Sister in law making me feel guilty

[helpmehelpme]

My brother lives abroad with his wife. I occasionally email him about our brother in law (my sister's dh) because he is a Tosser! But my brother's wife hates it so much and gets really angry that we slightly take the piss out of a deserved Tosspot.

I feel like my relationship with my brother is my business. He should let me email him in private and then delete them. I resent being dictated to by my much younger sister in law. I mean, my relationship with my brother is surely, within reason, our business?

I'm really irritated about it.

This looks really badly explained! Does it make senes?

Is she perhaps worried that you and your sister may do the same about her behind her back?

Just trying to think why she would get annoyed. Does she like the BIL and think you are both in the wrong?

Can you speak to your brother and ask him to stop showing his wife all of his e-mails and keep your rants about BIL just between you two?
What does your brother think of his wife getting really angry over it all?

(sorry lots of questions!)

1] I think you're right, it's also probably very bad form in her culture which I don't know very well - there is a lot about family respect that is pretty rigid. We must seem completely respect-free to her!

2] I think she just thinks it's wrong to do it - I have no idea what she thinks of him but she probably respects him

3] Yes, I've asked my bloody brother to stop broadcasting me emails. My brother thinks all extremes of emotion are irrational unless her personally shares them! So I assume he thinks she's being silly.

4] Also I have that feeling of having been told off by someone for something that I do feel a little ashamed about. But in OUR culture we are open about certain things - part of me thinks she should just deal with it!

Yes I think I will HanaF, it makes sense. I haven't actually dissed the Tosser for a long time, I just had a brief outburst because he's been a particular Sod again to my sis as he always ends up being. Bullying Sod!

hmm difficult one - hana's idea about Skype is a good one. Then you can just rant away and there are no e-mails for her to see...

If he wants to show her your emails then he can and you shouldn't expect him to keep secrets from his wife. On sype presumabely she would be there at the time and would hear what you are saying anyway?

If you don't like the comments you get back then don't say the things in the first place. Maybe your brother finds it hard to tell you but he clearly wants to share things with his wife, as he should.

Fair enough JodieG, I do agree, and I had stopped saying anything for nearly two years. It's just recently the Tosspost did some properly vile things to my sis. Not just unpleasant but bullying horrible things. My only revenge is to take the piss out of him to my brother. There's nothing else I can do but I DO like berating him to the only other person who admits that he's a horrible person in many respects. I feel it's virtually medieval. Oh the womenfolk don't mention that he beats his wife - it isn't seemly. We must respect him cow tow cow tow. He doesn't beat his wife but emotionally he does!

And still, I just wouldn't tell my husband what he can and can't say to his own brother. That's their own business.

I'm actually still really pissed off about this. I just don't know where my sister in law gets off dictating what I can and can't say about my brother in law who I've known for 30 years.

Apparently in her culture we show respect for the breadwinner etc. But in my culture we don't tell other people what we think of their behaviour morally! Cheek of the woman. Anyway I feel like saying to my brother "When your wife has worked out the moral boundaries of my relationship with you, just let me know and I'll see if I can be bothered to have one at all!"
Of course I won't say that but it is a bit weird. And controlling as well. Fine for her to say it to him but not her place to have it communicated to me.