is pretty normal for most single people in their 30s. I mean, I'm nearly 40 with two dc and I certainly have a few drinks every Friday and Saturday (at home, no way we could coordinate to go anywhere - but I definitely would go out to the pub if I had no children).

Original poster
katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:44

@JizzPigeon22 he has no children. I’ve just not experience dating/talking to a man who goes out drinking every weekend.

He gets quite drunk to the point where he passes out or ends up sleeping in the garden as he doesn’t make it into the out before passing out.

OP posts:
audweb · 12/07/2020 18:45

I mean that was my life as a thirty year old before I had kids. I was out every weekend. So were most of My friends. Doesn’t feel abnormal. I guess it’s just if it’s compatible with your life but there’s nothing wrong with it per se.

Original poster
katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:46

Drinking is quite normal, but I’m speaking about him passing out and ending up sleeping in his garden. I think he passed out in a train station once and slept there.

Is it this drinking behaviour I am emphasising. So this is normal? I don’t drink as I have a health condition.

OP posts:
Cynara · 12/07/2020 18:47

If he's meeting his professional and personal commitments and functioning as a responsible adult, then I can't see a problem. Before I had DC I had a social life too. Even now, when I get a childfree evening/night I go out with my friends. If it's not impacting on his day to day life (via hangovers at work/debt/alcohol dependency) I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you really don't like it and can't see a way round that, maybe you're just not compatible.

Dery · 12/07/2020 18:49

Hmm - it's one thing to go out socialising at the weekend, it's another to end up so drunk that you're passing out or sleeping in the garden. How often does that happen? Once or twice in your early 20s maybe, when you're a bit more reckless and still working out your limits, but if he's still doing that now, that sounds problematic to me. Which is not to say that the problem can't be fixed but it is a problem.

JizzPigeon22 · 12/07/2020 18:49

@ShitStain and how can you possibly know that?

OP my husband used to have to carry me home over his shoulder most weeks. That’s the perks of being young free and without responsibility! We all got paid on a Thursday back then so would have thirsty Thursday where we would all go out and get wankered.

Cynara · 12/07/2020 18:49

Just seen your update - fair enough re the passing out, that's a bit much. I thought you were talking about a few drinks at the weekend, which I don't think is an issue. Passing out drunk frequently is a different matter and I wouldn't like that at all.

Original poster
katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:50

@Cynara he lost one his previous jobs as he was turning up to work late as he was hungover all the time. But this was going back 6/7 years ago. But again, I am just coming to know these things as time is progressing. I don’t know that much about him yet. I’m just getting pieces of information as lockdown has been eased and able to see each other more and find things out.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2020 18:51

He gets quite drunk to the point where he passes out or ends up sleeping in the garden as he doesn’t make it into the out before passing out.

Fuck that. This is completely unacceptable behaviour and a total deal breaker as far as I'm concerned. If he's still doing this regularly at 30, there's a big problem. He missed the memo about it being time to grow up.

daisypond · 12/07/2020 18:51

Passing out drunk every weekend in the garden, railway station etc is not normal. I’d be concerned, personally.

YourHandInMyHand · 12/07/2020 18:52

Based on my own experiences I'd be cautious. I wish I'd taken heed at how much my partner prioritised a session at the pub. I naively thought he'd grow up but it's still a priority to him sadly.

Original poster
katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:53

I don’t think he has a drinking problem but then again I don’t know much about alcohol as I haven’t been around it. He doesn’t drink everyday or during the week. But when he sees the boy, he gets very drunk to the point, where he passes out or ends up in a ditch. Literally. Sometimes he loses his clothes and returns home in half his clothing.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2020 18:53

He is not the man for you. End it now and don't waste any more of your time.

Dozer · 12/07/2020 18:54

Losing his job due to alcohol, even that long ago, and regularly passing out, are signs of an alcohol problem. Would pass.

livefornaps · 12/07/2020 18:55

You are not well suited.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2020 18:55

I don’t think he has a drinking problem

You don't have to drink every day, all day to have a drinking problem. He comes home with his clothes, passing out in ditches or in the garden on a regular basis.

He has a drinking problem.

Cynara · 12/07/2020 18:56

If he's already lost a job due to his drinking, and 6/7 years later is still regularly drinking to the point of unconsciousness most weekends, then yes, I think you're right to be very wary. That's not not normal. Have you discussed it with him?

PicsInRed · 12/07/2020 18:56

This guy will never be family material. Period.

Spied · 12/07/2020 18:58

These guys don't settle down happily.
The future you will spend your time dreading weekends, dreading a phonecall and suspicious of what's going on when he gets in these states.

Original poster
katiie3 · 12/07/2020 18:58

Thanks everyone. We are not in a relationship and just dating/seen each other a few times but I would rather walk away now than progress into anything detrimental

OP posts:
Dery · 12/07/2020 18:59

"If he's already lost a job due to his drinking, and 6/7 years later is still regularly drinking to the point of unconsciousness most weekends, then yes, I think you're right to be very wary. That's not not normal."

This. Most posters reading this thread will have grown up around alcohol and we can confirm that he definitely has a drinking problem. Not to say it can't be solved but he has to want to get himself on the right track. You can't do it and he will just drag you down.

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