Dating a 30 year old man who goes drinking most weekend

[katiie3]

Thoughts and views on a dating a 30 year old man who socially drinks with his friends, most weekends ie a Friday night or Saturday.

He gets very tipsy and drunk. I’m only coming to finding out after the lockdown was eased and people have started meeting at houses again/going out.

He drinks with the boys and it seems like he did this in his past relationships. Dedicated time to seeing his friends and getting drunk.

Never experienced anything like this before. Any views on this?

I have been there done that. He wont ever make you a priority, drinking is his priority how boring. I'd get rid and find someone with an actual hobby

I used to go drinking most weekends before we had dc (but not after). But I always made it home, never passed out anywhere except in bed and remained fully clothed whilst in a public place at all times. I knew some pretty hard drinkers in my student days and incidents like the ones you describe were actually not that common, most people knew their (high) limits. Your dp has a serious problem and is risking his health through alcohol and the risk of accidents.

Walk away, it's a red flag.

It’d be a definite no for me. Even pre kids. I used to drink like that at uni but then most people grew out of it and started doing more interesting things. Just think, every weekend will be dominated by pubs and hangovers.

@ShitStain

If you have kids with him he’ll still be drinking every weekend.

Something to consider.

In that case I have loads I have loads of drinking to catch up on.

@katiie3 you are questioning it therefore you know the answer. Walk away now.

How old are you op?
Are you looking for marriage/kids?

If so I wouldn’t waste my time on this man, the drinking seems ridiculous.
Dp has a lot of friends, but only has a few drinks, it’s sexist to say all men just get drunk with their friends every weekend!

It is NOT possible to love someone like you describe better; this is who he is and he is a individual with a long standing alcohol problem. Its controlling him, not the other way around and alcohol is a cruel mistress. You know nothing about alcoholism and that has also played a part here too in you at all being involved with him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up; what attracted you to him in the first place?.

Walk away now and educate yourself further about alcoholism and its effects on both the alcoholic and their proposed rescuer (in this case you).

I also find it slightly concerning that you can’t recognise that someone who has lost their job because of their drinking habits and drinks every weekend to the point out dangerously out of control, has a drinking problem.

He sounds immature and a bit boring. Does he have no hobbies/interests?

That would be an easy decision for me - dump and run.

The passing out drunk is too much every weekend. I like a drink and I’ll often go out with DP and his friends and their partners most weekends. Sometimes I get merry, sometimes pretty drunk but not to the point anyone is passing out outside! Drinking regularly is fine if you both enjoy that lifestyle but if you aren’t included and he’s just drinking with his mates every weekend, it doesn’t sound great for long term.

If you don't drink then you're not compatible with this man, OP. It does sound as though he's on his way to a real drink problem anyway, so best to avoid.

Dating and having a future with him will be a massive gamble, he may change after marriage and children or he may not, it’s not a gamble I would take.
At 30 drinking socially is fine, passing out in gardens.....no. Yuck.

He sounds like my ex-husband, right down to the passing out at railway stations and losing his job through being drunk. Please walk away now. Drinking at the weekends is fine, but regularly passing out drunk is NOT.

Drinking is quite normal, but I’m speaking about him passing out and ending up sleeping in his garden. I think he passed out in a train station once and slept there.

Just walk away. You're only dating. You don't need this hassle. Imagine living with him and having to put up with this every weekend? Imagine if you had kids with him and he's passed out in the garden or in a bus shelter on the way home and you have no idea where he is?

I'm about to start my own thread about my ex. He did things like this and it was an absolute nightmare. This sort of thing goes hand in hand with other reckless behaviour.

Going out on a Friday night with friends and having a few drinks, fine. People are entitled to their own social life whether single, dating or in a relationship. Going out every weekend and getting into a state like that is not fine.

I love my wine. I even enjoy getting pleasantly sloshed on occasion. Passing out, sleeping in the garden would be worrying even in a student or 20 something if it was regular but I certainly wouldn't want to stay involved with a man in his 30s who was doing it. I'm not sure what the right term would be, i.e. whether he is alcohol dependent yet but that is problem drinking.

How boring, for one thing. As you get older, the hangovers get longer and you lose more of the next day. As a PP asked, does he have any interests other than this?

TBH, from your posts, you just don't sound that well matched. I would keep looking OP.

@AttilaTheMeerkat has a great point, alcohol is a cruel mistress. My ex is an alcoholic as was my last person I dated. It certainly controls them and I'm sure I had a lucky escape and definitely made me wonder why I dated the latter. I thought as he wasn't abusive, he was just a happy drinker and we had some great times but I ignored the rest. Never again.