Diabetic husband called me vile things during hypo

[rosesarepink2]

Husband is type 1 diabetic. The other day he had a hypo, and behaved like a drunk person. He shouted at me and called me a stupid ugly bitch, fugly, a cunt, fat, an idiot. And more I can't remember.

After his blood sugars went up he said he can't remember what was said and he wasn't in control of it. But should I just let it slide because of that? I think the ugly part hurt the most. I appreciate this is something many won't have experienced but I wondered how others would deal with the aftermath of this?

I agree with previous posters. Let it go.

My OH, his father, his uncle and both of our sons are type 1. I have seen and dealt with more hypos in the last 30 years than I care to remember. They can range from silly to violent and anywhere in between. I've been threatened with a knife, had my kitchen damaged, had cornflakes emptied in my fridge, dinner emptied over the lap or the head and much much more. I've also dealt with hypos that were giggly ones, silly ones, passive ones, and of course the ones where they are fitting and wetting themselves.
None of them can ever remember any of it.

My husband is a type 1 diabetic. He has hypos and hypers. I quite often notice he has high blood sugar before he does as he becomes totally unreasonable, argumentative, snappy and shouty. He has also shouted at me really aggressively just before he fell to the floor and had a seizure during a hypo. It’s really hard as sometimes I take it personally but he is very distressed after a hypo, tearful and confused and it is never his fault. Even our children say “I think you need to do a blood test” if they notice the signs.

My dad is T1 - He’s the kind of guy who adores his family and would walk through fire for my mum, me and my sisters. But on the very rare occasion he has had a hypo he gets belligerent and swears. Mostly it’s directed at my mum who is there helping to bring him back. When I was old enough to try and help my mum and heard what he said I asked her how she coped with it. She admitted that if it started getting to her she would swear back at him just to make herself feel better. After all - he wouldn’t remember it and she said she never meant it but was just angry at the situation and somehow swearing made her feel better - a bit like it does if you stub your toe. It might not work for you but trust me - he didn’t mean any of it - he won’t remember what he said and it certainly shouldn’t affect your relationship. But next time it happens if you return the compliment maybe it might make you feel better? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I'm type 1 and have no memory of any of my (thankfully rare) hypos. The fight or flight instinct kicks in and I get very panicked and aggressive having scratched and bitten my husband who was trying to help and prevent me from running out the door. I would never deliberately be violent to anyone normally. When you have a bad hypo you have zero control over what you do or say and your behaviour is not indicative of your normal character but your instinctive survival response.

I'm type 2 and tend to get in-your-face-aggressive when I have a hypo. I could start a fight in an empty cardboard box..... My DSis once shoved a slice of bread in my mouth and told me to "wind my fucking neck in" in a supermarket. And she was right.

I once lost it in a street market and was about an inch from twatting the girlfriend of an idiot who upset my wheelchair bound DM.... Yes, that irrational. But when my DM called me on it, I had to confess to being an utter shit and out of all proportion to what he had said..... To this day, I would have baseball batted him and his gf and considered myself in the right, even though I know I am SOOOOOOOO wrong. A sachet of sugar in my coffee and I was laughing about it.

I went on holiday with a friend last year and warned him that if I seemed snappy and irrational, he was to call me on it immediately and stuff a couple of squares of choc in my gob (gave him an emergency bar to keep in the car). He did and I wasn't great after my one hypo that week, but at least he's speaking to me.

Tell your husband what he called you during a hypo and tell him that he needs to manage his diabetes or next time you're walking away. He will have signs before he has a hypo: tiredness, minor irritability. He needs to see it coming and sort it. Or warn you that he has missed it and he's feeling the rage...... but not to give you a pleasing stream of the old rancid and them say "oh sorry, was I a bit over the toppppp?"

Sorry, if that seems harsh.

I am astonished that someone can be married to a type 1 diabetic and be posting things like this. Have you never bothered to learn anything about the very serious condition your husband is living with?

As a type 1 diabetic myself, my husband knows the warning signs, what can happen during a hypo, how to treat it, the signs that it is serious enough for an ambulance.

Your husband has zero control over his words and actions during a bad hypo and you should be trying to help and support him rather than getting offended about the things he says.

Both my brother and me have type 1. When a hypo is that bad your body is shutting down systems one by one before slipping into a coma. The behaviour is not under control. You might want to view it as part of the slipping into coma, since the patient is not in control of their body or mind at that time. Forgetting is quite normal too. I'm quite lucky that I stay nice during a bad hypo, I am high functioning till almost in coma, when I get very confused and don't understand what is being said to me and can't speak anymore. That also means I can't ask for help so it has a big downside as well. My brother gets very mad and sweary during a bad hypo. So we're complete opposites during a hypo while we're siblings! It really is a disease, and I think that it might help to learn about it more.

Tell your husband what he called you during a hypo and tell him that he needs to manage his diabetes or next time you're walking away. He will have signs before he has a hypo: tiredness, minor irritability.

This is not necessarily true. Some diabetics have hypo unawareness. I have, I literally can't feel a hypo coming (anymore). I'm walking (or exercising) and talking fine till I hit 0.9 and get into severe trouble all of a sudden. I don't fall down till so extremely low. The only thing that helps me is my CGM so I get a warning alarm. I do have to change that every week which means that I have to stay at home for a couple of hours with someone present till the next one works.

@TheSecondMrsAshwell

I'm type 2 and tend to get in-your-face-aggressive when I have a hypo. I could start a fight in an empty cardboard box..... My DSis once shoved a slice of bread in my mouth and told me to "wind my fucking neck in" in a supermarket. And she was right.

I once lost it in a street market and was about an inch from twatting the girlfriend of an idiot who upset my wheelchair bound DM.... Yes, that irrational. But when my DM called me on it, I had to confess to being an utter shit and out of all proportion to what he had said..... To this day, I would have baseball batted him and his gf and considered myself in the right, even though I know I am SOOOOOOOO wrong. A sachet of sugar in my coffee and I was laughing about it.

I went on holiday with a friend last year and warned him that if I seemed snappy and irrational, he was to call me on it immediately and stuff a couple of squares of choc in my gob (gave him an emergency bar to keep in the car). He did and I wasn't great after my one hypo that week, but at least he's speaking to me.

Tell your husband what he called you during a hypo and tell him that he needs to manage his diabetes or next time you're walking away. He will have signs before he has a hypo: tiredness, minor irritability. He needs to see it coming and sort it. Or warn you that he has missed it and he's feeling the rage...... but not to give you a pleasing stream of the old rancid and them say "oh sorry, was I a bit over the toppppp?"

Sorry, if that seems harsh.

With all due respect, you clearly don't know the differences between type 2 and type 1. With type 1 hypos are inevitable if youre managing your blood sugars correctly and advising the op to tell him she'll walk away of he has another hypo is a horrific thing to say.

Are you an insulin treated type 2? And are you on an basal/bolus routine? Because you seem to know Jack shit about what it's like to be a type 1 diabetic and experience a hypo that needs more than 'a sugar in your coffee' which wouldn't have any affect on a serious hypo.

@TheSecondMrsAshwell

I'm type 2 and tend to get in-your-face-aggressive when I have a hypo. I could start a fight in an empty cardboard box..... My DSis once shoved a slice of bread in my mouth and told me to "wind my fucking neck in" in a supermarket. And she was right.

I once lost it in a street market and was about an inch from twatting the girlfriend of an idiot who upset my wheelchair bound DM.... Yes, that irrational. But when my DM called me on it, I had to confess to being an utter shit and out of all proportion to what he had said..... To this day, I would have baseball batted him and his gf and considered myself in the right, even though I know I am SOOOOOOOO wrong. A sachet of sugar in my coffee and I was laughing about it.

I went on holiday with a friend last year and warned him that if I seemed snappy and irrational, he was to call me on it immediately and stuff a couple of squares of choc in my gob (gave him an emergency bar to keep in the car). He did and I wasn't great after my one hypo that week, but at least he's speaking to me.

Tell your husband what he called you during a hypo and tell him that he needs to manage his diabetes or next time you're walking away. He will have signs before he has a hypo: tiredness, minor irritability. He needs to see it coming and sort it. Or warn you that he has missed it and he's feeling the rage...... but not to give you a pleasing stream of the old rancid and them say "oh sorry, was I a bit over the toppppp?"

Sorry, if that seems harsh.

Do you actually know how often type one diabetics have hypos?

Lots of type ones also have zero physical signs before a hypo.

Do you actually realise that during a hypo the persons brain is starved of both sugar and oxygen, bad hypos also cause a degree of brain damage.

@TheSecondMrsAshwell

You're seriously telling the OP to warn her husband if he doesn't control his diabetes better she should leave him?

And your expertise in the area is that you have badly managed type 2 diabetes?

You're not harsh, you're idiotic and shouldn't be posting. You have no clue.

Agree that there is lots of ignorance on this thread. Sorry but type 2 is not the same as type 1. Shoving a bit of bread of chocolate in someone's mouth when going hypo is also a very stupid thing to do. It's a huge choking hazard as often the ability to swallow is impaired and also they are not effective foods for bringing up the blood sugar.
My child has been a type 1 since a baby. For the last 20 years if they are going hypo, my focus is primarily on getting their blood sugar up, giving them a glucagon injection, ensuring they are safe, not going to fall, hurt themselves etc. It's not about me, it's about making sure they are ok and will live. That's what you do with someone you love.
It's an extremely dangerous condition, all consuming with no let up. A lot of education is needed about this.

I'm afraid yes you have to let it go - in an instance just like this it is genuinely not intended. This is not a situation where"the truth will out" when drunk he was ill very very ill. Sending you strength and love 💓 hope you're both ok

My dad was type 1 and often had no memory of what he was saying or doing when having a bad hypo. It’s not rational and therefore I think you need to try your best to forget about it.

I remember once when my dad had a hypo he took the biscuit that my mum was trying to give him and stamped it into the floor. He was shouting and swearing and saying horrible things. When he came out of it he had no memory and said he should be locked up so that he couldn’t scare us like that again. All he remembers is that he thought he was dead and that we couldn’t see him.

Some of the posts on here remind me of a friend of my parents who is a type 2 diabetic and metformin treated, he is constantly comparing the slight dizzy feeling he gets when his blood sugar drops to around 5 and needs to eat a single digestive to an actual hypos.

Tell your husband what he called you during a hypo and tell him that he needs to manage his diabetes or next time you're walking away. He will have signs before he has a hypo: tiredness, minor irritability. He needs to see it coming and sort it. Or warn you that he has missed it and he's feeling the rage...... but not to give you a pleasing stream of the old rancid and them say "oh sorry, was I a bit over the toppppp?"

Compared to a lot of people here I don’t know enough about type 1 diabetes. But fuck me even I know how stupid this advice is 🙄

Normal , coherent thought process is the first thing to go during a hypo. To the point that a diabetic will refuse and fight against life saving treatment.
Aggression is normal during a hypo.
I’m sure your DH did not mean any of the vile things he said and please don’t feel you are not loved because of this.

@peoplearepeople

I'm sorry to hear that your child has had it since a baby. My son was a young teenager when he was diagnosed so at least he understood everything and was able to inject himself, so we were luckier in that respect. It is a terrifying condition, I don't think I slept for at least three years after diagnosis. People do need to be educated more, I have had people ask my son ( with a BMI of 19), if he got it by drinking too much fizzy juice. I have had relations give him sweets and chocolates as presents ( he decided to cut all that out, I know it's not 100% necessary).

I was completely ignorant before my son was diagnosed, I knew next to nothing. So I understand when people are ignorant but it is frustrating.

My ex would get very abusive during hypos. It is a thing. As long as it only happens then, I would let it slide

I work with a lady who takes hypos.

She is really good friends with another colleague both in work and out of work. During a hypo at the beginning of the year she was being vile to him, telling him how much she hates him. The guy was on the phone to her husband, telling him to come pick her up and she was shouting horrible things down the phone to her husband then told him he was an embarrassment .

She was mortified when she came back to work (her husband had told her what she'd been saying). I genuinely don't think the person experiencing the hypo is in control if their own mind

I really wouldn't take what your husband said personally

My Dad had a hypo one morning when I was 5 or 6. I remember my Mum telling him, "You need to eat, I've got to get the kids ready for school." and he said "What kids? I don't have any kids." He does, there are 3 of us and we were all in the room at the time. Diabetics say some weird shit when they're hypo.

My friends Dh is type 1 diabetic and had a hypo as they were going thru US customs. Those guys are not tolerant of foreigners screaming vile abuse about them and their country, but she did manage to make them Understand that he was ill and it wasn’t personal.
It really isn’t personal, but diabetes is a very serious condition and you will need to learn as much as you can.

Hi OP.

I'm type 1. Have been for almost 30 years (shit!)! When I'm hypo I have this weird thing where I can't speak. Like I really can't get my words out. I remember being sat in the same room as my boss (head teacher) speaking to a student after school and I literally couldn't speak. I had to get up and walk out. I was convinced I would lose my job (paranoia I suppose from hypo-i remember it vividly). It was incredibly scary. Like I could be drowning and have no way of crying for help.

What I'm trying to say is, I had no control at all. I don't get the shouty sweary thing. But I have worked with colleagues that do seem to lose their temper when hypo!

My xH (had an affair) blames my diabetes for our break up. I don't believe for a second that that is true (bastard) and that he used it as an excuse for his infedelity. The hurt it caused to be told something i had no control over was to blame for that nearly tipped me over the edge. I have and had very well controlled diabetes, so I can look back now and know it was all bullshit. He said he didn't want to be my carer (if you knew me you would be 😲 as I not only run my own life and kids' lives, but also run a team of 10 with 1000 students). It was the first time in my life (bar pregnancy) where I was told my condition was an issue. It completely floored me. It threw me into a deep depression. Almost more than being left holding the baby (literally). I have never told anyone that hurtful line he throw at me. I've never asked him about it.

He used to call me an ugly fat cunt too. He didn't have type 1 as an excuse.

I'm waffling. I suppose what I'm saying is if he is not this person normally, please don't throw this in his face. I understand your feelings (having been spoken to like that regularly) but I think only you know if it's his hypo, or whether he's a bit of a twat

If it is the latter, get out

I had GDM and used to take hypos when I was pregnant. I cannot remember a word I said during it, just how I felt. I felt so ill, hot, flushed, sick and angry. I had a really short temper with a hypo, it's absolutely horrible. My husband said it was like someone had flicked a switch.